Chaos Attraction

I Cried 8 Times Today

2020-03-27, 8:55 p.m.


I had a dream about going with Meg to Whole Earth Festival. It was nice to see her again. And Whole Earth Festival. Cried in bed this morning. Blech.

I’m decorating around the house again. I’m dismembering old calendars from Hawaii and sticking them all over the house. Today I decked out the kitchen in Hawaiian flower photos. I put up some old cross stitch projects by the table. If I ever fucking turn on the camera/stop crying, at least there’s background decor.

Dear Cost Plus: STOP IT WITH YOUR FUCKING OUTDOOR FURNITURE SALE!!!!!!! I do, however, give points to Knock Knock for pushing items that are supportive to sell to people. Good job, Knock Knock. Meanwhile, the actors mailing list has turned into (a) a bunch of disease stuff, (b) we have no income or money, please give us some, (c) all auditions and shows have been canceled, but (d) we didn’t bother to delete all of the upcoming season ads we tag into the bottom of every giant mailing list. Huh? And the California State Fair, which would normally run in July, “remains optimistic” that it will operate and is looking for entries. I’m not going to bother.

I got some video on YouTube today where the guy was all, “well, eventually things are going to get back to normal everyday lives when this is done, and then everyone will be ready for love...”

The Craft Center sent out the spring schedule...I don’t know why since they are closed indefinitely, but “in the event that later in the quarter we do reopen....” Huh? Isn’t like, most of the campus supposed to be gone and home at this point? I can understand them asking people to apply to be managers come summer (or well, fall....), but the schedule part baffles me.

Today’s knitalong pattern made me cry. Again. Like 8 times today for some reason. Oh my god, I hate all the fucking crying, it’s like I turned into my (Cancer) grandma who’d cry at the drop of a hanky. The guys said that they get out of forced quarantine (i.e. not leaving the house) tomorrow, but will do a “self-quarantine” (i.e. shelter in place, can get groceries and their own mail) for the next two and will continue doing videos. They also announced that the project is a “Hug Me Later” pillow with nine patches on each side and the words being in the center and it will go till almost Easter or so. Here’s my first two weeks of the knitalong.

Meg’s brother-in-law died right before this happened. Her sister wrote her to say do not contact me. Poor Meg.

I attempted to sign up for Clarion West free classes, of course could not even get close to doing so. It figures.

I did suck it up and open my toothbrush heads, dispose of the packaging, sanitize everything, washed my hands, etc. Then I decided to try pacing back and forth on the patio to attempt to get my steps in--it’s an 8 step wide patio. I did this for thirteen minutes until the neighbor opened up the screen door and started smoking (regular, not pot) cigarettes through it. Ewwww. Also, totally banned on the lease. I kept trying to go back outside every ten minutes a few times and...they’d still be smoking. Over an hour later after the last attempt, I tried again... and now they’d switched to the pot smoke. Goddammit. I finally get up the nerve to try and go out and then that happens? Clearly God wants me to be indoors, right?

I guess the upstairs neighbor is having a birthday, from the sound effects.

I read this and wanted to write her back because I agree, but of course there’s no way to do that other than social media accounts, which are not safe to have, and I can’t get Disqus to work. Never mind.

I have to go back to Baby Yoda’ing, which now makes me sad because it’s not like I can hand them out now. Or go to the post office. I probably shouldn’t mail anything because of contamination anyway. Ouch. I have enough eye sets to make about five more of them, but not enough of the green yarn to make more than another body, I suspect. Otherwise I have four of them done but with no coats done yet.

Tonight’s Zoom entertainment: Queerantine Variety Show. You know what I don’t like about watching stuff on Zoom? “I want to see everyone’s faces!” NO. I cried 8 times today. I am not turning on the camera so a bunch of strangers can watch me blow more snot unexpectedly. Why isn’t there an “eavesdrop in the background option” for lecture/show stuff rather than work meetings? I don’t WANT to have you see my face and hear my voice, I wanna hide in the back of the audience right now. Please stop asking me to show myself. I don’t wanna.

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