Written before the audition:

Well, Jade ah....apparently slept through the meeting today, so she never did help me with the whole 32 bars thing. Oh well, what can you do but figure it out yourself. I still think it boils down to "sing for about a minute-ish," and that's what I've rehearsed and that's what I'm gonna do and hope it goes well. Pity my neighbors because I've been singing "Helpless" on repeat for most of the last four hours, indoors and out.

Did hang out with Doreen and Sarah Brown--we skipped doing Transformation Game stuff, under the circumstances of missing people. I heard a bit more about Sarah's brother's accident and how Doreen wants to plot a new vision board as to where to live, and how apparently she disappeared from the family for quite some time but eventually returned. Sarah said she kept sending her cards during that time, Doreen said people would drop by and she wouldn't answer. I asked, did you want them to take the hint and not bother you, and she said no. Sarah Brown also wants my address, so I'm presuming she wants to send me some cards because she said she likes to do that. I don't quite think we got to everyone else's possible questions, but I did discuss my Game question of how I feel like I need to not go 100% in positive belief or else I'll jinx things.

I did see Reggie outside for a bit and chatted with him. I spent most of the day outside of the patio--and it's a nice one--because without Meg and Jade about, everyone else ended around 1-ish. I finished a few more Easter eggs and created a new journal that's a combination of "things my therapist said" and "things Collage Club said" about all this agita (I have notes in my erase-able journal, which is pretty well messy and full) and walked around outside on the patio,, so that's all good. It's near 80 today, huzzah. In less than three weeks I will hopefully feel a lot less bad about roaming the streets, and maybe I actually WILL roam the streets again. Doreen still hasn't gone by the store yet and her all-clear is tomorrow, so I said if she waits long enough, maybe we can go together, and she sent me an applause emoji about it. Sarah is finally getting her first shot on Tuesday too.

Today's Pick A Card reading (#1) says all is going to be well. Someone's been asked to get out of their comfort zone and make a decision about you vs. their other stuff. "I see them choosing you." "A wish coming true for you." Once the decision has been made you will go through that process. Happy future card (Sun) with 9 of Cups (wish card). Coming out of that time/fog. Divine timing again (Wheel). Decision being made, energy changing. All of this is fated, meeting and being together. "if you can trust with that. " "if you can walk by fate and not by sight. Don't judge how things look on surface value." "Trust that your feeling about this connection/future is connect." Things can change on a dime. You'll understand their fears better. Eight of Wands--will finally say what you want to hear from them. They will reach out. Whatever challenges can be overcome. All the scales are going to balance.

Yes, but when? EVER? Or years from now? Or decades from now?

Post-audition: Well, that went well. They had seven people in there (mostly kids?). Mary and Oscar were the chattiest and the ones that were before and after me in the lineup, so we had fun talking about shows we were in (Mary had seen Robin Hood, even). They seem nice, if, y'know, things work out. They said they were doing 48 seconds of songs (ones I did not know). Mary has done Ugly Duckling before ("I didn't take it personally,"), Oscar wants Donkey really bad. I was all, I'll take ANYTHING, I haven't the faintest what they'd cast me for anyway.

(Looking at the list: I'd think Mama Bear would be my best shot. I guess Ugly Duckling if they cast a lady. Wicked Witch--I wish! Heck, I dunno what I'd fit. It's been awhile since I saw the musical anyway.)

I was probably only in for a couple of minutes: one minute to do the song and then to find out that they post a list of who got callbacks Monday night at 11, and send you another song to work on Tuesday, callbacks on Wednesday. I said, "uh, just so you know, I'm getting my second shot Tuesday," and they said "Pfizer or Moderna?" and I said "Pfizer," and they were all, "Don't worry about it, we got that one." (Mom also said that Roger was fine other than being a little tired the next day after his Pfizer.)

So that's over and done with, and went very well. It sounds like all they were going on for the first audition is whether or not you can sing along to accompaniment and carry a tune, and well, I got one of those down at least :P

We shall see tomorrow, late at night, I guess.

After hours, I am watching a "March Monologue Madness" thing that Jackie (the one from Kelly's play) put on. There is a director in this named Rocky that ah, certainly got my attention for wearing a cape, doing a Scottish accent, and then, of course, whipping out a sword at home. Anyway, after everyone does a classical monologue, Jackie had them going off against each other. I'm amused that they had two Benedicks and Rocky was one of them. This time he did a different monologue, in a Southern accent. Later, he put on a crazy masquerade mask. It's a shame he's on the wrong coast, y'all. I don't think I'd be his type somehow, call it a hunch (and obviously too young there as well), but as some other folks have said, shouldn't I find someone else to focus on?

Seriously, I would really appreciate having Something Else To Think About that isn't wanting what I can't have. I'm beyond tired of this. It's been two years now, FFS.

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