Chaos Attraction

Can't Catch Me!

2005-04-05, 10:42 p.m.

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So, my schedule for the spring quarter is set.

Monday: Abs class and 2 hours of cardio.

Tuesday: Abs class, 2 1/2 hours of toning. (Oooh, the amount of weightlifting I did today. Dayum.)

Wednesday: 2 hours of kickboxing and an hour of toning, alternating with 1 hour of kickboxing and 2 hours of improv class.

Thursday: Volunteering night.

Friday: Dance class.

Saturday: Dance class and toning class, alternating with Craft Center classes.

Sunday: Step class, toning class, kickboxing class, with the occasional CC class thrown in here too.

On the one hand, I'm really really excited to do all of that stuff. On the other hand, you should have seen me filling out my schedule today. I normally kind of color-code the things and stick them up on my wall at work, but I ran out of colors. I mean, DAYUM, this is overachieving even for me.

Sure, I say that it's because I don't want to clean my house- and hell, I don't- but it is kind of like, what am I hiding from?

It's kind of a trend, you see. I don't get home until 9:30 at the earliest most nights. I won't go on AIM any more. I really don't want to turn on my cell phone any more. I'm only checking messages once or twice a week and every time someone calls me to chat, I get bitchy. I'm very rarely actually social any more beyond hanging out with Heather and co.

In short, I'm keeping busy and unavailable so I can avoid... something. Maybe it's just people, because it seems like any time someone (*cough*Mom*cough*) needs me or wants my attention, I get all stressed out and bitchy. And I'm a lot happier these days when I'm not at home and in places where cell reception isn't available. Sitting at home with my phone on, totally available for anyone to get in touch with me? Gives me the creeps, and I don't want to be available to people any more.

How screwed up am I? A damn lot.

But it sure makes me feel a whole lot better to be unavailable and always on the run. I feel free enough to have wings when I'm out of the house.

Can't catch me, I'm the gingerbread girl.

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