Welp, I slept even worse today. Up around 1:30, could not doze off until 6. Usually I'm doing that every other night, not 2 nights in a row. I debated calling in sick today to go back to sleep, but who am I kidding? I still won't sleep.

One of my younger coworkers had a bomb dropped on her today and she was asking for assistance about it. I sadly hadn't heard anything about the crazy situation they gave her--I'll just say they're giving her a choice of X (which sucks) or Y (which would be better) when she really wanted Z (continue working on Y a few months longer). Basically they are all, one way or another, we want you out the door by the end of spring, whether you're ready or not. She's had a lot of family/health stuff going on for years and it sounds like the organization has hit the end of their tolerance about her struggling. Which sucks. I couldn't do much but sympathize and remind her that she can come get a Baby Yoda, which I think helped a bit, at least.

I got a random phone call from some girl trying to call Lioness over an email, claiming my phone number was in Lioness's email signature. (I checked, it's not. HUH? I'm afraid to report anything about the fucking phone, though.) I tried to get ahold of Lioness online, no dice. I finally gave the girl my boss's number since she HAD to talk to SOMEONE and I had no idea what was going on. Lioness finally surfaced on Slack after the girl hung up and was all, "I told her to fill out a form." I'm aware you did that, but she wanted to talk to you anyway. WHATEVER, not my problem.

I am very very very very very very very sick of the neverending emails. No matter how many I do, enough come in that I don't make a dent. Spring and summer are my favorite seasons in life, but they are the worst at my job. I'm soooooooooooooo sick of the fucking emails. It wasn't even an especially bad day but I was so fucking fried by the overloads of SAME FUCKING SHIT CONSTANTLY. The numbers just don't go down and the complaints don't go away. It's Too Many People, Too Many Demands and I'm not even on the PHONE and I feel like this.

I have to remind myself: I'm here for the health insurance, for working from home in a pandemic instead of as a barista, for vaccine priority, etc. I'm here for the macro, not the micro. The macro, not the micro. But I'm so exhausted and started hitting the bottle again after work. And I was already ready to go to bed, but I had to stay up for rehearsal.

As for rehearsal, they seem to have had some kind of pianist snafu, so no music tonight. (The question of "How does one rehearse that on Zoom?" will remain a mystery to all at least one more night to a few more weeks.) So we read the two fairytale creature scenes and were told what blocking we're doing (I continue to wonder how that's going to go IRL). I get to say things like "Power to ze piggies!" and "He hoofed and he poofed and he signed an eviction notice." Then we rehearsed the Gingy torture scene, which was about the same idea. We might do singing next tomorrow night?

I have taken a sleeping pill (i.e. Benadryl) so we'll see if I actually bloody sleep tonight. Of course as of rehearsal time I'm all awake and bouncy (as Dawn would say, performer's high), so now for once I'm NOT tired...why am I always only tired at the wrong and inappropriate times? Seriously, if I don't sleep for night 3 I might consider "calling in sick" about it, because UGH, this is fairly nuts even for the likes of me.

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