Chaos Attraction

Zoey's Extraordinary Review Roundup

2020-04-12, 9:20 p.m.

And now, to finish out the night, it's time to catch up on "Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist."

"Zoey's Extraordinary Confession:

Plot points:

(a) After Joan announces her divorce, she announces that Leif and she are working on that idea from last week. Leif is thrilled, but that means he ditches his best friend Tobin, who is secretly feeling angsty about this, which only Zoey knows for obvious show reasons. Eventually Leif just tells Tobin that Tobin needs to grow up, more or less. Then it gets WEIRD when Zoey sees Leif "singing" "I Put A Spell On You" to Joan, having gotten the hots for her while they were working together. I thought Leif was gay? I'm confused. But of course they make out anyway, because a rebound with your employee is a brilliant idea. Zoey splits.

(b) The family is caving in and hiring a caregiver for Mitch, and they hire the most professional of the options, but she's basically a strict robot with no feelings and has to be told to refer to her patient by his name. I am wondering if this was also inspired from the creator's real life experiences. In my case, we only had one in for two weeks and we got Mauricio, who obviously we have kept in our lives ever since, so we got lucky there. Anyway, they eventually fire her and hire the guy who wanted to play online poker, who at least gives Mitch a choked-up laugh and will get him chocolate shakes when he wants them.

(c) Max HIRES A FUCKING FLASH MOB to sing his feelings to Zoey IN REAL LIFE, and she freaks when this happens because it was actually REAL and ends up telling him about her "superpower." Max doesn't buy this at first, naturally, and then gets quite offended when she tells him she figured out he liked her and he said "why didn't you do anything about it" and she's all "I did" and he figures out she fixed him up with Autumn. AWKWARD.

Honestly, this is what bothers me about Skylar Austin: I do not buy that this guy is secretly in love with Zoey when he's not singing. I can say from oh, my real life before March 2020, that can tell when a guy isn't singing that he's into you. He's probably ah, making eyes at you at the very least, giving off some vibe, trying to be close to you at least some of the time. Max seriously just gives me total platonic vibe in every non-singing scene. I don't really want to rag on the guy and he was doing some excellent singing the last time I saw him online, but as an actor, I just don't buy him as having warm feelings. He always seems a bit 'tudey and bro-y in prose.

Anyway, Zoey eventually says she can't deal with losing their friendship if they go there when she's already losing her dad. Max is unthrilled and wants his space. There's an awkward conversation about it with Simon later. Oh yeah, and Simon and Zoey have agreed to avoid each other other on a friendship level.

"Zoey's Extraordinary Glitch:"

"Hooking up with Leif is like kissing a Slytherin."

Oh god, the entire family has to be told that the drug Mitch was on is no longer working and "we're now entering the final stages of the disease." Zoey blue screens of death in her brain and just hears ringing in her ears.

Now Zoey's singing about losing her mind...yup, Crazy by Gnarls Barkley. ...and now Max sees her doing a dance number. .Now, it makes sense that she'd be singing "Crazy," but I'm a little baffled on "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" as a method of outing that she saw Joan and Leif made out. Pretty sure there's got to be sexier songs out there about that. (Leif figures it out.) Then of course Zoey loses it and starts singing some "Pressure" song (not "Under Pressure") and Max sees the whole thing and joins in. They manage to wank the whole thing into using the song to explain what 'The Chirp" is.*

* it gives you a briefing in your ear as to people's name, who they are, etc.

Then Zoey starts in on "I"m Yours...." to Max, followed by "I Want You To Want Me" to Simon. DAMN GIRL. You know, I'm pretty relieved I don't have Zoey's power glitch ever happening to me IRL....except, y'know, karaoke exists and at least one time I got busted on that. Sigh. I do admit that Max's face when talking to her about this afterwards actually seemed like he had feelings though. Then she makes out with Simon.

In the background, Zoey's mom is calling and Tobin is having work fuckups and fixed them. Zoey finally admits that her dad only has a few weeks to live. "I don't know how to be around him, I don't know what to say." I HEAR YA, GIRL. "What kind of kid is scared to be with their dying dad?" I WAS ALL THE FUCKING TIME, ZOEY. Then she goes into "How Do I Live." Awwww.

Maybe this wasn't the time to watch this show on a night where I"m already a bit messy? Eh...this show does it to me anyway regardless of when I watch it. Suffice it to say, mess right now.

"Zoey's Extraordinary Silence:"

"It's what the heart song wants."

It's the next day, Zoey thinks her song glitch is over with, but then she has to deal with life the next day.

Howie (the new aide) and Dad start singing "The Sound of Silence." Wait, how did her dad suddenly know she has powers? She just talked to him like he knew, but I don't recall them having a conversation about it? Anyway, Zoey's dad types out "Dau" and she figures out he means that Howie has daughter issues, and asks about it. Howie is all, the reason why I like taking care of people like your dad is they usually keep secrets.

I have only just noticed that they are cutting off a swear word right as they break into the credits screen every time.

I don't think I needed to know that Emily is horny. Pretty sure Zoey really didn't need to know that. Or Maggie either.

Mo has it out with Simon about his feelings and ends up feeling sympathetic towards his confusing, leading him to say he has no advice for Zoey. Yup. We're all stumped there.

Max gets a magical job offer. Of course he does. You know that was happening to get him out of Zoey's workplace. I don't feel like I need to address this predictable topic further.

OOOOOH, HOWIE'S DAUGHTER IS DEAF AND I AM SO EXCITED. I guess that sounds bad that I said that, but I've always been super into sign language. I tried to learn it off and on for years and can't speak any languages I've tried for shit, but it's still awesome.

Anyway, the reason why Howie and his daughter are feuding is that Abigail is a budding programmer (she and Zoey hit it right off, which is cute) and wants to go to Kenya to install her program. And Howie is all, it's too dangerous for someone like you. And then Abigail and dormmates breaks into sign language song and I am squeeing. (Note: it's "Fight Song," btw.) Also, I suddenly have a lot more respect for Tobin when he turns out to have learned sign language to bone a girl. Never did "seal the deal," but he still loved the language. "You are a man of constant surprises," Zoey says, and I concur. Anyway, Howie was always trying to "fix" her (her opinion) and she's over that shit and wants to just go do what she wants to do already. I like her. "I'm not crying, you're crying," says Tobin.

Zoey politely tells Simon that she's not going to do this any more. You go, girl. Emily springs for a chair lift for the stairs. Abigail is going to Kenya.

Simon singing "Happier" in a dance number with his fiancee seems very apropos. And that's the end.

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