Chaos Attraction

The Dreaded Shoe Shopping

2019-04-14, 7:57 p.m.

I spent the day shopping.

(a) I packed all of my double pointed needles into my bag yesterday and they are fucking GONE, nowhere to be found after multiple searches. I can only assume the fucking fairies stole them because there is nowhere else they could have been lost but inside the bag or my house or car and they ain’t there. GRRRRRRRRRR THOSE THINGS ARE EXPENSIVE ($10/pop). So I had to go buy a few more sets, though I couldn’t get enough to replace all of them.

(b) I otherwise spent the day looking for clothes for publicity photo day next week (Thursday). I have no idea if I’ll be able to find anything in the costume shop or not on Tuesday--either way I don’t have time to roam the stores for hours on a weekday on Wednesday if that doesn’t pan out--so I felt like I had to look around to see if there was anything I could find on my own. Plus shoes because (a) costume shop can’t do those really and (b) I figure no matter what I’m probably gonna have to wear black heels. Which my feet HATE (really, my feet hate shoe wearing in general but they prefer sandals and air on the toes and no hard shoe edges and backs cutting into me like Exacto blades. So I knew that finding shoes was gonna suck.

For the record, this is the sort of thing I’m supposed to be wearing, and could not find in the stores:

“Vintage 1950’s black chiffon cocktail dress with full chiffon skirt, length just above the knee. Vintage 1950’s black pumps with sheer nude stockings. ACCESSORIES: simple bracelet and wedding band. 1950’s stone or glass earrings (clip-on), modest diamond-heart necklace. (NOTE: Loretta is not 50’s chic. She simply hasn’t left the Coliseum in forty years. Her make-up tells the story--it is always applied by lounge-light.)”

I definitely could not find any cocktail dresses with big full skirts in the various thrift stores I tried (except for one that didn’t fit and had other issues). Couldn’t find any cheap wedding bands or any wedding bands. I saw a few clip-on earrings that looked absolutely excruciating to put on and so I did not buy them. Basically I couldn’t find any of that except for the heels and pantyhose. I found a lot of fairly crap black dresses.

The problem here is that I’m spending my own money (...I dunno if that’s an issue or not...) and I don’t want to buy something Loretta would wear but I can’t stand. Given all of the crap descriptions of her as being “brow-beaten by Vinnie” and “a little worn,” I figured that if she didn’t have a nice 1950’s dress she’d probably be in something plain, black, and crappy, and I hate that. Also, am I obligated to get stuff like a purse or not? I dunno, but black purses are a few dollars a dozen so I figure I can find that anywhere any time elsewhere if I have to.

So mostly I saw a lot of not great dresses, but finally in the last store I found what I think is the 2019 equivalent of Kinsey Millhone’s all-purpose dress. It was a designer (Ralph Lauren, go figure, for $10) one that actually fit tightly yet looked good on me and looked very reasonable. I could wear it to job interviews or something. So I bought that as a backup if nothing works out in the costume shop.

As for the agonies of the feet, I spent way too much time in the DSW trying on damn shoes. Man, I hate shoe shopping so much. I ended up getting two pairs: a pair of heels with chunky heels so that I can actually walk in them that so far in the store did not hurt and then a comfy Mary Jane type in case those don’t work out, because the black flats I have here still also hurt. Why do all ladies’ shoes have hard edges that cut my feet, boxes so tight my feet barely fit and the toes hurt? Blech.

It’s Birthday Season and that means I have to come up with presents for Mom again. So far I’ve gotten three books at the library book sale (Goldie Hawn, Diana, Oprah). Now, Mom mentioned a few weeks ago that she found kids’ light-up shoes that she could fit into and liked, but she didn’t buy them because Roger didn’t approve. I thought that was sad and I know she’s been eyeing all the light-up shoes she’s ever seen for years. So I was thinking, “hell with it, I’ll buy her the dang shoes and whether or not Roger approves, she can wear them or not when he’s not around and even if she never does anything with them like she never even does anything with anything I’ve gotten her for the last several years, she can say she has light-up shoes.” She told me the size (kids’ 3) and had already shown me the video and said they were at Kohl’s. I wasted time yesterday driving across town to Kohl’s to find them, but that store did not have them. Well, I’m guessing she messed that up because they were at DSW.

Not only were they at DSW in her size, they also had some rainbow sneakers that did not light up that were even better except for the lack of lights. I finally ended up giving up on trying to make this a surprise and telling her this via text and sending photos. She picked the rainbow shoes. Hell, I wish I could have gotten them, but apparently I’m a size 4 in kid shoes and they didn’t have those in rainbow. Disappoint.

So I spent waaaaaaaaaay too much on shoes. And I haven’t even mentioned that I found a pair of very, very purple Pumas at one of the thrift stores and bought those. And then I had to go buy makeup since I hardly wear any of that ... I don’t think I have since last year’s Gumbo. I tried going in a beauty store but the ladies were extremely made up and Very Very Eager To Help Me and that makes me want to run, especially when I’m not committed to this idea and don’t want to spend tons of money on the fancy shit. that’s done, and I’m home watching Moonstruck as per director’s orders of watching at least one NYC movie. Anyone ever notice that when Loretta comes home with a hickey, she puts on a V-necked shirt that totally shows it off and she didn’t even try to find a turtleneck or something even though she knows her fiance’s coming? (Likewise, Ronny hasn’t hid his either but that’s not a shocker for him.) That’s very me during the college years to do that kind of stupid when you have a hickey. That amused me.

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