Chaos Attraction

Friend Dates and How To Handle The Aftermath

2019-04-15, 7:59 p.m.

Most of my day was spent dealing with publication drama. Every spring I am forced to produce publication stuff for an event I don’t otherwise work on (because they cannot handle it) and it is tons of drama and hell and “oh, can you do THIS now too?” for weeks on end and I get everything super piecemeal and get utterly surprised a lot. The day started off with the business process mapping of this--not too fun there to explain when they are always dropping shit on me--and then in the afternoon my boss wanted to have an immediate meeting to talk about what goes on with this. This went on for over 2.5 hours, caused a fair amount of swearing and “Nobody else but you would even be able to deal with all of this stuff,” and finally, “I’ve had enough and I’ve only been doing this for a day.”

Also, they decided to move up the deadline for this crap by a lot and my boss was freaked that I may only get 2 days to deal with it all. Well, who knows. They were supposed to send it to us by the 19th, claimed they’d do it by 4 p.m. today and then of course did not, which shocks me not at all. Then it takes 3 days to process their stuff with the tech team before I can even proofread it...argh, let’s not get into it all.

GQ said his interview ... well, sounds like it went well enough for him at least. It was scheduled for 45 minutes and only went 27, but they only asked him ten questions. (Whaaat?) He did finally manage to find the job listing about 36 minutes before the interview and when they asked why they should hire him, he said the honest answer he wanted to give was “Because I can research some shit outta some shit.” (Instead he gave a “I’m a motivated go-getter” sort of answer, I think. I didn’t write that down.) In the end, who knows.

I also finished the sweater dress I have been working on and showed it off at knitting group tonight and everyone liked it. One person said it wasn’t just the dress, she liked my personality. Awww.

I got a call from Jackie tonight. She is doing some kind of friend app and met a girl on it that is her type (i.e. resemblance to one of her favorite celebrities). They had one friend date, I think it sounds like it went well but now she is freaking out over the following:

(a) I texted her about Game of Thrones and she wrote back answers to my questions, but that was it.
(b) I gave her plenty of opportunities to ask me out back but she didn’t
(c) I really want someone else to iniitate all the time (note: I pointed out she probably initiates with me a lot more than I do with her, given the distance issues)

What this all boils down to me, I think, is insecurity. She wants to know if it’s mutual or not, she has crush issues, etc. And I was all oh yeah, BEEN THERE DONE THIS FAIRLY RECENTLY LET ME TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. I was encouraging her to at least try to ask her out one more time and if she says yes, great, if she says no and says nothing else, then don’t bother, and if she says I can’t do it X time but can do something else later, then go with it. If you try one more time, then you know. I pointed out that there isn’t any kind of standard for how long you wait really, especially with friend dates, and at least with two girls you know you don’t have to hedge about the answer in case you tell him no and he decides to kill you.

Related Doctor Nerdlove posts here and here and here and here.

I was trying to encourage her to ask the girl out one more time at least. If she says yes, great (I asked if she’d say yes if the girl did it and she said yes). If she says no, then now you know. If she says “not now but what about (something else suggested),” then there’s hope. Just give it one more go, at least. Since you met on a friend dating app, (a) this is going to come up with more than just this one, over and over again, so you might as well deal with it, and (b) sometimes you may have to keep initating, especially if this is someone who isn’t in your normal circle. I think she may have more advantages in her situation than I did with mine back in the day since the girl is actively looking.

Sadly, I think she’s gonna bail because she feels less anxiety if she just lets this one go. Again, I know the feeling. I think we left it at “I’ll text her about Game of Thrones next week.”

I did send her notes from this book in hopes that might encourage her to initiate more, along with a bunch of Doctor Nerdlove, but...she probably won’t.

Oh well. I totally get why she doesn’t want to and I agree that it’s a struggle to keep initiating, but she could try asking again once (like I did) at least. Then you know.

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