Chaos Attraction

The Douche And I

2015-04-17, 11:48 p.m.

Mom's here for the weekend, so I forced her to go to the Comedy Spot with me so I could check out a few shows. I spotted one other guy from class a few seats down--he was reading during intermission like me, but we chatted a bit.

"Sketch Mix" is the written sketch show, one of the "free to students" ones. I didn't think it was too bad, but it was so mostly Not Mom's Thing that I felt like I should apologize to dragging her to something where people swore. (Guess what, this went worse as the night went on...)

Sketches included:
* A James Bond one where the villain can't get any minions to drop James into the shark tank with Mr. Fins because he's boinked EVERYBODY except the villain. Okay, fine, I can still get my own hands dirty and drop you in myself, the villain says...only to hear "Mr Fins! I still remember that weekend we spent together..." Followed by: "YOU FUCKED MY SHARK?!" Okay, great setup for the joke there.
* Two medieval guys going off to save Princess Vagina ("Seriously, that name? Really?"), only to find that Princess Vagina only goes for other vaginas.
* As one guy dies, he tries to force his friend to make sure his son goes to Harvard, marries the hottest girl, and makes darned sure the firstborn grandchild is a girl. Uh, that's gonna be difficult...
* A bunch of restaurant employees sneak out for a smoke. Most of them have pot, and as all of them are about to light up, the restaurant owner comes out, gets annoyed, and shows off by shooting heroin instead. I had to explain this to Mom afterwards, followed by "I only know what this is through film and television."
* A guy and girl going to a very weird "trumpet instructor" who... was kinda creepy and weird.
* Oh, and the final sketch was the best: a guy and a girl are held up by mimes. The guy totally buys into it: "She built a wall! Don't hurt her" (with that imaginary knife). The girl is all "Oh, this is stupid." She finally pulls out an imaginary gun and shoots the mimes, who fall down. Her boyfriend is all, "Since when do you carry a gun?" It was GREAT. Even Mom liked that one.

The next show was "You! The Musical," in which they make up a musical ON THE SPOT. You like it when Wayne Brady does it all on his own? YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THIS AND IT'S BRILLIANT. They get a title from the audience--I believe they said the last two shows were "High Noon At The OK Corral" and...never mind, I forget the other one, it was just okay. But the winning title, by a lot, was "The Douche And I." AND IT WAS BRILLIANT. The performers I recognized were the owner/instructor, the Cage Match girls/sub from this week, and the guy who does the Cage Match emceeing who is quite wacky. But everyone was awesome.

We had:
* Douche #1, Chad, who just wants to win the golden trophy, win the Frisbee competition, and bang the weirdest chick he can find. Boy, did Eric the Cage Match emceee have a VERY GOOD TIME OF THIS.
* His friend and fellow douche, who I believe had a name like "Chet Magnum." Also in the Frisbee competition.
* The Weirdest Chick He Can Find, who's trying to be a 1950's girl in public and freaky deaky in private.
* Her friend, egging her on and being dingy.
* Mother Mary (Douche #2), a nun dedicated to bringing down all the douches of Chico State by attending the Frisbee competition and spraying their crotches with holy water and acid.
* Her sidekick nun, who'd rather hand out psalms and make churchy puns (those brought the house DOWN), but she trusts her sidekick, even with the acid.
* And then there's Brian, playing the miscellaneous roles of Random Nice Dude Walking By, Frisbee Ref Who Gets Sprayed With The Acid And Gets High, and Jesus (Douche #3). Which was also hysterical.

Anyway, they did some incredibly funny/dirty "I Want" songs, eventually leading to the Frisbee competition where Chad fought off Mother Mary with Frisbees and later Axe body spray. After which Jesus comes down, takes Mary and her friend to heaven, where everyone bangs all day and gets high. Let the kids be kids, Jesus says, and he matches up the remaining cast members.

IT WAS HYSTERICAL. I laughed so hard.I want to see this all the times. I want to know how the hell they do this. They must have like, all the common rhyming words memorized or something! I want to take the class in this now even though I can't sing for shit, just to know how it works.

For the record, Mom was not as into this as say, the owner's mom (sigh, she's still so prim and proper), but at least thought it was funny. However, I can never bring her there again unless I"m performing, I suspect. Sigh. Oh well, at least I can say I've caught those shows.

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