Chaos Attraction

Freak Flag

2021-04-18, 8:47 p.m.

recently on Chaos Attraction
Almost Like Normal Out There - 2021-04-24
Regiment #1 - 2021-04-22
Smart People? - 2021-04-21
Harsh Truths About This Connection - 2021-04-20
The Other Side - 2021-04-19

archives

Cast list as of November 2019

Suffragist play drama: Kelly has had various talking to's with Marc and his wife, Marc apparently has Asperger's and doesn't think he can do the role, so he will back out of it and stick to doing video stuff. Jeff said yes, then backed out because he said he was too busy, but will help find other people....which translated into Facebook, apparently. So we spent a lot of the afternoon debating who else to ask, whether or not Shawn can do green screen (nope), and finally deciding to ask Robert about it. Kelly will also talk to Carlos as to whether or not he wants to do it in a live reading or not.

Collage Club: Transformation Game, round 2. Meg wanted me to change my question to "How can I be more optimistic?" rather than what I wanted to do about breaking the block of optimism jinxing myself. I said no, I can't even maintain optimism for 15 minutes! I also feel straight up betrayed--in general, by myself, by the universe-- about the whole situation. I actually believed in this and I was wrong. I had room for doubt--and obviously things got more doubtful as time went on--but I did somehow believe it would happen at some point. How the hell am I supposed to trust and believe?

I moved up to the mental level. I also angsted in great detail when I got the card "trust" and started going on about I could never really trust that Scott was going to be around as a friend for the long term because he doesn't have the traits of long-lasting friendship, and as someone else (probably Doreen) said, his behavior sent a message as well, and you had your own knowing. (Same kinda goes for theater people in general now, for same reasons.) And that it's not really friendship when you're waiting for someone to cave in, now is it?

Meg's argument was that you love who you love, regardless of their opinion of it, or response, and they would send cards to Doreen when she was shut down after her husband's death even though she didn't respond for years. "If you get nothing else from this game, you get to love who you love." You're being asked to love and expect nothing back.

...Yeah...I just feel that I need to disconnect. Stop having hopes or wanting anything from him because I'm not going to get it. He's clearly not going to be a lasting factor in my life on any level after all. I wanted to make it happen, but he doesn't want to, so it won't. I can get attention from just texting with Kelly and Shanna all day right now, thankyouverymuch. Or hanging out with friends who actually clearly want to hang out with me and make me feel good, rather than always fucking wondering if he does or doesn't actually want me around when it seems like half the time he does not.

No game next week. Meg is coming over here to see Ian, but he's high risk and of course unvaccinated, so no seeing me. That might be the case anyway, but I think Doreen was disappointed in me recounting last night ("You had your mask on, right?" "No, we were eating."). I must redouble my efforts. Also I certainly hope I didn't give myself Covid for being a fucking idiot now. I feel fine today, mind you, but we'll see over the next week. I don't think I'm gonna bring up "hey, can I get together with you?" with her for a few weeks after that incident.

After that, I walked around in the greenbelt for two hours, continuing to see love signs around me. Literally, even. I can say that in the area of the greenbelt I covered, something had changed--some lady in a vicinity--clearly a Christian one--added some new toys and furniture and decorations in an area, a great yarn bomb saying "Bee Kind," loved that. And there's a heart shaped sign with a flier with a red heart on it that says "Love: Looking for the Real Thing?" Except that was a Jesus thing, of course, so I let it be. I will note that someone also put up a heart by the library that says "You're not alone."

*glares at universe*

Shrek rehearsal: choreography for "Freak Flag." This went a lot better than anything else that has gone on before, all things considered. NO PARTNER DANCING, per Steve (I totally agree, that's a disaster), though Jan is sad she can't make us dance around each other in boxes or whatever. I like the dance steps and they're fun, except for one part that's supposed to be deliberately boring because we're just being background while others do solos. I wouldn't really care about that, but getting the rhythm of it's a bit weird. Also, uh, Jan's being filmed from the front and I guess we are supposed to be doing her in reverse, which was confusing because I have spent my entire life copying someone's dance moves from behind. Someone requested a video be filmed with that, so yay there.

We also only rehearsed for an hour 20 minutes. Have to say, so far rehearsals are short! Perhaps they have a short attention span? I have tomorrow off and then do Tuesday/Thursday again.

Quotes (though I couldn't write it all down tonight, for obvious reasons): "This is just fun steps, not pirouettes or anything." -Jan Jan: "Only Mary has to do cartwheels across the stage." Mary: "I wish!" "I think I can do a virtual cartwheel." -Steve Jan said they did this show in 2014, where she played a guard and Mama Bear. Three people in this show (Hugo, Dannette, Mary) are in it again, so "we must be doing something right." They talked about wearing red leggings to do background for the dragon, which we won't be doing this time. Steve: "I looked really good in these leggings. I kept mine."

Finally watching (in full) the Crown episode that inspired Kelly: "Dear Mrs. Kennedy." We watched most of it over Cisco Webex a month or so ago, but time to watch the whole thing in full.


previous entry - next entry
archives - current entry
hosted by DiaryLand.com