Chaos Attraction

DMV Logic

2010-04-26, 10:26 a.m.

I spent most of the last week, well...pouting. As you might imagine. I kind of wanted to call in sick on Wednesday, except a coworker beat me to it.

Apparently no one other than cops and driving instructors have ever heard of this "totally drive in the bike lane for 200 feet" thing. (Yes, it's in the goddamned DMV handbook, which I should memorize 100% by heart, but can't.) I can't say that I've seen anybody even doing it, either. Not that that matters...DMV logic. (My mom found a random cop hanging around this weekend and asked him. He was all, "I don't work for the DMV, I don't like the DMV, I don't understand their logic either.")

Jess did a tarot reading for me as to how another test would go. And it was extremely NOT WELL. Like, don't even think you're going to pass round 2 because the DMV will squash you and something unexpected will happen to screw you (see next paragraph). So yeah, not even bothering with a standby test. Or getting my hopes up for passing a round 2 later either. I think I may just not bother to tell anyone about any future test scheduling unless I actually pass something. The way I go with the DMV logic, I may end up having to take the thing seven times :P Hell, I may see if I can attempt to schedule multiple behind-the-wheel tests (yeah, probably not) to see if I don't have to wait 2 months between tests then.

Oh, speaking of things I have been hearing about lately: two friends got flunked/marked off for having bikers pull in front of them unexpectedly during tests. Both of them did what you'd figure they'd do and hit the brakes on the car. Well, APPARENTLY THE DMV DOESN'T WANT YOU TO DO THAT. They would rather you take some time to turn around, check your blind spot and see if a car's behind you, because HITTING THE BRAKES IS BAD. Well, yes, but that's (a) assuming you have the spare time to turn around and check for a car behind you, and (b) if a car is behind you, uh, what are you supposed to do? Hit the biker? Is THAT considered the best option by the DMV?

Mom and I have been screaming at each other for a week about this topic. "THEY DON'T WANT YOU TO HIT THE BIKER! THEY DO NOT!" she yells. I say, "Well, if you're not allowed to hit the brakes, WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO? Seriously, someone tell me what I'm supposed to do instead because if I'm not allowed to hit the brakes and this happens to me during a test, I need SOME OTHER OPTION." (Have not found the answer to this in the DMV handbook so far.)

I have been getting into this topic with other people who ran into this issue and have been told that "if it's an animal, the DMV would rather you hit the animal." ...Lovely, but what if it's a person? "Try swerving." (Which uh, is also dangerous, since that's how I crashed a car. Also, what if there's cars NEXT to you?) We asked the random cop and he said, "Uh...hit the brakes."

You know what? I'm an okay driver. I haven't hit anything in the last couple of years. I have managed to drive on a busy freeway and on curvy roads without hitting anybody. I am fine at this subject matter, thankyouverymuchDMV. It's just a question of me not comprehending the effing DMV logic and not being able to get around it that's the problem at this point.

I am going to have to force myself to start studying for the written again. I went out and bought more flashcards and crap like that. Kill me now.

I did manage to find something interesting to do on my b-day: went to the Scottish Games. It was fun and I got gifted with a purple velvet cape. Happily, being of an uh, "alternative" religion and all means that I actually have occasions to wear such a thing other than to hippie-fests and Halloween. So, whee! And then went to Fenton's (fabulous ice cream restaurant) for dinner.

I also got/did book shopping, mostly of the dirt cheap variety. I went to the olde hometowne's new library (okay, new to me, they got it done when I had moved out) the next day for a book sale and wow, it is super nice. Made me actually wish I lived there again so I could hang out there more often. Did I mention that the library in this town is getting remodeled right now and I can't do such things at the moment? Then went out to a fancier dinner and promptly got carded--"Uh, we're offering free wine samples, but you don't look old enough." Mom about died laughing, I just calmly pulled out the ID like usual. Yes, it's strange that I'm now over a decade older than legal drinking age and still can pass for a teenager, but...oh well, let's just hope this holds out when I'm 40.

And speaking of book shopping, if you find three books on or mentioning synchronicity within 24 hours, DO YOU THINK THAT'S A HINT OR ANYTHING?!, yeah.

Upcoming for the week: dentist appointment (wah), followed by getting to see Ira Glass. Yes, he's coming to my town and I'm so excited. Of course, none of my friends have any idea who I'm psyched about, and so far only one guy in this town (who's from Chicago) knew who he was... That's sad, people! And presumably we're throwing a Beltane party this weekend, if we ever get around to planning the thing. At which I can presumably wear my cape.

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