Chaos Attraction

Enjoy How Miserable You're Feeling Right Now

2021-05-02, 8:34 p.m.

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Cast list as of November 2019

It is super windy outside today, so I did not end up leaving the house at all. I swear it took me a few hours just to stop sneezing once I woke up, it was that kind of weather. Which is probably all for the best given what I was doing today was all indoor activities.

Meg decided she wanted the Transformation Game to end today, period. Which I was not cool with (I hate stopping before actually "winning" the game), but kept my mouth shut since I was quite outnumbered on it. I guess I got results on it anyway (and made it to the mental level on my one turn, so there's that... at least I got to the third of four levels). I was mostly keeping my mouth shut, both because of last week and because I just wasn't feeling that talkative.

Meg: "Enjoy how miserable you're feeling right now." (Said entirely straightfacedly without a lick of snark.)

I came to the conclusion that I am just not ready to embrace happiness, hopefulness and optimism. Meg was all "you're choosing to do that" and I said that feels safe to me. Safeness is some kind of misery to me, happiness is hard to maintain and doesn't really feel like "a choice" to me. She said I am licking my wounds. Which is certainly true. Anyway, I guess that answers how do I break the block of "if I'm optimistic, I jinx myself." I'm just not in any state of mind to be optimistic and manifest things. I vaguely debated just becoming a bystander in the group since clearly I am not manifesting various good things like others are doing, but they said it was fine, someone has to show it's okay to be unhappy sometimes. (Hah hah.)

Starting next week they want to start doing new manifestation...whatevers, with Val along. Jade did stick around after everyone else left to help me make a more thorough list of what I want in a guy, and came up with some questions I would not have necessarily thought of. I really have no preference/clue on whether or not a guy is renting vs. already owns a home. She asked on education and I was all "I know a lot of dumb college graduates, mostly I just care if they are smart enough/educated enough to make a living." And like, have actual work ethic enough to survive. She asked stuff like what preference do I have on a guy's interest in sports (mostly apathetic, I said--I only watch 'em once in a while myself, probably don't want someone who spends every weekend day on "the game"). It would not have occurred to me to think about contrasting decorating styles either.

She asked what I wanted in age right off and I felt really bad saying my pre-Scott usual of "I really prefer them around my own age," but....yeah, younger is probably not great either given how things ended up going.

After that, I finally managed to make myself watch the Shrek rehearsal videos online and go through the regiment dance numbers even though I am not super in the mood to buckle down and do shit. Thankfully those are not that complicated. I have rehearsal tonight. Tuesday and Wednesday, and then I'm off the rest of the week. Not sure what that means after that if they are 100% Utterly Done With Rehearsing...god, I hope not.

There's a version of Shrek: The Musical online that for obvious reasons, I am watching. I have seen the musical before, but it was a few years ago. Poor kid's told from the age of seven that he's ugly, everyone will automatically hate him, and he needs to find the shittiest place to live in so no one else will want it. I learned to hate myself for being a weirdo at age five, but at least my parents weren't telling me that shit, just my "schoolmates" and all that. Note: under normal circumstances, one would be watching other people's numbers when we are not in them, but they seem to think it's a bit weird when you do that, so I have not been watching the main character's scenes. It was a little shocking.

I'm not sure why we have different lyrics in some places than this show does. Wondering on that one. Also, are we supposed to be doing all of these as fast....? Hell if I know! Seriously, I should reread the WHOLE script.

I like how everyone who works for Farquaad looks like him with the hair. I play the greeter but I don't think I'm gonna get a giant Farquaad head for that...I admit I'm a bit sad to not be a Duloc dancer for the wipe your....face, line.

Shrek rehearsal: opening scene. Steve is not feeling well and after an hour, Jan told him to go lie down. I'm a "happy villager" in this one, so we sing a little song, pull out some pitchforks, and get scared and run away again.

"I think it's when Barney barks that you come in." -Steve to Dannette. "Listen, but don't make your nose grow." -Steve "Should we give Barney a treat or something?" "No, I'm not rewarding him." "We don't have him tied up somewhere." "He's lying here next to his bed." -Jan and Steve "Isn't that the saddest thing you ever heard? Little girl locked in a tower, waiting for a green guy--" "Sorry about that, technical hitch." -Steve and Adam. "CUE THE HAPPY VILLAGERS!" -Adam "I never want to hear that word again." "Latency and mute." -Steve and Jan "You're just going to throw a cloak over yourself." -Jan. "Noice." -Carter "God, I'm an idiot." -Steve "You guys are too sweet!" -Jan telling the ogre parents to be meaner. "Scare the pants off of him!" Jan: "You're nasty." "And ogres like nasty!" -Dannette and Carter "And it's your birthday! It's a happy day!" -Carter to Matt (lil' Shrek). Jan wonders if we should leave the line from Shrek about "Sorry about that, technical hitch." Me: "You never know, there's always technical difficulties." "Uch, virtual world." -Jan as people point out that "everyone dance in a giant circle" is going to be awful for editing. "Oh god, virtual world." "I'm making this up off the top of my head right now." "Scatter like roaches when the light goes on." -Jan Adam doing Fiona's voice (since Morgan and Hugo are on vacation) is a hoot. "And you know what I'm going to do next: I'm going to Disneyland!" -Adam after he's finished.


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