Chaos Attraction


2019-05-05, 9:37 p.m.

I went to the Intergalactic Expo today.

* I wanted to wear my Princess Leia costume from Halloween, but could not find the damn wig, ended up giving up and wearing a space outfit instead.
* I wanted to see the opening sketch comedy show, but got there a few minutes late and they locked the door, which made me mad. Even worse: it turned out it was Comedy Sports people.
* I don’t get why some people show up in enormous elaborate costumes and then do not actually enter the costume contest, as they should.
* There were many fine costumes there, but most of those did not enter the contest. Come on, show your work, folks.
* Once again, there was a kids’ dance number that took about five minutes. It did have some amusing dialogue at the start about “strange sparkly beings” landing, and then they have “gone away, never to return.”
* The lightsaber show went well and had several women playing the roles in it, so that’s cool.
* Millie, who I took an improv class from like a year ago, was enthusiastically hosting the costume contest. She liked my outfit but did not recognize me. Am not surprised but sigh anyway.
* Didn’t really want any merch this year, but was admiring someone’s Captain Marvel costume and once again started daydreaming about knitting my own.
* I decided to NOT stay for the Comedy Sportz show since last year that was not my bag and it seemed really sad to be there with a small audience, so instead I went to the yarn store for yarn to start designing a Captain Marvel sweater. We’ll see how that goes.

As for this evening, I went to another audition for something called “Parameters” at this adorable mini-theater a few blocks down from my shrink’s office.

From the description:

“First, the actors will perform the scene as the writer and director intended. Then, the audience will have the chance to define the parameters for how the scene should be played again. This could be as simple as being able to change roles, to as complicated as not being able to say the letter A! It’s up to the audience!”

They had four scenes, with four writers and four directors. One of them didn’t have the writer show up so as far as I can tell, they just didn’t rehearse that one.

The scenes were:

(a) “Skin Off The Top,” featuring an elderly widow trying to get someone to help her with her tax audit and a taxidermist she’s mistakenly come to for help. This is more savagely funny than it sounds because the sweet wittle old lady has a savage side and then by the end she’s yanked a head out of her bag. (Sadly, we never got that far in doing the script.) The description of the guy is a hoot: “10% redneck, 60% Southern hospitality. I know that doesn’t add up to 100%. Look, you can’t sum up a person in a few lines, so leave him 30% for personality on the outside, okay? That’s his choice. He’s his own person.” I never got to read Jackson but he sounded fun. I read the widow lady.

(b) “But Wait, There’s More,” about two TV pitch salespeople, the guy one does not realize that he’s pitching a vibrator and using it as a cooking tool. I read the lady one trying to get him to realize what he has in his hands there.

(c) “Micro-aggressions,” about two older ladies getting riled at the salesclerk thinking they need special treatment, and then they think the manager is too young and yell at that one too. I was the manager, which was...a nothing part there, oh well.

I also auditioned for the emcee, which was being the person who would periodically ring the bell and then tell people to do it in some kind of crazy style or other. I got suggestions from the audience and we all had some crazy fun.

List of suggestions given and ones I used:
* Magic school bus (yes)
* Russian spies (done to me)
* Dungeons and Dragons (specifically said to use for one person, so I did)
* Roller derby (yes)
* Cats (musical or real life, whichever you want--yes)
* Musical (for someone who said she wrote song parodies)
* Awkward school dance (yes)
* Hide and seek (yes)
* Shakespearean tragedy (yes)
* Mimes, acting out the lines (yes)
* Harry Potter
* disco
* on a crowded bus
* Elmer and Bugs Bunny, they can do whichever they want (one person started out and the other was all, “which one are you doing?”)
* Karaoke
* Walk in freezer
* Literal witch hunt (yes)

During my scenes, I was trying to do them as being in a Western, on the Titanic, Star Wars, Downton Abbey, as dogs... you get the drift.

One particular girl got a fun run of the following: Eeyore, Dolly Parton, porn movie, Catholic school, A Chorus Line... One guy walked out at some point and someone was all, “You missed the panties, Doug.” Doug was all, “I heard porno and I ran back in.”

It was fun. Dunno on whether or not I’d get in--we had about 6-7 auditioning tonight for 8-11 roles (?) so who knows what they do tomorrow. Oh, whatever, it was fun.

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