Chaos Attraction

Ditch Your Kid On Mother's Day

2019-05-06, 10:11 p.m.

Work update:

We are down to a whopping four people right now in my work group, with a new temp starting Wednesday. They desperately need me to start working phone and front counter shifts and everyone knows I hate it. Super awkward. They asked how I felt about it and I said, “I don’t want to, but I can’t say no, and I know I can’t say no. I will do what you want.” (I can’t even pretend that I’m okay with it. I am so not.) They didn’t push me on it today. But the way people are dropping like flies, it will happen, I will be the only one left and everything will be disaster. Probably right before my performance eval is due too.

It’s very quiet without GQ today. I miss him.

I asked my coworkers what was so wrong with everyone else they hired that they didn’t like (I don’t think they have liked most of the people hired within the last 2 years) and they were all “motivation, initiative, communication.” I was all my head thinking, “that’s it?” Because it seems to me like something else has to be going on because I always got the shit-ton of complaints and I have all of that.

Mom just coolly said that she and Roger are going to Auburn from Saturday (day after their birthday) to Monday, straight up skipping Mother’s Day with me.

On the one hand: DITCHED ME FOR MOTHER’S DAY DAAAAAAAAAAAAMN THAT’S COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD. And hypocritical because if I’d done that she would have screamed her head off. But on the other hand, I don’t have to deal with the mama drama and the stress and leaving Whole Earth halfway through, which makes me happy.

Play news:

I went to rehearsal early because I wanted Linda to sort out which lines Vinnie/That70’sScott is actually supposed to be saying. As it turns out, I am to get NO extra lines, which means no more memorization work for me, I suppose.

While waiting for Linda to arrive, I found out that at one point in 1972 That70’sScott was thrown through the window of the Buckhorn, next to a picture of his grandpa, and “too much partying in the 70’s fried my brain.”

The Search For The New Joey was not going so well over the weekend. I guess Jean’s remaining kid didn’t want to do it, and Linda got “false positives” twice. But later in the evening Robert called a friend of his, Brian, and got him to join up. He seems nice and jumped right in. We had more in-character introductions and then while doing that, we wondered what his job was and read the character’s biography in the playbook. And then got very sad because he is a bank teller/community theater wannabe.

The new bridesmaid’s dresses are here, and they are awesome. Hot pink. Sequinned. Very short. Strapless. You can see some butts when Laurel was skipping in it. It was dubbed, “Tinkerbell dress.”

Cameron always has the best lines about it, such as;
“We are going to be visible from space.”
When asked to “try climbing under the table” (supposedly she and Dom make out under the wedding table for a while, there is no space for this really) while wearing it, she said, “I can only handle so much tonight.”
“You will never ever escape the dress.”
“Class is not the watchword here.”

Vinnie/That70’sScott rehearsed his monologue tonight, which he has somewhat revised from the original. It involves...
* How he got his name from his great-grandpa Carmine Nero at Ellis Island.
* How Carmine dropped his last name due to getting too many “Hey, emperor, where’s your fiddle?” jokes.
* “do some styling for ya”
* “I’m the Chairman of the Board of the Colosseum!”
* singing “My Way”
* singing “That’s Life”
* telling a joke about an alligator and a crocodile being all, “I’d love to, but I’m swamped.”
* “We’re all Italian, right?”
* asking if there are any Jewish people in the house (Linda), saying “Yom Kippur and all that stuff,” and then telling a joke about a kid being cast in a play as a Jewish husband and the kid’s mother telling him to “go back and get a speaking part!”
* Linda was yelling, “GET THE HOOK!”
* “I gotta million of ‘em.”
* went back to singing “My Way.”
* forgetting words: “And when I find the words, I’ll sing them again!”
* talking about starting a Japanese kosher restaurant named So Sue Me.

Meanwhile, Steve was doing sound effects on his phone during all of this. I am debating whether or not I should get ear plugs.

People were yelling at me to stop him and everyone in the end applauded him to get the hell off. I’m not sure exactly how I’m supposed to respond there because people yelling at me to stop him as he rambles on during rehearsal is a different situation, as opposed to his star turn, y’know?

The guy playing Nunzio (Greg) is frequently absent, so his SO Ana was playing him tonight. At one point for similar reasons, I ended up playing Barry during the “Stilettos” bros section. (Basically, the guys start chanting the name of their old gang, the girls yell “assholes” back at them, there’s floor sliding and arguing and goofing off dramaz.)

Out of character quotes:

Cameron, are you ready to sing tonight? “I could, it wouldn’t be good....”
Cameron on how her and Yarn Empire Scott’s characters are under the table making out at one point: “It’s our go-to move.”
“We gotta make sure the audience doesn’t leave because this is so crazy.” -Linda on “Stilettos"
“Welcome to AA, Actors Anonymous.” -Yarn Empire Scott
“I leave the screwing up things to everyone else.” -Steve
“Age of consent in New York, let’s find that out.” “Sixteen.” --Yarn Empire Scott and Mark. (This was about how Michael supposedly waited until Tina was 18 to make his move.)
We were all supposed to go around introducing ourselves (in character) to Brian/New Joey. Linda just says she’s Linda. “That’s it?” I said. “That’s all I know for now,” she said.
Linda referred to Mrs. V as “Mrs. Vitality.”

In character quotes:

“Mrs. V, it’s been forever, you’re beautiful, blah blah blah....” Ana as Nunzio.
“I’m in white, you can’t miss me.” -Tina
“Take the shot! Take it!” -Tina chases Tony with an imaginary shot glass.
“Clumsiness runs in our family.” -Joey
(Note: I should probably mention that Mrs. V is a pale brunette, Tina is blonde, and previous Joey was also blonde, and Brian/New Joey is brunette/tan-looking. We decided he must take after his deceased father.)
“I don’t think we have the same mom...” -Joey
Tony can’t tell Johnny and Michael and their two plaid shirts apart.
“Disrespectful to whatever.” -Tony
“Maddy gets paid really well.” -Tony
Dominic on Michael’s new found sobriety of “a week or two”: “He don’t even have a coin yet.”
“We only did it once in the back of my Mustang.” -Michael
“She’s my babelicious.” -Vinnie on me. He also said we met as sophomores at “Agnes of the Perpetual Virginity High School.” Or something like that, anyway.
“You’re a little light in the loafers, I’m sorry to hear that you’re affected...” Vinnie to Joey, GOOD GOD
“I’m hoping to get him hooked up...with a woman.” -Grandma Nunzio on Johnny.
“We have a special moment of bonding.” “TMI” --Grandma (on her dance with Joey in which she falls down) and Dom.
“He’ll yell at you later. He’s not violent. Any more.” -Maddy on Nunzio.
“I really hate your mother. She’s a horrible person. She thinks I”m trash.” -Maddy on Mrs. V, to Joey.
Dominic learned a new word: “nexus.”
Dominic on his girlfriend Donna: “My better half some days, Other days, you don’t wanna know.”
Donna on her boyfriend Dom: “My significant annoyance.”
“Right back at you, darlin,” -Dom’s reply.
“I”m gonna be Beyonce like more. Like two.” -Donna. (I’m...hoping that was an accurate transcription of this.)
“But not the maid of honor. Something went wrong there.” -Donna
“I’m Connie and this whole thing is dumb.”
“I’m seven months pregnant, as you can tell” (Connie, not wearing her pregnancy pillow tonight.)
“I’m sitting on my significant other Barry. He works in pharmaceuticals, both officially and unofficially.” -Connie
(Linda’s response to this: “And sometimes he tries to make things right with pharmaceuticals. We’re not emphasizing that.”)
When Dominic asked about her divorce: “You’re the one who asked me. Fuck off, Dom.”
“Never get between Vinnie and a microphone.” -me, foreshadowing the Michael’s drunken meltdown scene.
Tony and Michael claim that now THEY wanna be together. “It’s legal now,” says Dom.

We discussed some other aspects of the play, such as Mark objecting to the section where Tina is supposed to go down his pants, how Michael’s Tina tattoo should say “Tina 4 Eva” rather than “Tina RIP” (?????) as in the script, and discussed whether or not it was a good idea for him to actually get into a fight with Vinnie during his big drunken meltdown. (Normally he’d be fighting with the now-absent singer Donny, who would presumably be younger.)

We rehearsed Stilettos again, the brother-sister dance, and Michael’s drunken meltdown, Tony and Tina dancing when she’s acting like a baby.

Ana/Maddy got a new dress, which has shiny boobies.
Like many others in the play, Brian has now acquired a bouncy ball.

Nancy has offered to host the next cast party on Thursday after rehearsal.

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