Chaos Attraction

John Wick

2020-05-08, 10:01 p.m.

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Cast list as of November 2019

Work today: another draining afternoon of training. I didn't cry this time, so at least there was that, but I was feeling very fried after like hours of nitpicking from Tigress as to what I was doing, and my boss came in around 3:30 to watch....just in time for me to discover a whopping broken program issue. Funsies!

In the categories of mysteries of life, why does BigBoss use as her Slack icon a rusty piece of metal with the word "urban" written on it?!? I also continue to be amused that she actually looks up cat gif's, since she doesn't seem like the sort, and also has a dog.

In other activities, I had "lunch" with Meg teaching her how to knit cables. Quote of the day comes from her: "Even if you are having a nervous breakdown, you still look great."

I signed up for some show tonight, but when they said, "Turn on your cameras! We want to see your beautiful faces! That's the reason why we're doing this!" I immediately noped out. Fuck you, I cannot put on Happy Face for strangers now. I just wanted to watch something WITHOUT being on display myself. Is that SO HARD?!?!? I mean, seriously, even when there was an actual in-person audience around, it's not like you personally go through everyone and make sure you SEE them and make SURE you get a reaction out of them. (Well, most shows didn’t, anyway, and I didn’t like it when they did then.) God, why can't I just hang out in the back and NOT TALK and NOT SMILE if I'm not a participant in the show? I do not want to be the one ON DISPLAY if I'm not participating in the show, I don't know any of y'all, and I just wanted to fucking watch something for an hour without having to be "on" some more.

So instead I watched John Wick, streaming*. I did bust up laughing when they did an animated commercial that sang, "Let's all go to the kitchen!" and features a beat-up animated John Wick going to the kitchen and washing his hands so long there's a giant avalanche of suds. And then when he goes back to the couch with his dog, he shoots out the light. Good job, someone.

* ....guess who likes this movie a lot.... sigh.

Thoughts on the movie:
* When John starts crying, I am proud of myself for not doing so.
* I don't think I'm gonna mention a movie that involves the plot of 'absentee wife gets pet for her lonely, left-alone husband" to my therapist since she can't actually do so for hers.
* Wait, he is seriously serving up cornflakes and milk to the dog?!?! "I'll get you some kibble later."
* So wait, the plot of this movie is he randomly ran into some shitty Russians at the gas station, refused to spontaneously sell his car, and got targeted?!
* How is your puppy doing while you are rage-driving? Just wondering. Did it barf? I bet it would barf.
* Well, at least the movie didn't graphically show puppy murder. So there's that. Wasn't looking forward to that bit.
* Oh wait, they dumped the dead puppy by his body while he was knocked out?! Creepy fuckers.
* "You fucked up his dog?!" *punches*
* "Why'd you hit my son?" "He stole John Wick's car and killed his dog." "OH." Dad later punches the shit out of his kid for this.
* Honestly, am I terrible for thinking this is now a comedy and snickering a lot? Because now I'm just like FUN TIMES.
* Dumbshit: "OH."
* "I once saw him kill three men in a bar with a pencil. A fucking pencil." (Were they vampires? I have to ask.)
* "I gave him an impossible task." So this is a fairy tale, right?
* "I can make this right?" HOW? Do you have secret necromancy powers?
* After the first round of slaughter, someone ringing a doorbell is....anticlimactic.
* Except it's a cop.
* Except.... I guess the cop is in the know?
* "Noise complaint?" "Noise complaint." "You working again?" "No, just sorting some stuff out." "Oh, I'll leave you be, then." It's a comedy.
* "I'd like to make a dinner reservation for twelve." Should they bother cooking or just buy a lot of cleaning supplies to clean up all the blood later?
* Wait, did you just pay for your room with a giant coin? THIS IS A FAIRY TALE.

Intermission: I'm not sure if it's a good idea to show puppy stuff during this movie?

* Must be SUPER FUN to get kicked in the crotch while wearing nothing but a bathrobe.
* "And you killed my dog."
* Interesting how John Wick kills a guy wearing nothing but a Speedo by shooting him multiple times and yet there's like, no blood or wounds or anything?
* So John Wick gets thrown off a balcony, probably enough to break one's back, while landing on his gun, and he's fine? FAIRY TALE.
* "Hey John!" Perkins says casually while firing.
* "Hotel rules?!"
* Well, to be fair, it does seem like the hotel guy IS trying to call him.
* No, he's just calling about another noise violation.
* Another moment of deadpan. Hey John, how you doing? Fine. I'll leave you to it, then.
* Wait, literally there's another coin reference?
* And now you just shot up a church. YOU'RE SO GOING TO HELL.
* "Have a nice day."
* Then he lights a bunch of money on fire.
* "PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!" ".... I kind of enjoyed that." Ladies and gentlemen, John Wick's one moment of fun.
* Ooooh, you went there with the "God killed your wife."
* "It was just a fucking car. It was just a fucking dog."
* Seriously, this is a shoot 'em up comedy to me. I probably shouldn't tell you-know-who this, like ever. (Like that's likely.)
* Famous last words: "It was just a fuckin'...."
* Am I supposed to think that John Wick is affected by the deaths of fellow assassins who did just try to kill him? Confused.
* I admit I kinda like Perkins, but obviously she gonna bite it too. "Your membership to the Continental has been revoked."
* Moral of the movie: don't fuck with John Wick. Er, Jonathan.
* I think I've lost track at this point as to whoall John Wick wants to kill now, other than Russian Dad. Not sure why he wants to kill Russian Dad since Russian Dad literally let him off his own dumbshit son. Other than "Movie Logic," I guess.
* And now poor John Wick is around.... a bunch of puppies.
* Okay, so he DID pick out a new dog. Good job! I was hoping for a happy ending.
* A pit bull is an excellent choice: total love bugs, but with a bad enough reputation that any other idiot Russian mobsters you run into will think twice.
*.... Not that I recall a whole lot about anything else I've read about the sequels, but they don't kill a dog in every movie, right?

The end: Jamie Lee Curtis reassures her dog that it was only acting and the dog is fine.

I debated contacting you-know-who to say I was watching this, but of course not. Can I explain why I didn't? No, other than my usual fucking headgames going on all day.

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