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Before we begin today's entry, some horoscope rambling!
Current progressions/transits on my chart. Note position of Saturn in 22 Cancer.
Then there's this.
"What is Saturn in Cancer teaching us? How to make the most of any situation. Getting real about things by doing more for other people. Learning how to speak up. Learning more about being good enough for anything. Understanding that if you criticise other people, sooner or later it rebounds. This joyful planet is now almost at the end of its time in Cancer. You will feel a massive leap forward in around a month, when Mercury and Venus in Cancer trine Uranus, the planet of liberation and freedom. That's the first glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel. Until then, this transit is about failing to get it right, but hanging in there anyway. It's about leaving criticism, of yourself and other people, at the door - otherwise nothing ever happens! It's also about big, fat tests. You've had certain things in mind for yourself in the last couple of years. Are they working in the real world? Have they worked at all, in any capacity? Now is the time to look back and learn. If you are in your late twenties or fifties, you may have your Saturn Return from May through July. Check at www.astro.com to see if Saturn is at 21 through 30 degrees of Cancer. Yes?" (Unfortunately, yes.) "Then the next few weeks will ask you to make a massive decision about yourself or your life which will help you navigate your long term future. Saturn was incredibly hip during the 20th century - before the Sixties anyway. It was about making do and mend. Listening to your elders. Being healthy, wealthy and wise. Being a grown-up. Doing the right thing. Saturn is now at its least vibey point in human history. We want fast and easy, and that is not what this planet is all about. WARNING! Do not attempt fast and easy, in the life department Saturn affects. It just never works, dammit.
Here is how Saturn has affected YOU in recent months: TAURUS: Brother, sister or cousin issues which can't be escaped; studying or getting from A to B is hard work."
Kind of ironic that she said "cousin" there, ain't it?
Anyway, here's 50 random thoughts I had today, in a neat list format.
1. Pam has arrived in California.
2. Mom managed to move enough boxes so that Pam could get INTO the room, at least.
3. Mom started whining on the phone last night about, "but do you REALLY WANT TO COME or are you just coming because I obligated you to", to the point where I had to start screaming, "YES, I REALLY WANT TO COME!!!!!!" into the phone, in public, and people were staring at me.
4. Naturally, this is the point where Mom mentions that she's got me on speakerphone so Pam can hear it.
5. I then said to Pam, "She keeps changing the plan every time I talk to her AND IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY!"
6. Pam thought this was pretty funny.
7. The social worker came yesterday.
8. Doesn't sound like much went on, disappointingly.
9. "She gave me a list of places to call, but wouldn't recommend any due to legal stuff."
10. "We qualify for no help whatsoever unless we make less than $12,000 a year."
11. "What, they want you to be HOMELESS before they give you help?!"
12. I think nothing whatsoever is going to change on the home situation after this one. Alas, I couldn't really ask her wtf was going on with Pam around.
13. Especially since Dad apparently told Mom he wouldn't have anyone but her help him. Goddammit. Shoot us all right now. Not that I didn't expect him to say that considering our family is all about NO OUTSIDERS, but still, it pisses me off when he acts like Grandma. Stupid me, I thought the social worker might help with this. I guess NOT.
14. Mom still hasn't opened her gifts yet. Didn't sound like she cared. She went to a meeting on her birthday and got Subway for dinner.
15. This really bugs me, somehow, that both of our birthdays were pretty much a nothing.
16. Maybe Pam will lighten the mood. Maybe not.
17. I told Mom I wanted to design Dad a "wheelchair poncho" for Father's Day (hell, it'd cost me as much as buying him more redneck crap). She loved the idea, but wants one of her own too. This should be interesting.
18. Finding cheap yarn when one can't drive to Wal-Mart sucketh the mighty wang. I miss Jess and Hill.
19. It especially sucketh wang when every single fucking site that offers Red Heart yarn in bulk requires someone be there in person to sign for the thing upon delivery. It's fucking Red Heart yarn, not computer equipment! I'm willing to take chances that the YARN gets stolen off my side patio!
20. In other news, I really need to go to the gym more often. I've skipped the last few weekends (with my volunteering schedule, that means I miss four days a week), and going back the last few days, I CAN TELL. Getting side cramps, having my gut actually kinda hurt during abs class, that all sucks ass. I can do a full workout this week, but having to skip Monday through Thursday next week will suck. I'm surprised I'm not limping after last night's kickboxing class, 'cause I swear with all the stupid kicks it felt like I pulled something.
21. I think I like punching, but don't like the "kick" in kickboxing. I just don't have the flexibility to kick someone in the head while they're standing up. Plus I can't fucking do the "jump front kick" (nor can I describe what this is if you don't know, sorry- it's somehow hopping/jumping on the opposite leg... or something...fuck, I don't know) and it's one of those things the teacher just loves to do every time.
22. Ever notice (if you're a gym rat) that the instructor's most favorite exercise to do is often something you really hate? Or in my case, can't anatomically DO?
23. Yeah, and for that matter, I hate "nice flat back" crap in abs. Because um, short of someone dropping an anvil on my guts, my back wants to be a bad droopy hammock.
24. Also depressing: one of the instructors saying that now the Official Government Recommendation is that one must do 90 minutes of cardio SIX DAYS A WEEK (minimum!) if you want to lose weight. Even I can't manage that. Especially since Tuesdays at the gym are nothing but weightlifting and abs classes.
25. Um, can anyone tell here that I have seriously not gotten much sleep since my birthday and it's getting to me? This trying to go to bed early thing I've been doing this week keeps getting foiled by Heather's new work schedule in which she has to go in to work by 7 and thus smacks the snooze alarm a few times starting at 6 a.m.
26. Cannot fucking WAIT to sleep in this weekend. Okay, so I have to get up for wire jewelry class one day, but that's at least not until 10:30.
27. The lawnmower guy BETTER not start revving up until 10:30. Or I will kill him.
28. Where does one get really thick ear plugs, anyway? The ones I pick up at the CC aren't working for me.
29. Am starting to wonder if it's some kind of "old home week" or if it's just me. We had a massive work picnic yesterday and instead of seeing no one I know there the way I usually do every year, I saw several folks from my old college crowd, including one I didn't even know was working here now. My, how the time flies.
30. Still didn't get up the nerve to talk to them or anything. We're at the point where one tactfully ignores them if you see them in public anyway these days. Bleah. I hate that, but how else do you handle it?
31. Also just heard from one of Dave's friends (a good one)- I guess she moved to Sac? Good for her. I did have to go check her journal just to make sure it was the girl I thought it was, though.
32. I have mini-chocolate chip cookies on my desk.
33. They are for volunteering tonight.
34. You don't know how tempting these dang cookies ARE.
35. So cute and mini and actually came out fully baked and not burned.
36. Mmm, cookies.
37. I don't think I have much attention span today.
38. Mmm, cookies.
39. I have eaten 2 of the batch so far. Only 2.
40. I dunno how long my restraint is gonna last here.
41. My apartment desperately needs cleaning.
42. Fucking kittens have shredded paper all over the place. I am not even kidding about the mess this has caused.
43. You know, I used to think kittens were cute, but after dealing with them for six months, I no longer think so.
44. If I'm ever insane enough to get my own cat, I'm getting an ADULT one. Spayed, naturally.
45. Y'all don't even want to know what they did to the Littermaid.
46. I can't help but wonder if I'm ever going to be non-tired enough to do the major cleaning this joint needs. Instead I'm doing well if I manage to turn on the TV when I get home.
47. Man, my friend Jackie seems to have the worst luck with jobs. Not in getting or losing them, but in having really heinous coworkers. She just started a new job to get away from horrible people, and guess what? More horrible people! I don't know how she does it. Maybe she needs to move out of SF?
48. I went to the yarn store today to get yarn for Dad's present, rather than pay $10 to get yarn shipped and then have to cut a day of work to wait for fucking UPS. Buying big balls of yarn at the yarn store instead cost me around $23. Oh well, at least it's nice yarn in pretty colors.
49. Though it is kind of a bitch to not know how much yarn you need because you have to make up the pattern from scratch. Oh well, when I run out, it's done, I say.
50. Another bonus of going to the yarn store: free ribbon yarn samples! Which I am so adding to my current personal project. Yay ribbon yarn!
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