2020-05-14, 10:24 p.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
My periodontist announced they are opening next week. “We can’t wait to see your beautiful faces!”* I was like, are you fucking KIDDING ME? Messing with someone’s teeth is literally 100% risk, from what I read! And we have no nothing or anything to fight against this happening! And I’m pretty sure that is NOT Phase 2 approved anyway! I suspect they are really broke because suddenly I am getting bills from them and I haven’t been there since December. I haven't ever even received bills from them before, I assumed insurance was covering it. Frankly, I'm afraid to ask, or argue.
* Anyone who mentions "I want to see your beautiful faces!" makes me want to nutpunch them, not that I can these days. Ditto "business as usual."
Now I don’t actually have to go back there until August. I was supposed to have my regular dental appointment in April and so far my dentist has not announced that they are reopening, thank god. But seriously, reopening just seems like a HUGELY BAD IDEA and that everyone will get sick and have to close again within a week and nobody’s listening!
Then I had Zoom lunch with Vera and she said she had to go to the dentist for a crown issue this week and thought they were taking as much precautions as they could at the time. She’s more concerned that she was being sent back to work in her lab again today. They all have to stay on a Discord channel announcing where they are at all times so nobody else will come in. Oy. My office is having a few volunteers go back into the office, but they aren’t opening to the public and those working there will all literally stay in different offices from each other.
I also showed her the hamster cage, which she said she hadn't noticed. Oh well, I guess.
I didn't piss anyone off in the overall staff meeting this morning since I didn't say anything but "here," (though I did cry through it again, and seriously I do not want to see any presentations from other offices as to what they did in the old world any more). I found out there has been no news whatsoever with regards to us being permitted to hire anyone. Huge budget cuts are gonna happen though! So what does it matter? I also got annoyed that some kind of recreational craft meeting was held at 9 a.m. this morning during said meeting and people kept sending me invites to it. Grrrrrrrrrrrr, why could they NOT do that during lunch?!
Managed to get through the afternoon training without losing it, huzzah. Tigress tried to get me to train Coworker Sarah on one of the things, which I was not thrilled about because while I know some aspects of it, both of us are still shaky on the complicated math stuff. Come on, girl. But other than that, it was fairly fun and snarky. There was commentary on wanting chickens, buying "chicken tits" (breasts) and Tigress saying "cooking with Crisco" and I was all, "crystal? Like crystal meth?!"
Though Tigress is still bugging me about BUT THE EMAILS, which I have had no time to do for the last two days and I straight up told her I cannot do any until (a) my email workload (see yesterday re: international clientele) and (b) my big project is done. I have been told by my boss to prioritize those because no one else does them. Unfortunately she won't stop asking and asking. I really wish she'd stop after I said I can't the first time. At the MOST I get three hours a day that isn't in a Zoom meeting to do my actual job and it is NOT ENOUGH. And now she's going to take all Fridays off, so that makes it even worse, of course. Sigh.
Tigress has also decided that she won't have a retirement party "until we can all do it in person." I restrained myself from saying that I don't think we'll be able to do anything in person again for years, if ever, and will anyone even remember to do a party at that point? Zoom party is better than no party, in my opinion, but I think Tigress is concerned because someone brought up the idea of having a drive-by parade by her house and she was rightly all, "I don't want a bunch of people driving by my house!" I wouldn't be into that one either. She asked me if anyone was planning something behind her back and I said that all I've been asked about was how to do a memory book on Shutterfly and a few vague party suggestions that obviously we're not doing now.
I am still listening to That Hippie Conference. I really liked the talk on asking people for help and why we have issues with it (I do! Same ones mentioned!), and I'm listening to one on resistance, so that's good too. But they are also offering one on "Using Travel to Find The Purpose You're Seeking" and I thought, "No offense to the speaker because obviously this was recorded months ago, but it is utterly fucking tonedeaf to post that one right now. Like I would fucking cry if I listened to it, and I once sat through some class on Transformative Travel (and then still never went anywhere)."
Tonight I watched some of the USA Today Storytellers Project show--though I started watching it late and it was about cooking, so not my favorite subject matter--and then I tried out watching The Sloth Storytelling Show tonight. The theme is Secrets, and right now as I type I'm listening to stories about substituting dog pee for your own in a drug test and the story of how a girl's sister "somehow didn't know she was pregnant" until she starts giving birth on the toilet, after having done tons of drugs, drinking, and roller coasters. The baby was fine. "Moral of the story: take a pregnancy test here and there!"
I also had my therapy appointment tonight, as we moved it this week. I am happy that my therapist is going to see her husband next week, as he flies in for a one week visit, but terrified at the whole idea of flying. He is not going to move there though, as "someone has to stay in the house so that nobody breaks into it." Sigh. Also, her mother might have a kidney stone. Anyway, after recounting my week, I spent the session trying to figure out why I freak out so damn hard when my brain is yelling NOOOOOOOOOO about a thing. She suggested that I should recognize that voice and ask it what it needs, and I said that voice is just trying to protect me from getting in trouble (yet again) and what helps it is me shutting up, so that's kind of hard. I would like to get over my issues of being afraid to bother people, but as the aforementioned talk about asking for help points out, it's because of fear of rejection.
I am drinking more blackberry liquor tonight, very watered down. It's still pretty drunk stuff, but I only ate chips for dinner, so I guess that's on me.