Chaos Attraction

Leaving LA

2013-05-15, 9:11 a.m.

Leaving LA went surprisingly smoothly. My flight left at 12:55 p.m. and what with the OMGTRAFFIC stuff, I booked the shuttle to come at 10 a.m. They told me to expect it between 10:05 and 10:20 due to traffic...and yet it showed up at 10:01. Awesome! I got to the airport by 10:21, then the Southwest line was....long....I don't think I've waited in an airport line so long since I flew out with a giant pack of relatives from SF to Hawaii. And yet, I got out of that line in 20 minutes and got through security by 11:05, despite being Personally Searched, both my person and my luggage because I apparently put too many charger cords into one pocket of my backpack. But they were nice about it. For all the dramaz about airport security these days, I have yet to have a problem really with anyone acting like an asshole. Then again, I rarely fly and am a cute wittle innocent-looking white girl, so what do I know, right?

Anyhoo, that gave me plenty of time to browse the airport shopping.

Which reminds me: I am not a person who believes in celebrity sightings. I tend to have Thought-I-Saw-Itis, in which I think I saw someone familiar but am not 100% sure that was the person, especially if I see them somewhere out of context/where I don't normally see them. I will seriously just stare at folks for 45 minutes in a cafe debating if they are someone I know or not, and since I'm about 50/50 on correctness there, who the shit knows, but it's kinda awkward to ask. And when my relatives have claimed to have seen Karl Malden at the Santa Barbara mall (does he seem like a mall guy to you?!) or Rob Lowe in Hawaii, I tend to blow it off. I say this just to mention that I saw someone that looked suspiciously like Maeby Funke (ARRESTED SHOUTOUT EXCUSE) in the Southwest terminal when I arrived, but forgot to mention it in the entry a few days ago. But I wouldn't trust me to have gotten this right...even though I suppose it is slightly more likely she'd be in an airport these days, especially the LAX one. But Southwest? I dunno there.

Back to the airport shopping remarks...I found myself buying cheesy LA souvenirs to remember the trip--Hollywood star with my name on it keychain, a key with LA and a heart on it keychain, postcards, magnets, pins.... which was kind of excessive. I realized that I was buying these things from an old mindset--I've been collecting LA shit for years for inspiration, i.e. pics and the like. I have collages around the house, I had collage walls until I ripped them all down a few months ago. And then I was all, what am I doing here? I'm still acting like this exists!

....Erm, you know...I still kinda want to move there anyway. Hanging out there for a few days really wasn't as bad and awful as I was expecting it to be, and finding any area of a city that doesn't give me the wiggins to walk around is notable to me. Of course, I don't know how to do that, still. Still don't have a goal and a plan as to what to do there. And I've signed a lease trapping me here until August 2014 (plus I signed up for another CC gallery show in 2014 since I'll still obviously be here). So odds are, probably not and this is more bullcrap out of me again. Just so you know.

I came back, I went out with L to a BBQ restaurant in between our plane flights. I haven't had the time to mention this, but L is moving at the latest by the end of the summer. She's at the point in her career where she has to get a second postdoc before her money for this one runs out, and she's definitely gotten at least one job offer for Chicago. She's working on a second one for Maryland, which would be a lot closer to her family--and had literally done the Skype interview for it RIGHT BEFORE SHE LEFT TO GET ME. Like, damn. By the time she gets back from her huge trip, she'll have had to pick one or the other if she gets both options. Either way, though...sigh. I am happy for her that she gets to be employed, and I've known this was temporary from the getgo. But it still sucks. Monica is leaving at the same time too, so that's half of the people I hang out with regularly gone soon. And the other two are usually "too busy" to hang out with me much any more. I've barely had time to have conversations with them when I've run into them accidentally of late.

I really fucking need to move away, don't I? Join the rush out the door and all.

I drove back to Sac for an emergency session with my shrink (pre-arrannged before I left). She was apparently very ill but sucked it up today, so good for her. I wish I could remember better what was said....but I think the points made were:

(a) Hey, at least you WENT, that's something. Two months ago you probably wouldn't have done this alone, and you did! That was great! Yes, it was!
(b) I suspect at this point you had that vision to get you down there, and then the last bit of it...was probably the universe laughing at you. (And yes, I did draw that card online before the trip.) Eh, what else can you say there, I guess.
(c) She kept getting on me for trying to make it happen exactly as it had in the vision, but I still disagree with that. I compare it to being told, "Here, you're in this play, this is your costume, this is your cue to go on." But clearly, it hasn't worked, so...she wins this argument, I guess.
(d) That is amazing that your mom is actually acting sane about this, go figure.

And now I am back here. Usually when I get back from a vacation, it will IMMEDIATELY feel like I never left. Same old grind immediately happens again and it doesn't feel like I've been gone except for having to do paperwork catchup. But this time...I feel weird. And kind of wishing I could go back, though knowing me, uh....probably not. I was reading this long-ass list of interesting people in LA yesterday and thinking, "Man, I want THAT." But how to get it?

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