Chaos Attraction

Relax, Nothing Is Under Control

2019-05-16, 10:31 p.m.

Quote from my officemate Maria: “Why can’t life be normal right now?”

Today started out with the following news:

(a) My coworker who said she’d be back from leave on the 20th as of last week now texted this morning to say she won’t be back until mid-June, and the other one is officially “on leave” until December but probably won’t return ever unless a miracle occurs, and I mean that literally.

They will be forced to hire at least one temp or contract person, which they made it sound like they don’t have the money for since they have to pay for them to both be on medical leave.

We are hella hella screwed if one of them isn’t coming back for at least another three weeks (and yeah, probably even longer than that at the rate they are going).

(b) BUT: for once my group is not the absolute most disastrous in the office, because right now the award goes to...scheduling! I can only assume the giant avalanche of crap and disaster that fell upon them probably has something to do with everyone with expertise in the area now being gone, because I can’t even recount all of the Shit That Went Wrong and has forced managers to work on the weekend even on Mother’s Day. Even BigBoss is, I guess, working on these things herself and said she was taking a day off tomorrow or else she’d keel over. She actually said, “If you need me, I have zero minutes available today....” They asked for some help and I was all, hah, ain’t no way my group can offer you help either because we are in the same sort of situation here. Added bonus is that it sounds like nobody has any clue/idea/training as to what they are supposed to be doing or what is going wrong over there, JEEBUS. Of course, we don’t know either and any plans to get someone to come back are now gone. My boss said she’d have to find out how these things are done...somehow. She didn’t quite say “this is the darkest timeline” (I have no idea if she ever saw Community but I am guessing not) but said something similar.

Meanwhile I had a begging client wanting to know who she could talk to or if there was ANYTHING that could be done to get her thing done, and I had to do a shitty little polite e-mail dance that did NOT say the truth of, “Sorry, all the people who know how to do that are gone on medical leave and fuck if we know when they are coming back and they did not tell us how to do a lot of it before they keeled over, but I can’t openly say that we cannot help you because nobody else knows how to do this and we can’t seem to find out and fuck if I know, sorry, guess you’re abandoned and screwed like the rest of us! Nobody can help you or us here!” Also, “Well, you can send another e-mail begging for help ASAP if you like, I can’t stop you, but it won’t help you either if literally nobody left knows how or how to even find out how.” When I asked my boss how to handle situations like this, my boss added it into her avalanche of stuff to look at....sometime. Who knows.

After this meeting, another coworker sent us some memes with the following text:
“Relax: nothing is under control”
“Calm down and look at these kittens.”
“Embrace the crazy. It’s not going anywhere.”
“This hamster thinks that is a great idea!” This one is of a hamster somehow giving two thumbs up.

I posted the first three on my bulletin board and when I ran out of space for the hamster pic, I taped it to a box on my desk. People love it.

In other news, my officemate is getting her wisdom teeth out on Friday. Of course another coworker had to come in and be all, “I got an infection and it caused me to lose my appendix when I did that.” OH DEAR GOD PLEASE DO NOT HAVE HER HAVE COMPLICATIONS FROM THIS. Because the way things are going around here, we should expect that of course she ends up out sick for a week or weeks or what.

As for play rehearsal, we are back in our usual rehearsal space (there’s a concert going on in the play space tonight) and thus we did not bother with dress rehearsal either. It felt like a throwback to a lazier time. We did get through the whole show for a third round though, so that’s nice.

After last night, Linda was all “You came back!” and “You guys are the best” and “I’m just so impressed with you all.” She also said “this is not like me to yell like this,” and we were all, we understand, we’re noisy and it’s hard to get through. She recounted a story of trying to direct Grease in a high school that was going terribly, with people flaking out and not showing up at rehearsal, the dress rehearsal went terribly, they didn’t even get through the entire play. And then on the night of, it worked. “It was magic.” (Manny was all, “She hired an arsonist.”) Linda was all, “Where did this talent come from?” and “There’s magic that happens when the audience arrives,” but “I’m afraid of this damn audience.”

Building logistics: we can’t use the “green room” (note: this room is absolutely covered in crazy autographs and drawings, I took pics but wish I’d examined it in greater detail) because the caterers need to use it, so we will be going downstairs and using a quilting room classroom courtesy of Yarn Empire Scott’s mom (helps to have connections, hee) for dressing and the like.

After last night, both Jean and Mark came up with some cheat sheets with cues--Mark has a shorter one that can be left on tables and looks like the layout of the wedding program (with a “Sponsored by Animal Kingdom” logo on it) and Jean’s is a shorter version of her spreadsheet. So using this with Vinnie. Mark also made a very nice Photoshopped papal blessing prop.

Valentin was throwing popcorn in the air and then opening an umbrella to bounce it all off.
Jean’s friends liked the show. The guy friend was calling it a fun, immersive experience and that it actually felt like being in a wedding reception. (Mark: “We did it!”), they thought the improv was spot on and it was fun to dance, and “Tell Marina I hope Johnny” (note: Marina is supposed to have a wedding date, also named Johnny, who never shows) “doesn’t stand her up again.”
The lady friend said that “we as audience don’t know if there are any glitches” and was otherwise saying that she was a shy person. Mark’s response to this was, “You know where she pinned that $100 bill on me? She’s not THAT shy.”
When Father Mark is describing Tina bringing Tony’s Camaro home on a tow truck, he LOOKS at her and she looks ashamed. When Father Mark describes Tony flaking out on coming home to Tina’s dinner, Tony puts his hands back and smiles as she looks at him back like that.
Everyone laughs at Tina’s line about “kissing in cars.”
Someone was throwing dollar bills at Joey
Tina dances with money on her ass.
Father Mark had a very loud burp.
We got the show done in under 2 hours (though with dinner in it will take longer).
I am now to actually just hold the champagne bottle in lieu of magic wands or flashlights. Well, that makes more sense.
Linda told me I was doing great, so YAAAAAAAAAAY.

Out of character quotes:
Linda on the end of the show: “Tony and Tina are out in the hall.” Mark: “In hopes of the guests leaving.”
“Guys. It’s not real.” -Linda
“Don’t fall asleep. These weddings are always so boring.” -Linda to That70’sScott.
“That kiss was lame. Better kiss.” -Linda doesn’t like how the Dominic/Sister kiss is going.
"Passamaquoddy is the safe word." -Mark

In character quotes:
“She’s pregnant everybody, she’s not fat.” -Barry, then Dom whacked him over the head.
“I did that. I did that with Connie.” -Barry
“That’s not something to be proud of.” -Nunzio
As a cell phone goes off, “Father, did you say no cell phones?” -Tony
“Thank you, this is a paintbrush.” -Barry, using something else in lieu of a microphone
After Barry finishes his best man speech: “You call Vinnie long winded...” -Joey
“Talk to me in about 30, 35 minutes.” -Barry
“That’s your portmanteau name!” -me when everyone finds out that Tony’s name is misspelled on the papal blessing as “Antinio.”
Barry referred to Joey and Tina dancing as “Jaime and Cersei.”
On serving the cake after the cake fight: “They’ve been subpoena’d” and “Come on all you goddamned fucking people and eat some goddamned cake.” -Barry
“I can’t sing? I’m gonna surprise you.” -Vinnie “ (“You surprise us every night,” Steve replied.)
People continue to play with little rubber balls, leading to so many ball jokes, including, "Stop playing with my balls, Joey, it's a wedding." -Barry.

Special kudos needs to go to Marina talking about her missing date, which I will attempt to replicate....
"We've met over two times."
"I send him long meaningful texts and he always responds with 'ok.'"
"We've been together for three weeks."
"I always see him at the grocery store." (Presumably when she is buying groceries from him....)

Then later with Barry....
"I don't trust drinks that come from you." -Marina
"I get that more than you'd think." -Barry.

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