Chaos Attraction

Therapy Day

2021-05-25, 9:45 p.m.

recently on Chaos Attraction
Extreme Heat - 2021-05-30
Mom Visits - 2021-05-29
Catching Up With Melinda - 2021-05-28
Professional Yarn Bombing - 2021-05-27
Shit For Brains - 2021-05-26

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Cast list as of November 2019

I didn't sleep at all last night, was just mentally bouncing off walls while singing "Hot N' Cold" in my head all night. I guess it's nice to know that that's karaoke and not the effect of having a crush on anyone.

Jackie's mom is absolute worst case scenario for dying--cancer in her brain, deterioration death within 14 months. Given how her life is going, that....figures. Sigh.

At work, I ended up having to redo the Big Quarterly Project effing twice (at least not from total scratch this time) because changes had to be made for four effing people. Sigh.

We had a meeting with our boss this morning--she was out for the Monday morning meeting so we filled her in--and at one point Dianna said she was tempted to prank the boss by just mouthing words to make her think she was on mute. "Don't do that, that's ghostlighting!" our boss said. That's hilarious.

Hope was all, "I don't think Grandboss is into the idea of anyone working from home," and boss was all, "Really? From what I've heard from her she's really into it," it was FormerBigBoss who wasn't supportive of anyone working from home, except the scheduling department because they don't ever interact in person with their clientele (lucky buggers--oh, right, that's why I wanted to work there except they didn't want me). I was all, "Given that Grandboss has been visiting her grandchildren for 90% of the pandemic, I think she's only been home for about a week at a time to clear out the raccoons from under the trailer*, I figure she's into working from home for HERSELF....just not for US."

I cannot and do not make up shit like this. That is also hilarious.
After work, I went over to Dawn's house to pick up all the yarn bombing and then hang out with her for a few hours. This involved her telling me stuff about her old job and me well, reciting everything about Eurovision and the Fire Saga movie and at one point bursting out into most of the lyrics to "Green Acres" with proper Zsa Zsa accent. (I restrained myself before starting in on "The chores! The stores!") I also gave her the corgi book and a few hours later her neighbor pulled up with a corgi in the car, so the neighbor was shown the book. Neighbor was excited because she said she's in a Sacramento corgi group and they pass that kind of thing around.

Therapy was interesting today. She wanted to go back to Inner Child again and I totally denied that because more interesting things came up, i.e. karaoke.

It's interesting how just me being me helped Patty (uh, somehow?). It's a shame the rest of life doesn't work like that, I said. My shrink disagreed, and then I rephrased, "I meant WORK."
I get in trouble at work because they can hear the edge in my voice--she can get away with it better than me because she's a New Yorker with accent.
Re: the graffiti: "Maybe it's someone from Scotland." Wouldn't argue with that if it happened. "Don't be so literal when it comes to visions and interpretations. We are making things up."
"We don't know what he's capable of. You keep putting it on yourself."
She told me about dealing with a suicidal client who was texting her sad things and then disappeared for several hours and she was freaking out. "I had to keep asking over and over and over and over again." Sometimes people don't realize what you're asking about, and she was trying to help him faster than he could respond at that time. He wasn't up to doing anything.
"If we don't ask and we don't put ourselves out there--and the stories are usually wrong."
She got on me for not calling her out when she's late, which she probably is about 40% of the time--has to go to the bathroom, gets interrupted, whatever. To which I was all "you usually kinda do that, I'm used to it, and I'm too lazy to call or text unless it's been 10 minutes." She said I'm too passive and need to be more proactive, and "I want you to practice bugging me."
"Sometimes it's ok to have some expectations of people. I want you to ask for what is yours." She told me a story about it taking months for her to get someone to pay her back, which finally ended in an "I'm Very Disappointed In You" email and the money coming in.
"People's feelings change. He doesn't know how you feel." (Not that I want him to know that, really. Not any of it.)
I said I don't want to have ANY feelings for him and she said that means I don't want to have him around. Well, maybe I don't. How the hell am I supposed to get over him while still caring about him? It's why I'm not friends with exes, I had to stop caring and attempting to be friends with one led to him cutting me off because uh....yeah, didn't work. I was a crazy person.
She said I want him to do work he doesn't want to do--true enough.
I said I'm not going to put any extra into him any more and she said there's a difference between that and being openly butthurt and he won't know why. Yeah, well, I literally can't tell him even if I wanted to, which overall I don't think I want to.
She thinks he's most likely someone who is very deep inside but has no idea how to connect with others and is confused. I would agree with that.
She told me about a guy she used to be friends with that she had a crush on but he wasn't interested, so she quit the friendship and wishes she hadn't done that. As for the last guy she had a crush on, she's over it and said that she fell for an energy ("sunshine") and he put her in touch with how to access it, so now she's fine.
What did he embody to me? Well, acting and singing, but I can do those myself now. I think to me it was hope. And that he surprise secretly seemed to get me on some level, and I thought we had this private understanding with each other as to what we were to each other. It felt magical and I hadn't had that with any of my exes. It felt like we had a future at some point and we both knew that. I don't know how to get that on my own, though!


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