2020-05-28, 9:56 p.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
I decided to go to bed late last night so I wouldn't dream. Excellent decision. I swear I felt less tired short-sleeping than getting over 8 hours and dreaming.
Tigress said that she's waiting on approval from (I don't know WHO) to take her mother out of a "facility" and take her to a family reunion! Likewise, Coworker Sarah is heading to Capitola with the whole family for a weekend of beach and margaritas!
I went to a supposed job seminar at my org during lunch instead of Yarn Club today. Probably should have just gone to Yarn Club because they literally said NOTHING I hadn't heard before, except for one person asking about the hiring freeze. To which the presenter said that there are nearly 200 jobs open and the org is always going to have to have staff and hire people. I passed this info on to Coworker Sarah, but honestly, I dunno there?
Other than that, I was not super fried by the end of work because Tigress ended training after an hour to go to the dentist (!) and that left me and Coworker Sarah to just noodle through the emails and occasionally call up other coworkers to ask them weird shit. This was more relaxing, at least.
From my email:
I saw some post on Slack about how the giant org I work for wants to start opening up again starting with the restaurants and stores and then later, offices. I am horrified. Seriously, I don't think I will go back into the office unless they say I'm going to get fired if I do not physically go back in there. (Maaaaaaaaaaybe I'd consider it if they let me have my own office again, but yeah, right. Would still have to deal with public bathrooms and you do not want to see the horrible articles about how completely unsafe those are. DO NOT TRAVEL FAR ENOUGH AWAY TO NEED A BATHROOM, PEOPLE.)
I turned on The Storyteller's Project and this poor guy was telling a story on his birthday about his brother's accidental death while adventuring. Oh dear god.
I'm sick of eating. I no longer really want what food I have left in the house. I hate the feeling of "I'm hungry!" (why? it's not like you did anything all goddamned day besides sit around watching Zoom) vs "I really don't want to eat ANY of this." I'm so tired of cooking food and eating food. I'm so tired of eating a dinner and being so hungry I want more dinner, but the more I eat, the more I'm going to have to leave the house, and nothing sounds good to eat or tastes good to eat anyway. I think I am a few days away psyche-wise from raiding the freezer for The Good Stuff, which I have been trying to postpone eating for special occasions or when I am just utterly sick of eating soup or whatever.
I enjoyed this whiny posting from John Scalzi the other day, and the posts on the Gene Weingarten chat. I wonder if anyone is doing a study on how living alone in a pandemic may trigger agoraphobia because you don't have to leave home or deal with other people making you unsafe. I saw a post from a fellow blogger saying that his mother snapped and went to a birthday party yesterday and how his sister is losing her mind. All I could say was well, look at my coworkers constantly not bothering with any precautions and two months in, they are all still fine and dandy somehow. Maybe it's luck of the draw, I don't know.
I read a story about how a woman survived the Holocaust. This turned out to be a good idea because by comparison, I am being a whiny bitchy brat about not wanting to eat food in the house and it could always be worse, like I could be missing toes from frostbite. Sometimes you just need to bitch slap yourself to remind yourself to shut the fuck up., you are a privileged spoiled brat who still has a job and isn't sick.
Rehearsal tonight was a little off: Beth canceled on it (she has not been feeling well the last few days), then Mike canceled, so that left me and Mel. That was a little awkward. Beth said to me when we were chatting alone before everyone else showed up on day one that she thought Mel and I should hang out, but hoo boy, did I get the feeling of "nope, she is not into this idea" from the getgo. I'd be wiling to give it a shot, but I really didn't think she would be into the idea. Sure 'nuff, I was pretty right on that one. I think she's feeling as generally blech as everyone else is right now anyway, plus just not a chatty person in general. Plus well, occasionally I fall flat with a person and she is probably one of these people. Eh, it happens and as long as we act well together, whatever, this is only for about three weeks and odds are we never run into each other IRL (she's in San Jose, but at this point I'm just as likely to run into the rest of the cast in West Virginia as I am to be traveling to San Jose ever again...sigh) anyway.
I found out that she's a teacher, she doesn't want to discuss ideas for the play without everyone else there (I concur), we both thought the idea of having to physically get up and leave at the end of scene 1 is kinda awkward for this situation, and she hasn't been paying attention to stage directions on Zoom performances. That's about as in depth as we got, and she suggested we bow out early and I said well, we should rehearse so we can SAY we rehearsed, so we did. That was about a half hour and there you go. Ah well.
I hate when you want to hear from a certain person and instead all you hear from are other people. You feel like such a jerk about it, but you got your hopes up for one and instead you got another. Mom is doing twice daily check ons on me now and I can't say I'm doing better at all. I am really not okay, but there is nothing anyone can do about that. Her perennial positivity is always exhausting, but she did say at the end of her last text that "We are going for our walk that neither of us want to do," which is saying something for her.
Tonight's viewing: Love's Labour's Lost. I saw it years ago and it was a lot more fun then, somehow. This production seems really pretentious and fake-y to me (though I admit that snobby intellectualism is a big part of the plot) and I am just not feeling it. Got bored after an hour and switched to The Winter's Tale. Which I was also supremely bored with and gave up on after a half hour. Like, when does the plot start already.... Then I switched to Jane Eyre. Jane Eyre is always better.
They did the fortune teller scene in this one (left out of the last version of the play I watched, wah) and I was dearly hoping that Rochester would have dolled himself up as a lady. Alas, he’s just hiding under a blanket. I suppose that’s more appropriate for a quick change show, but I can think of other folks who would have made SUCH HAY out of that special moment, particularly that guy with all the props at Acme. But I LOVE how fucking CHEEKY Rochester is once he pitches off the blanket. He’s so PROUD of himself! What a goofball!
Seriously, Jane Eyre is one of the very few classic books I actually like (along with the Austen I’ve read). Sure, the Lowood stuff is depressing and I can’t stand St. John (and skip those sections on a reread) and Rochester is a very, very, very weird dude who’s making strange life choices and I hate big age differences and power differentials and it’s a terrible idea to fall in love at work, but I root for him anyway in a strange way and he and Jane are strangely compatible together. And Jane is, of course, a emotional badass who is never not awesome.
Random moment: Rochester is talking about how his wife went mad, and the YouTube chat is apparently very confused because they all think he killed his wife. “yall don’t know the story of jane eyre and it shows,” someone else says. Meanwhile, another numbnuts is all, “I want a taco,” and posts a bunch of taco emojis.
Like I said, I hate St. John, but the actor in this one actually made him palatable, at least until he started saying super turdy things that you can’t ignore. (And is fairly cute.)