Chaos Attraction

Bear, Cat, Sunshine, Singing

2019-06-07, 9:59 p.m.

We had a fucking BEAR roaming around today. Seriously, there was an actual damn bear in the vicinity. And later, the college decided to fat-shame a cat named Cheeto by telling the Internet not to feed him.

Life is weird, yo. I laughed hard all day and night.

I had a super fun conversation with my shrink today, probably the most upbeat one we’ve ever done. I did talk to her about her crush again--she is ordering a lot of the dude’s product and he writes back, but only about the product. “To be fair, I’m married.” She said “he’s my sunshine” and her husband refers to him as “the traveling salesman my wife fell in love with on a plane.” Nice to know he’s got a sense of humor about it. I do enjoy hearing her relationship talk when that happens. I asked how it went from being single for a long time to dating her husband and how that went--weird, she said, she wanted to move faster and it was about 9 months till they started dating. She said when she sat next to him she felt like he should be putting his arm around her, so she moved to be across from him, which he noticed and felt bad about (“do I smell?”). It’s all so cute.

On a related random: I read Gene Weingarten’s Washington Post chats and apparently he got divorced and is now living with someone else at work that he’s always been a huge fan of in said chats...she’s 35 and he’s 67. Like some folks in the comments, I noticed that this is someone he’s raved about for years and would say that he was into women his age....Sigh. He said he’d been separated for a while and then divorced for a year, but you wonder. And the age difference creeps me out.

As for karaoke, I finally set up an official group text for that and got five to show up in the end, so that’s a huzzah. Robert, Scott, Manny, Heidi (still showing up and doing calculus all night!) came along. We were disappointed that Pyrate Matthew wasn’t there--Scott had seen him in the store earlier that day, but he went to the hospital again. There was a substitute named Brian who operated a bit differently and it was throwing us all off.

I should probably explain how the Pyrate does karaoke: he has you download an app called “Soundbooks Online,” make an account, look up the songs and then send your request in, and there’s a rotating queue of people that you can see and it messages you when you are up next. Brian was all “just tell me what song you want” and hell if I know what was going on in the rotation since our bunch kind of had a hard time getting into rotation or knowing when we were going.

I think it was kind of annoying Scott in particular (when the heck do I go on....?), but he did end up doing 4-5 numbers ,so he got in later. He was rocking it tonight, he can really belt numbers. The rest of us were not quite as persistent about getting on, under the circumstances.

I ended up doing two group numbers: “Build Me Up Buttercup” and “Play That Funky Music, White Boy.”

I also discovered some real terrible songs some folks did, like “Just a Gigolo,” that song about how God is good, beer is great and people are crazy, and “You Never Even Called Me By My Name,” which is fucking amazing towards the end. Just look at that link.

”And he told me it was the perfect country & western song
I wrote him back a letter and I told him it was
Not the perfect country & western song because he hadn't said anything at all about mama
Or trains
Or trucks
Or prison
Or getting' drunk
Well he sat down and wrote another verse to the song
And he sent it to me
And after reading it
I realized that my friend had written the perfect
Country & western song
And I felt obliged to include it on this album
The last verse goes like this here:
[Verse 4]
Well, I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison
And I went to pick her up in the rain
But before I could get to the station in my pickup truck
She got run over by a damned old train

Oh, the lulz. I laughed my head off a lot tonight. And I think I need to do “Something To Talk About” because I could do it a lot better than that lady did.

In other news, my car still shorted out on the way there and back, but at least with empty country roads it wasn’t a big deal to have to stop and restart. It’s going to the shop tomorrow.

Oh, and Jim from two weeks ago is doing much better, thank you. Much more cheerful and left early, saying he was going on a date with a hot blonde with vision problems. That’s a relief.

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