Chaos Attraction

When Harry Met Sally Plus Ice Age

2020-06-10, 9:41 p.m.

Last night I dreamed I was hanging around the craft store with Scott's mother. Though my brain made up its own idea of what the place looked like and didn't actually look like the photos I've seen online. No psychic dreams here :P Also had a dream in which Jackie randomly cut off some of my hair out of nowhere and then I did the same to her. Once again, dreams are stupid.

I have actually gotten 8 hours of sleep (or so) for the last three nights, which means stupid dreams are more likely to kick in. However, my body doesn't like to actually get a lot of sleep and rest (it refused to sleep in all weekend, for example, whyyyyyyy), so I assume I'll go back to being an insane night owl tonight since that appears to be the pattern in my sleep app.

I have had a headache all day just from waking up. Whee. It went away after work....of course. Work was medium-high-ish stress, I had a headache all day but nothing SUPER bad happened, so there's that, even if I had another six hours of training-I-mean-emails going on. My boss got roped into the Zoom at one point to deal with weird problems and at the end of it she held up a troll doll and said, "This is how I'm feeling right now." I felt like going out and getting my own troll doll in response, but did not.

Life in quarantine, y'all: I just heard my neighbor's dog, Maisie, barking up a storm, followed by one of her moms going "good girl, good girl!" over and over again when she got quiet. I walked up to my door because it sounded like they were coming down the hall. While I couldn't see her, she did sniff by my door. "Hi Maisie! I miss you too!" *sigh* What a world we live in where I can't even come out and pet a cute dog any more. But there you go.

Dropping Bombs rehearsal was quick tonight but went well, even if I wasn't set up for "dress rehearsal" (I started RIGHT after I got off work and it takes some time to set up the laptop in the bedroom so I can use the green screen), didn't have Kleenex and wine at the ready, what have you.

After that I had storytelling class again. Lotta good lines tonight from my classmates! I also found out that Capital Storytelling is going to host another event (their first virtual--Lisa was happy I took a workshop on storytelling tips and sent it out to the list) next month and they have two slots open if I want to pitch by Monday. I might? The theme is "Things Left Unsaid," if I think of something along those lines.

Story #1: this guy got stuck in an elevator with his grandma for hours, which he names as one of his top fears. His grandma starts getting claustrophobic and taking off her clothes, which makes our narrator think that he's going to have to be the adult in this situation. His first idea is... "My first idea was to use my grandma as a battering ram, then I realized that wasn't smart because I couldn't pick her up." He thinks that if they bang on the door, people will think they're having sex, and he has no idea on the elevator "press for help" button, so he gives up. Meanwhile, his grandma pulls a joint out of her purse to calm her nerves--I got it from your dad! He finished by saying that now he's afraid of elevators and "next time I'm having my cousin visit me instead."

He said in the story that he was eleven years old, but then said later he was really seven at the time. This led to debates as to whether or not he should use his actual age (makes more sense that he couldn't figure out how to deal with the elevator) vs fudging his age so he could make jokes like the sex one, which seems unlikely that a 7-year-old would think of. He's a stand-up comedian guy, which might be why he thinks along these lines....

Story #2 was a long story about figuring out she had OCD that I had kind of a hard time following at first, though she did have a lot of good lines in it:
"Is Ron Howard dead?" "Maybe his hair is."
"I learned you can get away with anything under the guise of patriotism."
"I thought that I could make the earth shake."
"I had a conversation with the earthquake deities."
"Who keeps evil at bay with a fucking acronym?"
The story eventually gets to her doing "Exposure Scavenger Hunt" with other people and a therapist to get over their fears and do things like touching dirty stuff and yelling at cars. There's a line about "it's probably good he didn't show the knives....badass knives...." Anyway, there's good potential for that one if she can get it more focused at the start, I think. Let's face it, "Exposure Scavenger Hunt" GETS YOUR ATTENTION. So, hopefully she does it over again next week.

Story #3 was the first story from last week and hoo boy, she improved it SO MUCH! Last week I felt like my ADD (or whatever) was kicking in and I was missing details, but this week she had it sharp as a tack and I got every detail of it: she was telling a story about picking up a friend at the bus stop before cell phones, but he didn't make it, so she ended up picking up some random tourists and giving them a ride to the beach instead, and they thought San Diego was just like in Anchorman. And then her car died and she went to a friend's house where the door was unlocked to borrow their phone, and as a method of thanking them, she did their dishes...and never left a note about it, which led to the couple fighting for a week about who did the dishes. Oops! Anyway, much better! Her finishing line: "I miss the days of gentle and friendly breaking and entering." She said at the end, "I've never known how to tell the story," and I said "And now you do!"

Story #4 was me, we'll get back to me.

Story #5 was Vita (the one that tells the crazy audacious stories...might as well mention her name, she uses a performing alias anyway for the same reasons Coleman does and I get the feeling that she will be coming up in future story events), who wanted to brainstorm how to do a story about the weird sexual activities of kids since she got inspired by being around her young relatives of late and finding that her father took a photo of her squatting over a sprinkler naked and put it in the family photo album. "My fucking perverted dad putting this in the photo album." She said she was always naked and was humping things and as for her brother, "we had to duct tape his diapers to keep him out of his own genitals." We suggested that she frame this around seeing her young relatives doing sexual things without knowing they are sexual and then flashing back to her own past.

As for me, I had been planning on going over the butterfly story (which I rewrote before class) but after hearing that Lisa has an event coming up, decided to do "Is This Love" for this group and see if it was well done enough to use as a pitch for the next event. It went over well and people really liked it and my classmate Jan said she's one of those people and used to find pieces of paper with words on them back in the day. The suggestions I got were to have the universe as more of a character/me talking to the universe more (?)*, use the specific details and maybe have about four signs that I talk about happening. I mentioned after the fact that sometimes I have signs just like, form out of accidental food drippings and crap like that (of late) and Lisa loved that. There was a possible suggestion that now that there's a pandemic, I just have to wait....which is legit. Must ponder this later.

* though frankly, the universe hasn't been talking back to me in my car lately. I'm thinking it just can't do anything for me any more under the circumstances.

Tonight's Pick-A-Card: "Coming Soon To Your Love Life." I picked the romantic comedy and she came out with cards about major realizations and making a choice and getting an answer about something you have been doubtful of...followed by the movies "When Harry Met Sally" and "Ice Age." Both of those sum this up in a nutshell, "Whatever this is, it's been a long time coming." Long periods of nothing followed by something, right? Oracle cards were "Embrace Love" and "Give Your Relationship A Chance" and "Illumination." "I think you're ready for long-term...or you're willing to give someone a chance." "Bottled-up feelings" in there. The letters in this could spell out "See" or "Sex," which she did not spell out, har. The word "play" came up....that does seem to come up a lot with stuff for me? "Someone wants to text you a lot, they want to send you a big long text about how they feel."

I've mentioned before that my YouTube algorithms are all fucked up with weird hippie shit showing up. Well, I watched some video tonight in which the girl specifically said, “I spent too much time watching Pick-A-Card videos.” Obviously I do this, so then in the video she offered some free seminar to help all of your romantic problems! I clicked on this out of sheer idleness and discovered that it started in....four minutes. OH WHAT THE HELL.

I think I'll tactfully NOT say who this was or link to their site because man, I do not like her. She sounds pretentious AF, she obviously thinks she’s the shit and seems quite full of herself (and her online username....same), she makes duckface. This was not someone I enjoyed watching an hour-ish of video of, as it turned out.

But seriously, I really do not like ANYONE who lectures me to STAY PRESENT, DO NOT WATCH YOUTUBE, PAY ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING I SAY AND DO NOT TURN IT OFF MY BEST STUFF IS COMING TAKE NOTES. Good god. This isn't a real life class and you can't make me.

Anyway, she kept hyping on that you have to watch the whole thing and stay till the end, please please please finish out the whole hour and a half and I'll offer free goodies, which made me think, "I bet you get shut off a lot?" This reminded me of a time I was watching a tarot seminar and halfway through she went into plugging her program, which I wasn't really into in the first place because I don't want to be a professional tarot reader. I clicked off, and then proceeded to get a bunch of automated emails complaining that I'd clicked off halfway through, maybe I should finish it, here's a replay, I do understand if you can't afford this program right now given the pandemic... at which point I was all, "I AM SO CREEPED OUT THAT YOU KEPT TRACK OF THIS I WANT OFF ALL THE MAILING LISTS FOREVER." And indeed, yes, this is what happened again tonight, I made damn sure to unsubscribe and mark her as spam afterwards.

Anyway: after a bunch of hippie blather (seriously, I am so uninterested in leadership, being a lightworker, ascending, what the fuck ever...whatever happened to just getting laid?), she talks about the same issues I have: stupid twin flame shit happens, dude stops talking to you, and then she watched a bunch of Pick-A-Card readings online all the time and got depressed. Okay, fine, that's about why I decided to watch this thing in the first place. Then she had a whopping weird spiritual experience that got her out of that funk. She starts with the self-love, and then in 42 days, her twin flame comes back after 2 years of silence. Okay, fine, that’s the first 45 minutes or whatever, and then she goes into her program...which I’ll give her credit for spelling out in great detail, but frankly it was quite a lot and too much for me, both figuratively and financially.

When someone tells me their hippie program is worth $12k, I start smelling something fishy. And when she started saying, “I would have sold a kidney to get with my Twin Flame!” I was all, NOPE. Muahahahahah, I turned her off early :)

Someday I am going to do a giant rant on twin flame bullshit. I suspect a possible aspect of it will be all of these people and their various bizarre “solutions” to the problem, except reading all that shit gets on my nerves.

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