Chaos Attraction

How To Improve The Plot of As You Like It

2019-06-12, 5:15 a.m.

Again, I didn’t sleep at all last night. It’s very frustrating to have to go to bed and be tired when you wanna dance all night and bounce off walls, which I have still mostly wanted to do all day too except I had to go to work and it’s getting more and more boiling outside.

Lioness called in sick again today, I swear she’s out half the week every week now. I seriously wonder how long she is going to last at this point before going on stress leave or quitting or what, which is sad when you’ve made it here so long. Anyway, after whatever went down yesterday with her, my boss called me in to see if “there was anything I can do” and some vague mentions about people having to settle into that office now. To which I was all “eh, she’ll mellow out” and “so next week I have like three huge things going on at once...” but this was really going towards the office thing. When asked directly I said it would be nice to have one but I know it’s not going to happen. That settled that, at least. I refuse to get into arguments with anybody about anything, especially when it’s pointless. Also, I already spent years fruitlessly asking about changing office space when I had worse problems and got nowhere unless someone else wanted it, so.

Hamster Girl reported that her daughter, age 4, is now scared of the police when she sees them, has dreams about being arrested, and calls them the “po-po.” Apparently this came from seeing grandpa doing “something” and being told to stop doing it or he’d get arrested.

Our current temp guy used the phrase “single like a Pringle” today, which cracked me the shit up. The girl he said that to was not as thrilled--apparently she is not so into being single AND they were debating about how she doesn’t have to have as high of standards for dating as he does because he has a kid. I said “DIFFERENT standards” and “hopefully you date someone who likes your kid, that’s the important thing.”

We finally heard that one of the two coworkers on leave (the one who CAN come back) is actually coming back tomorrow. WHEW.

Other than that, I have nothing to do, nowhere to go and it’s 100 and whatever today so it’s time to stay in and catch up on the CW and do stupid Buzzfeed quizzes (look, this one mentions “single pringle!”), so here’s something else I wrote before play rehearsals start:

How To Improve The Plot of As You Like It:

(a) Why would you decide that one of you needs to dress up like a guy for safety and then decide to bring along another dude and then continue the ruse? This makes no sense. Answer: make Touchstone a girl.

(b) Cut Audrey, William and Oliver Martext because most of those are one-scene wonders and that entire plot is off on a different plot island somewhere.

(c) Fix Touchstone up with Jaques because the clown and the mopey dude would be comedy gold.

(d) With the extra time you got from cutting some scenes, use that time to develop Oliver and Duke Frederick’s conversions into non-assholes. Have Oliver and Duke Frederick be hunting people together in the woods and be attacked by a BEAR, have Orlando and Duke Senior (who have become friends) also be wandering through the woods and save their asses from the bear. Voila, motivation for Oliver to decide his brother’s all right and for Duke Frederick to be all, “I was an asshole, here’s your land back.”

(f) I’d love it if we clarified what the fuck is going on with Orlando’s reaction to the whole Ganymede thing. Is Orlando bi? Does he just not care? Does he figure out that Ganymede is Rosalind and is too polite to say anything? Let’s go with that last one in particular because then it makes that plotline make more sense.

(g) Maybe clarify what the fuck the logic is behind “Ganymede” talking Orlando into wooing “him.” The best I’ve got for that logic is that Orlando is dying to talk about Rosalind and hey, this random “guy” is totally willing to indulge him in that. Also if Orlando figures out what’s going on, he’d be more willing to go along.

(h) I don’t know if I’d change the timeline of this show or not, but if we do, “marrying a woman” no longer rules out Rosalind/”Ganymede” for Phoebe, so that’s no excuse. I’m reasonably assuming Phoebe is gay in this plot anyway and thus why she might object to marrying Silvius. That’s also...kinda bad anyway. I’m not sure how to fix a “let’s get you married off to someone you don’t like” plot unless suddenly Silvius is a millionaire and Phoebe needs the cash.

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