I was going to write a fluffy, floofy entry today. About shoes or something. Something 180 degrees from the previous misery.

Remember how I was getting bored? Wondering why any lightning hadn't struck yet? Yeah, I'm an asshole. Well, I guess I brought it on, except this time the lightning hit other people.

Mom e-mailed me at work to tell me to call her immediately when I got home- something about my cousin Janelle's husband Ron. Refused to tell me why, because she thought I might cry at work.

Turns out he died. Just dropped dead of a heart attack while playing golf. Without life insurance, had just started a new job, and he was the one that took care of all of the finances. (Doesn't it always have to be like that, somehow?) Naturally Janelle has no idea how the hell she's going to manage- doesn't even know where the paperwork is, can't pay the house payment on her salary alone.

It just sucks. She had a miserable crappy life with nothing but shit for decades, finally meets the right guy and is one of the few people I know of with a happy marriage- and then-

It's another one of those things to add to the list of reasons to think God is an asshole.

I said this to Mom and she said, "Don't say that, what if he does something to you?" I was all, "What's he gonna do? Hit me with lightning?" I don't think he gives much of a shit anyway. Hits the big ol' "Randomizer" button, the wheel o' doom spins, and guess what, you're fucked.

I'm just mad at fate. Mad that Janelle got fucked over again when she didn't deserve it, mad that Ron well, ditto. She already had a pretty fragile balance going as is- god only knows what'll happen to her now. I guess she doesn't really have any friends living up there, just her cats, so that doesn't bode well.

We tried to look on the bright side- "At least he didn't suffer. At least Janelle didn't see it or have to find the body. At least he didn't have a long painful agonizing death that lasted years." But other than that last one, not much to be bright about.

Plus I had to listen to Dad sobbing through the phone call.

I'm just so mad.

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