Chaos Attraction

The Do-Nothing Girl

2004-07-01, 9:56 p.m.

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Two things I don't seem to be able to do:

(a) Making a schedule and sitting down to write at the same time every single day.

(b) Making a budget where I allow myself a certain amount of money to spend that week and I can't go over it.

Honestly, I don't get how the whole personal scheduling thing goes. I can jump around and keep track of things scheduled for me, but making myself fit into rigid boxes I made for myself is something I just can't do. "Nobody's making me do this except me, and I don't feel like doing it at right this second. Screw it!" About the only time I force myself to write when I don't have a deadline or a friend to do it with is when I'm on a train. And that's it. This needs to be fixed somehow.

I need to freaking curb my spending too. I need to not go crazy on the fun spending that isn't bills/food/class materials. I need to go back to saving (I think I will call my bank and put myself on a $25/week automatic deposit instead of a $25/month deposit and then counting on myself to choose to deposit more when I want to). Problem being is that if I set a weekly budget, it doesn't really work. If, say, I go out of town for a weekend, chances are I will find stuff that I can't get anywhere else or come back for later, so I have to buy it now. I could go without shopping for a week and then go to a craft fair and blow the weekly budget money for an entire month, you know? I don't know how to solve that. And then there's the "well, they're having a big sale right now" issue. About the only way I can curb it sometimes is just to lock myself in the house and not go anywhere. But that's no fun and kind of depressing.

Another question is, how much CAN one put on a "fun spending" budget. $25? That's too low- that pays for one item a week (probably a book), pretty much, unless you're buying a lot of piddly crap. I've tried $25 and hated it. $50? Depending on what I'm getting, that may also be too low. Just say the limit is $100 a week? (This may be what I do now unregulated for all I know) You never freaking know how much you might need, though. I went to go buy knitting supplies on Sunday and they cost SEVENTY FREAKING DOLLARS. What did I buy? Two packs of needles so I won't have to go out and buy separately every time I start a new project (each pack was about $15), and six balls of yarn to make 2 projects. Hell, that'd be a budgetbreaker right there just for supplies.

Argh. I don't think I can regulate myself very well. I can't figure it out.

I am thinking of making July the Month Of Minimum Spending, where I try to buy as little as possible that isn't food, bills, or necessities for a class or something. I highly doubt I can do it, but maybe I'll give it a shot. So far all I bought was lunch and herbal remedies (sore throat acting up again, etc.).

As for the writing...who knows. I tried to plot out a "work on it at some point every day" schedule and bombed out on that after a week. Maybe I need to make myself leave the house? Guh. I liked the suggestion here of just setting a word count goal rather than a daily goal, but I'm afraid I'll flake on that too.

Hell, I had writing time tonight, and what did I do?

(a) go to the bank, the hippie store, and the yarn store,

(b) came home and fiddled with knitting,

(c) watched Mona Lisa Smile.

Yup, that was productive.

I think what I need is some group negative reinforcement. Something like, "If you don't get this done, you're in trouble, Jennifer." Lord knows that got my homework done enough times...

I miss NaNoWriMo.


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