Chaos Attraction

Fascinating In A Bad Sort Of Way

2020-07-07, 8:30 p.m.

(a) I am not fried by the end, so that's a yay.
(b) I heard from the coworker who was presumably out with you-know-what last week, she is back at work and sounding cheerful, thank god. Direct quote: "im doing good wayyyy better than last week lol how about u ??" Then she wanted to talk about my theater career.
(c) I spent 2 hours getting my boss to help me figure out complicated shit, so YAY.
(d) Lioness has been recruited back part time to my group.
(c) I was waiting around on one office because I hadn't heard from anyone on approving stuff for like 3 weeks. I'd gotten some auto-emails saying that Person A was out of the office, but Person B, her backup, was never heard from. I finally got fed up enough to email everyone in the department to ask what was going on, and Person A wrote back to say she'd been out, but Person B is her backup...I got the impression from the emails that Person A is annoyed at Person B for not actually having done backup. Ahem. This amused me. Anyway, the shit got done, so I'm fine.

They started washing the outside of the building today. It was loud and wet and distracting to see a human walking around on my patio spraying literally EVERYTHING. Oh well, at least all the bugs and germs are cleared out...until Sneezy McCoughsalot goes out again.
Dammit, why did it not occur to me to go outside for a brief bit until he went out again when I got off work?!?! Now it's dark and too late.

Today's anti-affirmation calendar said "I miss you like D-list stars love fame." Certainly can't send that one off to you-know-who. Shanna concurred that it's too much on him.

You know how I complain about how like every day there's a new horrible revelation that coronavirus is even worse and more contagious and incurable and god knows what than you thought? Yeah, THIS. Once again, THIS IS WHY I WILL NOT SEE PEOPLE EVEN SIX FEET APART. That isn't safe either, apparently. And later I read this and that was just sad. I kept thinking "oh god, I don't care how desperate you are for hugs, I would not be physically seeing someone in healthcare, and at least for right now you can't count on the tests," but kept my mouth shut since people have been giving me shit for saying no to literally everything.

On a related note, Linda asked if anyone was willing to do filming in person and uh.... no. She said no worries.

They're going to send sheet music and have you work with a musician, which uh...I've never done before and have no clue on? I certainly need the training it though, so I guess we'll see. I still have like 1.5 songs to do (and I'm miming silly stuff in the "Leader of the Pack" spoof) and even though Linda's heard me sing before she gave it to me, so...fingers crossed!

I still wish we'd do the absolute silliest cheesiest shit to act out the fights though instead of trying to have realism. Like have finger puppet fights or something really crazy.

Tonight I have been watching videos about Gone With The Wind and The Fountainhead. I find both of these books fascinating in a bad sort of way--they're hella twisted and not something I would recommend others read, but it's fascinating to analyze the shit out of them--and this "coldcrashpictures" guy on YouTube actually has the same fascination with both of them that I do. Cool! I have thought about saying stuff about those books online, except I'm a girl and would thus get murdered for it.

Okay, how do I fill out 750 words tonight when I'm just watching videos and knitting? Let's talk about pandemic bodies!

* Hair: I have three inch roots now of my natural color (whatever that is) and then pink hair. Good god, do I wish I hadn't dyed it some other color these days. Especially since it's pink and all I am acting in is period parts. I'm still terrified to dye my own hair so far, so I may win a contest for Quarantine Hair at some point.
One of my exes dyed his hair blonde for Halloween one year. However, his bright idea to deal with the roots issue (instead of redying it) was to ask a barber to cut off all the blonde. It didn't work, it looked terrible, and he ended up with awful skinned sides and blonde tips. Like "oh god, please wear a hit, that is painful to look at." However, after a few years of this, I suspect I may just be able to cut off all my pink. It's almost entirely out of my bangs (which I had to trim) as is.
I wish I had more wigs now.

* Weight: I don't fucking know, I don't have a scale in here. I'm not gonna judge myself on that. What does it matter? I'm never wearing jeans again. Working out isn't fun, dancing isn't fun, exercise isn't fun. I feel bad that I haven't been able to do laps around the apartment for over a week now, but if I try to start pacing back and forth between the kitchen and the living room (see below) it's still a problem with my beestung foot. It's probably a good thing I don't have to walk to work any more. But I don't have super appetite either, so I figure it's a draw.

* Clothes: At the beginning of the pandemic, I lived in my pajamas and bathrobe for three weeks a la The Big Lebowski movie. Nowadays I am in a tank top and gym shorts daily. I swap them out upon showering (I have to handwash everything so I combine those activities). I put on a shirt if I am actually seeing somebody over Zoom,. I have an "outside" crappy workout shirt/outfit to wear on outdoor days, which then gets Silkwood-showered in when I get back inside. I will dress up for theater productions, which is when I break out the wigs and/or Renaissance Faire clothes.

* Body hair: I normally shave, but there's literally no point in doing it and wasting the razor when I don't leave the house. I dislike the hairy legs (I think they're like a half inch long now) and the furry armpits very much, but then I think, "what's the point?" There is no point. Life as I knew it is over. Why try to look pretty or feel pretty if there's no theater going on that day?

This whole thing has made me realize how much I normally wear tank tops and spaghetti strap dresses, because if I put any of those on, I see the Pits From Hell and feel obligated to find a T-shirt.

* Fingernails: I actually have (more or less, a few nails have ripped on the left hand) long nails now, which is something I've never managed in my previous outdoor-going life. It's very weird to have long nails. Kind of interferes with typing and manhandling the phone a bit, I'm not used to being actually able to scratch things. How the hell do people with fake nails live like this?

* Toenails: I really should clip those by now. So far I'm still kinda like "what's the point, not wearing shoes here" on this. I don't have painted toenails any more except for the paint that wouldn't come off my big toes, which is sad in summer. But again, what's the point?

* Beestung foot: still somewhat swollen, still not walking around much yet even though it's gone down some. Still bothersome to do more than like 5-7 steps at a time.

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