Chaos Attraction

Snapping, Hiding, and Planning

2003-07-10, 4:41 p.m.

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It's been an ... interesting few days.

* For some reason, Scott has started calling Dave again. Dave won't answer.

* Jackie's gone back to work and is miserable again, but the Paxil's making her so "sedated" (her word) that she doesn't care when people are yelling at her. And she had a job interview the other day, thank the gods.

* I lost it the other day. Denise has been going on virtually every day, most of the day, about her grandma. I know she doesn't like her grandma and she goes off to me about it all the time because I've been there with my grandfather, but sometimes it's just like, can we discuss something else? But of late she has nothing to talk about beyond grandma and job hunting. Literally. She's also quite obsessed with rudeness and annoyingness and asking one multiple times about what's rude and what's annoying.

After she'd spent about an hour going on about how Grandma thinks everyone over 40 is UGLY UGLY UGLY, I snapped. Now normally I'd just claim I had to go to the bathroom or a sudden meeting or something and leave, but noooo, I had to SAY SOMETHING. I finally snapped and told her that offended me. She hasn't spoken to me since, and from what I hear, is cowering in fear.

On the one hand, I feel bad. On the other hand, I've been enjoying the silence.

I've had a couple meetings at work this week, one of which freaked me out a bit. Apparently they do evaluations here in July, and last year I got lucky and missed out because I was laid off and all. I haven't had one since, well, the one where I found out I was losing my job. I don't think it'd be this bad this time around, but still, stomach going EEP.

Even worse was the "Stock up on ramen for when we're all making minimum wage!" Yes, that was serious.

This makes me wonder if I should back out on that trip, except that I'll never get that kind of opportunity (for that low cost either) again if I do. Though I guess I'll end up financially fucked no matter what in September, when I'm making minimum wage, my rent goes up, and I still don't have a roommate.

Yup, one of those "retrospective" moments where one thinks "God, I should have been having no fun at all whatsoever for the last six months and saving, saving, saving." Except obviously I've cracked so many times under that pressure that I keep looking for reasons to shop. And goddamnit, I NEED A NEW COMPUTER REALLY REALLY BADLY.

I was thinking about asking my parents for money should this minimum-wage-thing happen, but given Mom's snippy-ass attitude of late, somehow I think she'd just tell me it was all my fault and I should be able to solve the problem myself. I'd deserve it, of course.

Lord, she was a pain. I've been trying to break her in on this idea of me buying a laptop thing gradually, but last night I figured out that it would do no good. I told her about the cheap laptops and she told me I should NEVER get one that wasn't brand spanking new because it wouldn't have a warranty. Well, you know, I DID check that, and they offer one. The same one as they do the non-refurbished ones, even. I told Mom this and she went quiet. I KNOW she didn't believe a word of that. Of all the things my parents are conservative about, computers is at the very very top. Yes, even higher than moral standards about sex and the manners of children.

If I ever tell her that I bought a laptop and then September comes and I'm fucked, boy, am I gonna be dead meat. I'm just going to hide the thing and never tell her, I think. Or at least, not tell her until Christmas and then claim I bought a new one. Honesty is never the best policy with my family. Just imagine how telling her I'm going on vacation is going to go :P Kill me now. I'm so tired of dealing with her thoughts, feelings, and opinions on my life every time I make a choice for me. I'm sick of getting fifteen loads of shit if I do anything that's remotely unconventional and non-stereotypical for a 1950's 18-year-old.

I've been listening to Wil Wheaton's audioblog of his cross-country drive trip, and it sounds like we'll be hitting a few of the places he did off Route 66. This somehow makes me all the more excited. I'm relistening and taking notes on what freaky things we might find, as well as finding Route 66 sites to look for weirdness on.

So far, the itinerary as I know of it is:

Day 1, Monday: CA to Vegas.

Day 2, Tuesday: Vegas! All day!

Day 3, Wednesday: Vegas to Grand Canyon to Flagstaff.

Day 4, Thursday: Flagstaff to El Paso.

Day 5, Friday: El Paso to San Antonio.

Day 6, Saturday: San Antonio to New Orleans.

Day 7 & 8, Sunday and Monday: New Orleans! Too bad we'll pretty much miss the party days (Hill ain't going out after driving all day), but oh well.

Day 9, Tuesday: New Orleans all day, I fly home that afternoon.

If you happen to know of any weirdness to see on that way, particularly in Texas (okay, that's one that's unlikely, eh?), let me know.

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