Chaos Attraction

Mystery on the Mississippi

2020-07-17, 9:02 p.m.

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Cast list as of November 2019

I'm sick of work. I had my chewout today and I'll be fair: this was actually a sane chewout and they were not unreasonable for thinking as they do, even though to some degree I think we just saw things from different points of view/had a bit of a misunderstanding. I did laugh in my head when Grandboss said "I didn't want to badger you" (twice). I did figure out that well, grabbing my throat very hard during the whole thing actually really helped me with my stress levels and kept my damn mouth shut. Is that an acupressure thing? I went to a talk on that this week and don't recall, but there's probably something, right? My old vocal coach advised this sort of thing for vocal tension, albeit hers was a bit more gentle.

I'm beyond sick of helping people for a living and it is draining. I don't want to go the extra mile to help, help, help at this point at my level of burnout and exhaustion. I am out of care to make sure people get Excellent Service and Go The Extra Mile. (It was another day of "I spent the entire day answering emails and I can't get anything at all else done, and it was a SLOW email day and this still happened.")

However, I can't see the point of trying to job hunt again. Job hunting is more depressing than my actual job, which is saying something. I feel like even more of a failure when I don't care about or flat out despise every job I see. And it's not like I give a shit about doing anything any more. I just want "quiet, left alone in the corner to type shit and I don't have to be a people person" and that doesn't exist. I'm even less motivated to move for a job if I don't really actually care about it or want it. It's easier to apply for jobs I don't care about at the giant org so I don't have to uproot my life for something else that's at best "meh." Except those are few and far between now. I can't be in a career I care about and I'm glad I'm not because I would be so expendable, but it makes it hard to give a fuck about anything else and I'm out of places to apply that relate to my skills. None of them ever wanted me.

Goddammit, I do not belong on the public service team. I belonged on the other team. Except they hate me. Why is my life so fucked?
I drank again after work. Yay.

After work I watched Mystery on the Mississippi, an event that I guess they normally do on a paddleboat in the river in Minnesota, but this year it's online. It was a hoot. They had a park ranger who puts on(?) the shows with a comedy troupe, Ranger Sharon, who was quite glam and wore purple glasses (highfive) and said, "We're a weirdo little park."

Anyway, the plot of the show is that Claire and Theodore are going to get married on a paddleboat. They are park nerds--Theodore has concerns about overcrowding, while Claire is an environmental lawyer who FREAKING SWOONS over Ranger Sharon when they meet. (The show certainly does pimp parks. I wish I'd gotten Dawn to watch this now, she would have been really into it since she is a park nerd. Well, they said they'd replay it next week....)

Other characters:
*Betty the wedding planner: former coworker of Claire's, her friend, this is her first wedding and she's insisting on doing it well.
* Chip (aka Doug), a TV actor known for playing a minor cop character on Santa Monica 911. He was in every episode, died in the final one, and had a catchphrase!
* Holly, Theo's cousin and the officiant. You get one online officiant license and now she thinks it'll be her new career. Is super enthusiastic over meeting Chip.
* Mike, the mutual "best man" of the bride and groom. Claire's childhood friend who introduced them. A good chunk of the plot is Mike trying to figure out who to be best man for since legally he can't sign off as two witnesses. Holly (his ex) is all "Do both! Someone else can sign the license!" Duh!
* Uncle Bob: Claire's annoying uncle who hogs her Zoom, breaks into every call, keeps talking about fishing and dropping fireworks into the river, doesn't listen to anything you say, and seems to be insisting that he'll break into the wedding and walk Claire down the aisle.

Guess who the murder victim is? He had a fabric sample from the wedding color in his hand at the time of his death, but he wasn't invited--so who dunnit? Chip will interrogate everyone to find out!

Betty made a crack about this wedding being memorable years later when you're on wife #3...
"She told you about the cake plate, didn't she?" Uh, no, she did not, too bad you just confessed to breaking it.
Chip is originally introduced to Holly under his given name of Doug. "Does anyone ever tell you you look like Chip Hunter?" "All the time."
"Oh darn, I dropped him off the call, how'd that happen." -Claire about Uncle Bob, frequently. I'm pretty sure there's a way to block people from coming back onto your Zoom....
After Mike has to listen to Claire and Theodore being schmoopy: "The two of you are adorable and make me sick." Theodore: "Achievement unlocked!"
Claire asks Ranger Sharon a stream of stupid questions about stuff including Bigfoot sightings, alien abductions, and how to dispose of a dead body (well, someone should have paid attention to that). Betty: "So let's ask Ranger Sharon some SMART questions about how to get married in the park...."
Claire: "If you were here right now i'd be hugging you!!!!" Ranger Sharon: "It's a shame I'm not here!" (vamooses).
Uncle Bob has "My tux is a fishing boat" embroidered on a jacket?!
"Oh, look at that, I accidentally disconnected him."
Chip is going to be on "Baywatch 90210: The Reagan Years:" "It's total garbage, but it's a paycheck!"
Betty wants to know if Chip is going to turn into a famous person ham at the wedding. After pointing out that he played a character with 10 lines an episode except for the one episode a year where he had a day in the limelight, "I know when I'm not playing the lead."
Holly thinks officiating weddings is her calling. Theo doubts this.

Theo's rules for Holly officiating:
Rule #1: NOTHING FROM THE PRINCESS BRIDE. *sigh* "As you wish."
Rule #2: no catch phrases

Holly on Uncle Bob: "At least I know I'm not the family member who's going to ruin this whole wedding."

There was a Q&A with Chip about his career. Since his catch phrase was "I'll handle this mess from here, Chief!" I asked what his biggest mess was. Spraypaint. He also pointed out that "the most famous actor is most likely the killer!" and "I''m about to be thrown off the top of the Eiffel tower by Tom Cruise!"

Newscasters on Bob's murder by the river: "His driver's license only lists him as Bob?" "Isn't that a little unusual for a driver's license?"
Claire to her dad: "Don't use your catchphrase on me!!!!"
Claire (who otherwise doesn't have a maid of honor since she and Theodore share a bestie and Theodore called dibs first) wants to ask Ranger Sharon to be her maid of honor. Is that weird? Theodore says yes, but he knows better than to answer as to HOW weird it is.
Theodore and Mike's swinging bachelor night: "We ate a frozen pizza and watched The Breakfast Club."
Claire to Mike: "That's the worst "I got so trashed" story I ever heard."

Holly and Betty:
"I'm the best officiant who has ever officianted."
"It's officiated, and you haven't yet."
"Well, I didn't want to work with you anyway."
"That's probably all for the best."

From Mike's interrogation:
Mike to Chip: "If you're going to be the bad cop, shouldn't someone be the good cop?"
How was Mike going to "deal with" Uncle Bob?" He was going to drug Bob's beer. "LEGAL drugs."

"I would pretty much do anything for the parks. Except for murder." -Theo
"I consider Holly the greatest threat to this wedding. I hope she doesn't screw it up." --Betty
"I think one person in the family with a catchphrase is enough." -Claire
"Just as I was about to figure out who murdered my brother!" -Claire
"Can we figure out this man of honor thing first?" -Betty
As Chip talks to the audience about the poll as to who they think did it: "Who is he talking to?" "I think he's running one of his scripts from Santa Monica 911."
"We were up really late talking about birds." "Well, pumpkin, your alibi is pretty flimsy."
Chip: "Ranger Sharon, I don't suppose you could let Claire get married before you arrest her for murder." "I'm not a law enforcement ranger."

I'll tactfully not reveal the murderer and they want to run it again next week somehow (not sure how?). I will say that everyone's cats wanted to come on camera afterwards, so that was very cute. Ranger Sharon had to show a caterpillar instead.

In the news:

Someone want to explain to me why this author's last name was somehow substituted with The Name That Follows Me Around? Just saying. Seriously, jeebus.

I was actually having great respect for Gavin Newsom in the first few months of the pandemic. Then lost it when he let everything reopen WHEN IT OBVIOUSLY SHOULD NOT HAVE. Now I think I'm getting it back again. Good job deciding for most/all of the schools on whether or not to come back and the answer is NOPE! Especially since most places are on the watch list. I find this interesting: "The governor hinted that universities will follow the guidelines as well, once a new president is installed at the California State University System." I'm not sure what that last bit has to do with anything since CSU already said they'd be 100% online, though. Maybe they just meant the UC system, which would make more sense under the circumstances.

Oh, speaking of, my alma mater said something today about classes of 50 or over are definitely online, classes under that are going to be left to discussion/debate/the instructors/some committee.... y'know, vagueness like that. What made me boggle a bit was that they said they were going to encourage people to have classes outdoors in tents, with AV/audio equipment, plus masks/six feet. Which they admitted this was "neither practical nor feasible" for some courses, I was thinking "what about when winter hits?" Like I know I live in California and all and we're going back to drought again, but at some point in November-ish or December, outdoor class is not going to be feasible. Ditto come winter when that probably won't be feasible for most of January through March.

You know what, I used to be able to go out sometimes on a Friday night. Now I wait around for Shanna to get off of work calls :P Good thing I always entertain myself, because that didn't actually happen tonight. Oh well.

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