My boss is back, and she's stuck at home with the kids while her husband drives to Bakersfield! Fun times!

This morning's all staff meeting: So IBB got a hold of the staff engagement survey....and announced this whole thing about how supervisors with small teams can't see their responses and only if you have 5 or more people that you supervise, only those people can see responses, so upper management can see what middle managers can't and....

SO THE FUCK, THEY SENT OUR ACTUAL RESULTS TO OUR ACTUAL MANAGERS?!?

I WOULD NOT HAVE FILLED IT OUT HONESTLY HAD I THOUGHT MY ACTUAL MANAGER COULD SEE IT, AS OPPOSED TO THIS JUST GOING TO SOME RANDOM DEPARTMENT IN GIANT ORG. They are going to put out another survey in the fall. NOT GONNA BE HONEST ON IT NOW.

Campus engagement's "benchmark" was 75 and we got a 76 out of 4000+ people. Response rates of 64% for career staff, less for people who aren't.

The section on "opportunities to improve" included "how decisions are made," not having equal opportunity to success, and LOL, "do not believe meaningful action will come from this effort." People openly laughed at this one in the meeting and a few said it straight out. IBB asked if anyone was surprised by the results and everyone said no. "It might be a history of these efforts being put into place and not much results coming out of that," he said. YUP.

My coworker Teresa (always awesomely blunt and sassy, and unlike me, gets away with it) said that it only comes up because this is what staff considers "engagement," that people got to answer questions, no changes happen and then we do this again. "But as long as the staff continues to answer questions, they must be happy about it!" and "If you're not Jeff Bezos, you're probably not excited about work, because it's work." They are trying, but nothing is ever going to change quickly. Or frankly, not much changes at all. Also, our office said that resources are bad, hahahah. Lioness was all, "I'm literally sitting here hand keying things." I said in chat that things have been broken literally the entire time I've been here and they will never be fixed.

IBB said that he'd been trying to get the results of the survey out of FormerBigBoss since spring, but since she left, guess what happened there. "I didn't t get access to the comments. Once I get access to the comments I will show you." OH HELL MOTHERFUCKER NO, I WOULD NOT HAVE SAID ANYTHING IF IF KNEW ALL AND SUNDRY WERE GOING TO SEE IT. I'm so mad about this. I only answer surveys honestly if someone else is running them, there's a large number of people, statistically I won't be found out or stand out, etc. Them fucking passing our exact answers to our bosses? ASSHOLES. Because it's going to be so obvious which member of the public service team said her job doesn't fit her (and probably worse, but who recalls from a year ago now).

Next time they make me fill this out? I'm just writing down "I do not feel comfortable giving honest answers since they will be shared with our supervisors" for every question.

On the good news side, IBB's dog went off barking during the meeting again and he said, "My dog is really upset about the results of the survey." I'm so proud of him for making a joke! I didn't think he was capable of that!

And phone training has been postponed AGAIN MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

Robert texted me today to warn me that the Thirsty Goat karaoke bar in Woodland--which I have not been to, but Jim mentioned it a few weeks ago as having gone (once?) and it being divey--has had to close down for people coming down with Covid. Well, that one's not me but I asked him to notify Jim and he said Jim knew. Presumably Jim hasn't been in there lately, one hopes.

Can someone explain to me why all the fairs are canceled BUT they are having all the amusement park rides at them this summer anyway? Je ne comprends pas.

I went to FedEx to print out my (long) patterns for Ravellenic Games and it was like $29. For fuck's sake. Well, one actual good reason to go back to work, I guess: free printing.

I got invited to a seekrit Acme Theatre show--outdoor, limited tickets, spaced out, by invite only, must show vaccination card and wear mask through the whole thing--and signed up for that tomorrow.

I finally heard from the hairdresser, who is booked through mid September but might...oh, who knows. I don't know what's going on with this but it is dragging on.

Tailwind rehearsal tonight: * Kelly requested filming so she could watch it later because 'I'm managing the script and the farting." * Before we started rehearsing, Kelly went on about how surprise, her mother-in-law is coming for the weekend and she has to clean the bathroom AND set up the guest room (which is totally packed up) AND get some medical treatments over the weekend which will definitely interfere with all of the above. * Kelly says she plans on spending the weekend in bed watching ghost hunting shows, which her wife won't watch because she thinks this will bring ghosts in the house. Kelly is all, you watch demon shows, what's that bringing in the house? * Kelly has a different farting....thing...on her end. "It's 2 minutes, 50 seconds of farts." I think it's just one continuous recording of farts? Long, long farts. Spectacularly wet-smacking-sounding farts. I'm all "That's just hitting ONE BUTTON?!" and "Can you even hear the dialogue over all the farting/' * Kelly; "We just have to practice these fart parts over and over.' * Me: "I'm falling out of my chair in my own amusement." * Jackie keeps being more and more Christian ridiculous--like she randomly breaks into song, or French accent, or burps--so I find myself escalating my own ridiculousness like getting IN HER FACE camerawise, nearly bird flipping (and of course, the constant pushing of the fart button), imitating both of the other characters, making faces, falling over in the chair....Didn't have this reaction with Shanna, I gotta say. * Me: "Y'all are so weird, I'm the NORMAL ONE?!"

I listened to this video on twin flames today.

Now, I don't quite buy into the whole "twin flame" thing, agree with it, or like it. I definitely hate the whole idea, actually. But, what with all the Signs From Above that I had effing blooming during the whole thing--and still have going on, unfortunately, even though I told the universe to STOP IT-- and Scott figuring out a few things about me, I thought something unusual was going on here. Of course, now I realize it was all lies I made up in my head because I wanted to believe and there was nothing there ever, but I still watched this video anyway.

Susan Winter has mentioned this sort of thing vaguely before, but did somewhat mention her "twin flame" (younger man she was with in the 90's that went mentally ill) and then had some kind of similar relationship with someone else later, so she has rather been there and done that. Basically said it's kind of a psychic whammy relationship that you're compelled to get into that feels like an "assignment" to get with this person. Except it doesn't work because together/separation is an inherent thing, you can't tie down this relationship into anything normal, it's the best thing but you can't hold on to it. You're trying to affect change in them, but you are more changed than they are, and they run for it. You get awakened, but they may not be into that idea. You were the more mature one, they weren't, so they ran away from the intensity. She doesn't want to tell you there's no hope per se, though that wasn't her experience. The lesson is to be able to love and release.

Somebody in the chat was all, it's her birthday tomorrow, do I say something? Her response: For every decision you don't know how to make, ask, "If I do this, then what? Will I get excited and hope again? Will I start a 6 month obsession again? What's it going to do to you? Not in the moment of connecting, because that's where you get the release. But once you're done, what's the upshot? What did it cost you? If it doesn't cost you, then go with it.

So, DON'T DO IT, I said to the guy. All you do is backslide. You get your hopes up and you get disappointed again, so what's the point?

Anyway, it was very insightful.

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