2011-08-01, 4:49 p.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
Jess made a comment about how the Cat of Chaos dropped a Drama Bird on my doorstep, thinking it was a nice prize. TRUE DAT. Suffice it to say that the end of July/beginning of August had several sudden drama bombs kabooming. I was expecting some shit to go down once both my mom and my shrink are out of town for half of August, but this is early.
Part 1: after a loooong talk with the boyfriend, Mom found out that he pretty much has zero interest in getting married whatsoever. And when he was married, it took him 4 years to decide to do it. He doesn't want to move here, I guess he doesn't want her to move there, he would rather have the ex-wife be his nursemaid than mom... I'm starting to think there's been some kind of Chris Traeger cheerful dumping going on here that Mom is not aware of, because unless these two were agreeing to do nothing but flings from now on, it sounds over.
While I was out shopping with Jackie on Sunday, Mom called me in a panic wanting me to check this long e-mail she'd written to him before she mailed it. The letter was basically begging him not to break up with her, to give her a chance, because she can't take losing any one else any more. Sigh. After I finally got home, I told her not to send it. Turns out she'd already mailed him some other e-mail that was full of happy-dappy cheer and had no relation to the e-mail she sent me.
I told her not to send the pleading e-mail, and pointed out that if she wants another husband, which she does, she's in her 60's and really probably shouldn't be spending 4 years waiting for this dude to change his mind. Towards the end of the conversation she sounded like I'd convinced her, but I am expecting some kind of mental reboot to have happened by the next time I talk to her and she will have forgotten all sense and reason entirely again. I don't exactly want to contact the dude himself and say, "Dude, just officially dump her already," but it's sort of tempting.
Part 2: I got a last minute-ish invite to a party last night..which turned out to be being thrown by some of my ex-friends, who have now formed a new group all by themselves. My ex-driving instructor was there as well (though she told me she's been too injured to do much of anything for several months). I am boggled. Especially since ah... some of them have been making some drastic fucking life changes there that I had no idea about and they mostly acted like I should know about this? It sounds like those people are now getting back to the original hobby that brought us all back together, but I don't know if I am welcome to join them on a regular basis or not. Or if I should. Am I wanted or does anyone care? Are they all going to flake for being Too Busy? Oh, and how come when I ask if people want to do stuff I get no responses, but if they do, things happen? Fuck if I know what is going on any more.
Okay, this is something that I just do not understand: why is it that people who have TOTALLY DUMPED YOU FROM THEIR LIVES will decide to periodically peek back in? I'm not saying that they want to be your friend again--oh, quite the contrary, unless it's a token "Facebook friend" thing, which is useless. Now, my whole life up until a few years ago, when I got dumped it was for good. Never heard from those people again, they thought I was an asshole, whatever. But now it's apparently like, totally okay for them to change their minds a little? Because for some reason it's now very important to briefly come back into my life to tell me, "Oh, you're still a nice person, I don't like, hate you or anything...but it's not like I want you back in my life anyway because I have Moved On."
Frankly, I'd rather think that they hate me, because at least then things would make sense. I do not get why if I was so bad enough to drop in the first place, it's okay to want to bug me years later. If you're going to come back, come back (though I don't know if I'd trust them to stick around, since they've Moved On and all), if you're going to be gone, STAY GONE! Because trust me when I say that I'm still crazy and whatever you didn't like about me before has not gone away since then. Pick a side and stick with it, already. There's no take backs or mind changes allowed this late in the game after we have nothing to talk about any more.
No wonder I hate Facebook. There is no point in "reconnecting" with someone who's been out of your life for years by now. It makes you briefly think they are coming back-- and then I get all crazy and deluded again when I should fucking know better. Like I am right now. I should know better that once someone's gone, that is it and over and done with, and trying to do otherwise has NEVER worked out.