Chaos Attraction

Didn't Break A Leg, But....

2019-08-02, 9:35 p.m.

Quote from Hannah at work: “Adult life is so weird and complicated.” Hear, hear.

First night of the show! It went well. Hannah and another coworker of mine came to see it and gave me flowers, which was very sweet.

Somehow there was a ton of water in the ladies’ room and I ended up slipping twice coming out of there, taking a whopping fall and slamming my right arm into the wall/basically landing on it. I yelled out, “I’m okay!” and then tried to hide my arm as best I could because it swelled up so big it looked like I had a tumor or hematoma or something. I went out to get a bag of ice to take care of that and then hid in the corner of the green room with it. Thankfully, that got the swelling down enough that it didn’t get noticed by anyone until they saw me sitting down at a table later, because my sleeves didn’t really cover that. Oh well, at least I’m usually snuggling with Touchstone or whatever onstage a lot.

(Writing this weeks later, I still have semi-spectacular bruising that startled my coworkers who were out on vacation during this time. Lioness was one of them and she’d texted me “break a leg” before the first show and then got concerned that she brought on my arm injury.)

Germaine is coming out at the start of the show to explain the plot and Shakespearean language to everyone, including all of my dirty talk. “People of a certain age will know Motley Crue....” she said as she explained what “motley” is. Then Laure comes out to say that the duchess has given her a proclamation about...something. Brian was in Twelfth Night a few years ago and said that Laure talking was giving him flashbacks to some extremely random speech she used to give at the start of that show.

I sadly was unable to write down all of the private yet onstage jokes about goats that I have been making with Jim onstage at the end...we don’t have official lines but are standing around on the stage waiting to get married off, so we started amusing ourselves and Laure never said not to, so muahahahah. It’s been amusing to see how much shit I can do on stage and then see whether or not she notices and says no to it :p

Most frequently we’d be doing the following:

(a) We’d be generally trying to figure out what’s going on with the plot: “Oh, she’s a guy? They’re related? Oh, that girl thought that girl was a guy? Oh, that’s so sad.”
(b)When we’re told the Duchess has converted, I said something to him like, “What means this converted?” and he’d be all, “I’ll tell you after the goats have gone to bed.”
(c) When the duke says, “I declare,” we started muttering “thumb war” or just outright doing some subtle thumb war.
(d) When Jaques hands Touchstone some money, I bite one of the coins because he and I were making jokes about whether or not the money was chocolate. I give him a thumbs up when it is! Also, having learned that Jaques tries to horn in between us, I switch places and shove Touchstone in his general direction when he’s coming.
(e) When heading offstage, I’m quietly singing, “We’re off to bang now! We’re off to bang now!”

Laurel took a very cute photo of me last night in which I look kind of smirky and smiley and I like it. Meanwhile, Scott tried to take a photo and I just stared blankly, trying to position myself so I could hide behind Cameron’s veil. I don't think that worked.

I spent my backstage time doing a lot of texting with Melinda, who was quite riled at what I said went on and was all, “He didn’t have to say anything. You weren’t going to do anything.” I agree with that.


Germaine hands out flower wreaths to the other girls: “Phoebe, do you want to wear this in the wedding scene? I know you’re not happy.”
Sarah: “I’m happy to get married to Cameron.” (Note: she started out wearing the wreath but dropped it as the show went on.)
Cameron: “As anyone would be.”

“I gotta shut up.” -Germaine
“That’s my line.” -Scott

Phil as he walks in late: “It’s 6:30 somewhere!”

“What, you don’t want me to sing reggae or rap about how I much I hate my brother?” -Scott

“You’re like a gold medal digger.” -Scott to Laurel on her making moves on Orlando.

Cameron says the nicknames for her boss and his wife are “Money and Honey,” as she is a beekeeper. “How long have we had bees in here?” came up at work...

I told Cameron about how I stare into the lights waiting for the aliens to come get me at the end and she was all, “There she goes to rejoin her people.”

“It’s okay that you’re delivering it,” (the news that the Duchess has now converted--we have LeBeau revealing this information now rather than introducing a third De Boys brother in the end as per the original script) “Laurel, because everything is tied up in LeBeau.” -Scott

“You could caption that 150 ways.” -Cameron on Laurel’s photo of Jim in costume with his cell phone backstage.

Cody wanders into the backstage changing tent that Cameron and Elizabeth are using since the rest of us don’t have much in the way of wardrobe changes.
“Wait, that’s somebody’s home.” --Phil
“Are you trying to become a snail?” -Scott
“Don’t break my tent!” -Cameron
“Hey Cody, that’s not a Porta Potty.” -Chris

Later the tent was threatening to blow away, so I cut off some of my yarn and then tied it to the railing. Problem solved, y’all.

Valentin mentioned that the Backstreet Boys are playing on Sunday. “Are they still alive?” asks Sarah.

“It’s the raccoons! And I have to fight them!” -Shelly on finding raccoons in the trash

Chris on Cody: “I think his first line should be, “Line?”

“It’s a play. If you don’t know what happens, look it up on Wikipedia.” -Cameron

“Oh no. Not Laure.” -Cameron (I forget what context but that could have been for anything really-I suspect it was her coming out on stage at the start.)

Chris was saying something about us being out in the woods like Robin Hood (actual line in the play). “Where’s Friar Tuck?”
“Good point.” -me
(Note: Valentin is the one in a friar outfit....but he did tend to wander off in the first act. Like “I’m hitting stores for food” level of wander off.)

Me on Touchstone prancing up the hill backstage: “It’s hard for him to subtly prance, isn’t it?”

For some reason or other it is a Thing in this town for bikers to be riding by playing loud tunes on their bike. Of course this goes on during the show. Valentin did the Macarena to it and the other Bryan (I think it’s spelled that way? He’s Liz’s SO and joined up after Josh suddenly bailed on the show) bopped along. Laurel later just walked up to a guy and asked him to shut his tunes off.
Later, the mariachi music started playing. Very Shakespearean.

“You stepped on me, kicked me, hit me in the family jewels, kicked me in the nuts...” -Valentin
“...I jumped on your back....I shouldn’t trust you.” -Laurel
“I made that very clear when you jumped on my back.” -Valentin, saying this while they were hugging.
Y’all are weird. Just saying.

The two biggest laughs I heard were Laurel draping her leg across the set and going “Yoo hooooooooo!” when she goes to find Cody/Orlando alone and warn him to leave, and Brian’s “Phoebe, Phoebe, Phoebe!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Cody! Get over there! Must I do everything myself?” -Cameron
“You know that’s how your relationship’s going to go from now on.” -me

Shelly slapped hands with everyone after she came back from singing That Song.

Germaine comes back out to narrate the second act: “Is Rosalind going to have her cake and eat it too?”

“One of the hearts fell off the tree as I said, “I can cure it.” Excellent timing.” -Cameron

At intermission, those of us who felt the need to pee formed a “pee train” and went out arm and arm to the bathrooms in full outfits. It was great fun. Tonight’s pee train: Laurel, Elizabeth, Sarah and I.

Laurel: “I was talking with Germaine about how I know so many amazing women and counterparts to be their partners.” Amen, girl.

“Go up there and do something crazy.” -Laurel to me.

Germaine on Valentin having his head hidden in the monk’s robe: “You don’t want him to look like Death.”

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