Chaos Attraction

Game Plan, Thwarted

2019-08-06, 9:41 p.m.

Work quotes from the day:

(a) One of my coworkers got a hold of an MRE and brought it for lunch. It was some kind of pasta and pudding and trail mix and he demonstrated opening it for me and putting the pasta in the warmer before he went off to his next station.

“I hope it’s as edible as you think it is,” I said.
“Honestly, if it’s not edible, I don’t care,” he replied.

When he came back, he reported back that the pasta tasted like Chef Boyardee so that was all right, the pudding was room temperature so that was interesting, the crackers were bland but expected, so that’s why you eat the chocolate peanut butter spread, and he skipped the coffee and trail mix.

The More You Know....(TM)

(b) We had relationship chat in the office again, leading Hannah (who just broke up with her longtime boyfriend because he’s being a deadbeat who won’t work, I HEAR YA GIRLFRIEND) to say, “I love being in love, but you cannot have the love without the ugly parts. Love is like drowning in living waters.”

When asked what my opinion was, I said “remember that quote about love being about racing through the icy tundra and then at night, the ice weasels come?”

I had therapy today and brought my car to work so I could get some privacy during the call. My shrink was all, “Don’t you DARE” to the idea of me quitting the theater group after the play is over (which is about what others said too) and I said I’m not going to, I just want to. I’m down to 60% wanting to quit rather than the 80-90% I was at earlier, so I guess there’s that. She went on about a lot of assumptions and if I choose to be different I’m choosing to change the relationship and I was all, doesn’t it have to change if I need to back the shit off or else I apparently look like I’m coming on to him? She was all, “you just feel like you’re in trouble” and “just behave as if you normally would” and I’m all, what if I can’t do that? Didn’t that cause enough trouble?

As to other things said that night, she was all “that can change in 20 seconds” and “How many times have you said never to me?” and “If I had a nickel for any time you or anyone else said never to me...” “and “We don’t even know about ourselves, Jen.”

In other news with my therapist, her crush told her he’s not attracted to her because she’s too short. “Hey, that hurts,” she said. I attempted to note that he may just be saying that because she’s married. She’s all “hopefully I still have a friend” and “it’s a voyage of discovery.” Ooookay then.

Then came tonight’s karaoke birthday party for Redhead Sarah, which I was not going to bail on, despite certainly having some temptation to.

I had a game plan for handling this whole thing:
(a) I was going to park as close to the door as possible, so no need to get escorted out by anyone and making shit even more awkward.
(b) Get a table in the way back, one of the long skinny ones that are always hard to talk to people who are sitting on the other end rather than the flatter ones at the front.
(c) Generally avoid/ignore him as much as possible, most likely by being far away down the table.
(d) Hope he decided after the awkwardness of last week not to go because really, shouldn’t he be wanting to avoid me?
(e) DRINK! At least until 9 when I have to sober up to drive home.

I’m pretty sure my therapist would have some snappy lines about the universe laughing at you when you make game plans like that, which is certainly what went down. Like really, I only managed the “drink!” level of that.

When I arrived there, the top level of parking by the door was totally full, forcing me to have to park down below (which always seems to be a bit divey...hence my asking him to walk me down the first time, even though my real motive at the time was “I need dudes to shove my car up the hill if it’s not working.”). Then on the group text Valentin asked where to park and I had to say to go park down below. Strike one.

When I got into the bar, every table was full except for the flat one right at the front under the karaoke setup. Strike two.

I was the first one in the bar and guess who came in as number two (insert Riker jokes here...)? Oh yes, that happened. Strike three.

However, he came in and then suddenly everything was like normal again, is all I can say to describe the experience. He hugs me, sits down next to me, says he parked down below next to me (mentioned this more than once, even) and then it was like as if last week’s drama never happened and all was well.

As my mother said later, if he hadn’t wanted to be around you, he wouldn’t have been there.

Dude thwarts me. He figures out my shit. I don’t even fucking know what to make of that. Nobody ever has before. It both ticks me off and is somehow flattering. I don’t know how he made it normal, but he did. Go figure.

I finally noticed recently that he runs hot and cold on the hanging out with me at times, and usually after a night of us hanging out a lot he.. backs off, isn’t around as much, what the fuck ever. I wasn’t sure if it was circumstantial or what, but after That Night I now know why. Seriously, that song being directed at him in Tony n’ Tina has turned out to be really literal. Anyway....I guess after a week of cold from me things changed, because he was quite warm tonight. Go figure on that one, y’all. Dudes be weird.

Others showed up eventually (Robert, Janene, Valentin, Sarajean, Laurel), with various cakes for Sarah and whoever else to sample. I busted out most of my collection of weird hats for people to wear, including the cake one. Someone took an adorable group shot of us in the hats. He had on my rainbow top hat one and sometimes the cake one, which made its way around various heads. I do think he likes that top hat. Laurel showed up basically dressed as fire, I was wearing a peacock dress (kinda requested). I have adorable shots of Laurel dancing with Sarah and Laurel really got down when I did “Poker Face” for her, as requested. I also did “Cake By The Ocean” again since we had the cake theme going on. Sadly, Nelly wasn’t around for that one this time.

Sarah brought her light-up unicorn headband, which proceeded to break and break and break some more every time someone touched it. Sadness. I busted it at first and then things got worse and worse when others touched it! Sarah blamed it on leaving it in her car in the sunlight for months. I feel like I need to go to a Claire’s and get her a replacement sometime. Sarah wore glittery heels and said she almost had to clean cat pee off them.

Quotes from the evening:

That stuffed candle on the cake got a lot of comments...
As Scott has the cake hat on: “Now I have two dicks.”
Sarah: “It’s the dream!”
Scott: “I had to castrate a unicorn in order to get it.”
Pyrate Matthew: “It’s the cloaca of a giant squid.”

Sarah: “My butt crack is swollen.”

“The only other person besides Thor and Captain America to lift Mjolnir....” -Matthew introducing Sarah

“This is the only night a year I can get away with singing both parts of Defying Gravity.” -Sarah’s song selection for the night

“You’re such a fun group, I’m so happy when you’re here.” -Kathy, the lady who took the group shot, also saying that we sparkle.

It was an awesome birthday night.

While people were still around, I brought up the topic of who the heck is actually going to Mark’s party next weekend, and I guess more people are actually going than have so far actually RSVP’d to go. Or at least Robert asked to go in Scott’s car and Laurel and Valentin expressed interest.

Yes, he walked me down to our cars, obviously. Didn’t spend much time talking outside and I suspect that will never happen again, but I did get a few hugs.

So, there you go...Life is weird, y’all, and I don’t know what to make of it. But at least things are normal again?

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