Chaos Attraction

Retrograde Motion

2005-08-08, 1:57 p.m.

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It was a busy weekend.

On Saturday, I had screenprinting class. It was also Chris's birthday, so we went out for that.

Heather and Chris have finally found a house to rent. Coincidentally, it's next to his dad's house- the landlady didn't want to rent to them for cheap, but his dad talked them into it. So she'll be paying less for a house (probably by herself) than I will be for the apartment (also paying by myself). Yeah, yeah, I know, if I moved to Sac I could get cheap places to live too, but I'd also be terrified to walk the streets at night 'cause I'm a wimp who doesn't drive.

It was also the DJ at the Grad's birthday, and he got MASSIVELY TANKED. After they closed for the night, the show was so hilarious that some of us said we wanted popcorn. As he staggered around the floor drinking lots of Jack Daniels's and trying to make announcements into his straw, everyone yelled, "NO DRINKS ON THE DANCE FLOOR!"

Chris also got massively tanked, which was also really entertaining. After we got home, we pretty much kicked back in the hall and watched him say stuff. It was a hoot.

At one point he said to me something like, "Wow, you're like the coolest roommate ever. You want a tattoo? I'll get you a tattoo!" (When sober, he has stated that he thinks I should get a tattoo. To which I am all, "I am not in love enough with any particular design to get one on me permanently.") He also said that he'd seen some dude doing a double take checking me out- "I was pretty sure he was looking at you, 'cause the person nearest to you was a guy'"- and said he was going to mention it to me at the time, "but he was on one side, you were on the other, and in the middle, there was the bar...." Heh.

Though it does worry me that someone was checking me out at this bar. I was (as usual) dressing way down and looking nerdy. And part of the appeal of hanging out on country night is that I learned from 19 years of living in a cowboy town that cowboys do NOT find me attractive, and thus I do not usually get hit on here unless I dare to wear a shirt that shows flesh below the neck. Eeep.

It amuses me that I come from a cowboy town and certainly did not show up on any cowboy guy's radar there, but Chris seems to like me (not LIKElike, thank gawd) anyway. Not to mention inviting me to stuff and...wanting to buy me a tat. Hah.

Anyway, I had a good time, but ended up getting no sleep that night. Oof.

On Sunday, I went to go visit Dad. Though I totally bungled it up.

I bought a ticket for the train that was supposed to leave around 10:55. But they don't print the train # on the ticket (don't ask me why, 'cause they totally should), and I was looking on the wrong half of the schedule (i.e. weekDAYS, not weekENDS), and got the train number wrong. They kept making announcements that all the trains were going to be late, and one train that was going north was supposed to be coming in around the same time as the one I was supposed to be going on. Oh, and the conductor freaking disappeared most of the time I was there, only coming in once to say "I can't announce the train for the Bay Area, so you just have to get outside and wait."

Anyway, a train showed up, and I thought it was the one going north, because the number of that train was different from the one I thought I was going on. (Turns out they switch the number on weekends.) Plus I asked the train conductor on the train which one it was...and ahem, he got it wrong. So I don't hop on the train because I figure it's worse to miss the right one than get on the wrong one and start heading to Reno...and I got it wrong.

Incidentally, I had brought this book along to read on the trip. And I am going to pimp it EVERYWHERE, because it fucking ROCKS. It's all about (a) what your essential self wants, vs. what you've been raised to want and what you do to appeal to others, and what happens when the two are not coinciding, and (b) how to handle yourself in crisis situations.

Anyway, the part I was reading at the time was about how if you're doing something that goes against what your essential self wants (for example, interviewing for a job you would hate to do, or studying a subject you can't stand), your body/mind will rebel against it. You'll make Freudian slips about how you don't want to get into banking during a job interview, you won't be able to remember Chinese characters even if you spend fourteen hours a day studying them, you'll forget to go to an appointment you really don't want to go to, etc.

I couldn't help but think that maybe I'd just done a similar act. Especially when it occurred to me that I had two hours till the next train would come, and that if I left the station to go find a bookstore and entertain myself... I just wouldn't come back.


Anyway, I eventually made it onto the next train, the conductor didn't give a shit my ticket was bought for an earlier train, and finally made it there around 2. Mom picked me up and we went to Fuddrucker's and ate fried junk food. And we ended up confessing....nasty little thoughts to each other. The sort of horrible things I'm always thinking and mentioning here...well, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one.

I didn't actually see Dad for all that long- maybe an hour. He just well...laid there. My cousin Tammy was visiting at the same time, and none of us, including Mom, knew what to say any more to someone who can't respond. We mainly talked about the new swear words Tammy's daughter has picked up. After Tammy left, Mom just watched television. I ended up missing the train I was supposed to return on as well because I was so late getting in, so I got home later than expected. I was so dead tired I went to bed at 9 p.m. because it was the one night this week I wouldn't have a 10:30 p.m. phone call going on.

The good news (such as it is these days) is that Dad has agreed to all of the surgery he didn't want to get before. The trach may be temporary, even. While he's got that in, he will have to go into a home, but if it can ever be healed up, he might be able to go home again. Surgery has been scheduled for Friday.

(On a hippie-dippy astrology note, I find it a little worrying that it's scheduled during Mercury retrograde. Considering that I was supposed to have my wisdom teeth out during MR, and had my apartment flood then instead, and that Sunday was all about the retrograde timing... plus Heather put the rent money in the mailbox again. But then again, surgery for this stuff just plain can't wait until September either. So if something is destined to screw up...well, there ya go.)

Anyway, it was good to spend time with Mom alone without caretaking getting in the way. We both really enjoyed that.

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