Chaos Attraction

Not A Badass After All

2008-08-10, 8:39 a.m.

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I had RAD self-defense class this weekend. 6 hours a day for two days. Honestly, that is not enough to be prepared, I think. I am very ticked that there is a full-on PE class that goes all quarter in this...but "for students only," of course. A self-defense club is in the works for fall, and if I can go I will, but who knows with my packed schedule.

I enjoyed it most of the time. I keep pondering taking up martial arts, but between the time commitment and the whole uniforms thing and the rigid rules, I kind of doubt I'd like it too much. This was a great alternative. Somehow I thought I was going to turn into Buffy. I LOVE punching. Love it, love it, love it. Love the whole idea of being able to beat up on a dude. Loved practicing the moves (though ow, even I'm sore today).

But the time thing was a problem. You barely get to learn the moves (they certainly didn't get ingrained in me, apparently) and then they're all "Okay, simulation time!" With two guys beating up on you. They claim that really, you're only fighting off one at a time, but um...not so much the case. I didn't have a problem with the idea of fighting one dude at the time, but two guys? THREE different times? After two days? Um.... I had my doubts a bit. But given my wannabe-Buffyness, on some level, I didn't think it'd be that bad. I figured I'd be like everyone else who goes through it all and is all, "More! More! This was awesome!"

Well, first off I try to start beating up on the guy (a no-no). I can understand why you're supposed to wait until they grab you before you start (legal issues and whatnot in real life), but when you KNOW these two guys yakking at you are gonna start grabbing within 30 seconds, how well do you just SIT THERE waiting for it?? Not to mention that isn't exactly how it goes in real life because Mr. Yakker at the ATM is still 50/50 odds that he's all talk or all action.

Second try...I remember very little of it. At all. Don't know what I did. Might have gotten grabbed at some point. I do know that right at the door (you're supposed to run out to finish it up) I FELL DOWN. I don't even necessarily think I got knocked down.

Nobody clapped for me or said anything, except the instructor, who seemed kind of horrified. She later told me (I refused to watch the video they did of me, and she didn't object when I said I didn't want to watch it) that I didn't actually DO any of the techniques at all. She wasn't being insulting here or anything, I should probably point out. She clearly thought I should probably Talk To Someone, and I had to say that uh, no, I haven't been sexually assaulted, this is the first time I got grabbed ever.

I didn't go through all three times. Even the "little mom" who INJURED HERSELF in #1 went through all three. Everyone else was pumped and proud of themselves. I felt pathetic and lame and a loser. I managed to restrain myself from crying in public, so I was proud of THAT, but that was all.

I'm very disappointed in myself for not being a badass. As for practicing more, I'm not sure how much in the way of options I have. I've tried for two years to get into this class and finally managed it during this summer (usually the waiting list is huge), so while I can always take the class again for free, I wouldn't count on doing it soon. And we'll see about the club.

Sigh.


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