Chaos Attraction

Biggest Quietest Audience

2019-08-10, 10:03 p.m.

During the day, I went to the Crocker with Loretta to go check out the Richard Johnson exhibit, which was as awesome as the photos say. The rest was somewhat less exciting by comparison because bear urinals and unicorns were not involved.

Last night of the show, sadness. I ended up texting Scott to ask if he still needed to have the pants fixed (yes), so I went over there early to wrangle the drawstring into submission. He is occupied with renting a camera because he’s going to buy a bunch of fancy cameras to work on some podcast/video interview with CEO’s that his best friend is doing. Later backstage I showed him cute fluffy dog pictures and that Nicolas Cage article that’s going around, or at least the article on such. He then read it aloud in a Nicolas Cage voice, which I liked very much.

Carol found a painted rock at one point during rehearsal and she is pretty obsessed with the topic and does NOT want to put them back into circulation. Fine by me.

Laure eavesdrops on people in the bathroom talking about the show. Hmmmm.

Chris mentioned that someone started talking to HIM while he was, saying, “I don’t normally interrupt people while peeing, but....”

My bug spray went temporarily missing (turns out it was in my damn bag, and I’m an idiot) and I ended up spraying myself in the face with someone else’s spray. Oops. Oh well, still not dead.

This had the biggest audience and also the quietest audience, at least for most of the first half. This threw people off, apparently Laurel especially who was already having some kind of sad day and then when people weren’t laughing at the “Yoo-HOOOOOOOO” she came backstage and started writing “fucked up” on a piece of paper she was doodling on. Ouch. However, by the end of the first act they started to wake up and by the time I was on, they were laughing, so all right.

There was some kind of foulup going on with Jim in the last scene on timing or order of lines or something and things got a bit out of order, but it all worked out in the end. Always be improvising, y’all.

We had a whopping seven people on the Pee Train tonight--most of the girls plus Scott who forgot his bloody napkin prop in the green room. While we were in line, the following happened:
“Have you seen the indoor plumbing? It’s amazing.” -Laurel
“I see ankles, I don’t understand.” -Sarah

Backstage quotes:

Phil told us about how one of his kids may try to sneak backstage, so feel free to harass him if he does. (He didn’t.) At one point the son tried to pull a “Do you know who my father is?” on someone and the other person was all “No,” and walked away.

More from Phil on his son:
“He’s less of a sullen sad kid and now is all, ‘sup?”
“Do you know where my father is? I want money.”

“Plants look at me and think life’s not worth living.” -Cameron

Valentin went out for ice cream bars, one kind that looked like Hello Kitty on a stick. We debated if it actually was or not.

“Sadly, it’s not an interesting reason why I go down on my knees...” -Scott

The wind issue continued tonight. That is all.

“We’re not cockroaches, we don’t perform in the dark.” -Jeff

“Oliver: on the one hand, evil. On the other hand, can figure out boobs.” -me on how Oliver is apparently the only one in the play who figured out that Rosalind is actually a girl, but is too polite to really call it out.

“You, sir, are strange. I enjoy you.” --Cameron, but I have no clue on the context.

“I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I think I just saw Guffman in the audience...” Phil, doing this bit at length.

“LeBeau is definitely afraid of his trash.” --Laurel

“You broke Laurel. We need her.” -Cameron

Scott lives out in the boonies somewhere and I keep being all “you’re SURE you don’t live on a farm?” (There is a barn, at least.) Apparently they just like, casually behead rattlesnakes over there? Daaaaaaaaaaamn, country folk are weird.

As Germaine called her a “witchy duchess,” Liz perked right up.

“The French, they’re just funny anyway.” -Phil

“De Boys and de girls and de goats.” -Phil

“She’s still talking. Gonna have to change my dinner reservation.” -Phil

“You’re gonna like As You Like It.” -Germaine
“You’d better.” -Phil

“She’s drunk.” -Phil on Laure.
“How can you tell the difference?” -me
“It’s kind of like working with Jack Sparrow if he was a woman.” -Phil

“I always enjoyed your choking.” -me to Cody, who then choked himself.

“He looks too young, but he’s hot.” -Scott paraphrases the cousins lusting after Orlando.

“I almost choked Scott all the way out.” -Cody

“I don’t think they’re interested in fembots right now.” -Laurel

“The audience is fucking dead.” -Scott

As Phil goes on about “ducdame” (clearly a word Jaques/Shakespeare just randomly made up): “Yes, I’ll bring that up at the next coven meeting.” -me

More bikers with their own music rolled through, and some couple randomly strolled through backstage not noticing a bunch of folks in costume at all. Wind is still going as well. And then, out of nowhere, a few fireworks. WTF?

“The boy’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. Or the entire hardware store.” --Scott on Orlando

I had some kind of extended rant about how come I can somehow recognize my coworkers from two blocks away across the quad, from behind when I don’t even normally see their asses because we are always sitting on them, and yet NOBODY IN THIS PLAY CAN EVER RECOGNIZE ANYBODY. Seriously, Rosalind doesn’t even have a wig on in this show at any point. She literally looks the same except for the outfit.

“It’s that country charm.” -Phil
“The goat, yes.” --me

“Don’t eat it.” -Laurel on lipstick.
“But it smells so good. You know I’m going to eat it.” -Valentin

After the second act, the crowd got livelier. Why?
“We spiked the root beer floats.” With what? “White Lightning.” -Phil

“Then you’ve got a bunch of vampires out there.” (if we served absinthe instead) “Absinthe is the vampire drink.”-Phil

Laurel was petting Valentin and he purred.

After I said I can wear my costume any time I like because I own it: “Wear it to the bank, live your best life.” -Shelly

Next year’s play may be Midsummer Night’s Dream. Or at least Laure said it would be “according to the rotation” and then Linda said later they were considering doing something else but who knows what. Either way, I’m in, even if Laure’s scatty. I want in shows, dammit.

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