Chaos Attraction

On Vacation

2003-08-11, 8:00 p.m.

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Okay, in other news...I now have a roommate! My favorite candidate of the ones that were interested and I hit it off over the phone and had fun, so I said she's the one. (The others happily dropped out, not liking the rent or the boyfriend issue, which made me happy I didn't have to go rejecting people.) Yay!! We'll talk when we're both back from vacation.

Most of what's gone on can be checked on the vacation weblog. Most of it has been great, but I need to rant privately for a bit.

This is my first time really online (not on the Palm) in days and withdrawal HURTS, man. I have over 400 e-mails because I forgot to design up for all my mailing lists, and I can't get rid of them because I'm trying to send e-mails out. Also, dialup hurts, because I cannot get pictures to upload for SHIT, at all, and I've been trying all night. I'm about ready to hunt for somewhere with wireless access in one of the next two cities, except I'm sure Hill would want to leave fairly soon and I wouldn't.

I have had a bad day, can you tell?

What you won't read in the public vacation journal is that El Paso is suckage. EVERYTHING that there was to do was closed on a Monday, thus shooting our plans out. Plus, Hill was in a weird mood. She's wanted ice cream for two days, but has gone back and forth about it. Oh, let's get some here if they're open, they're not, there's one further down the road, but now I don't feel like going there, there's a Dairy Queen at this gas station but now I don't feel like going, oh, I want ice cream again but not there, or there... The picky thing has kinda been going on off and on like this. Or the "I don't feel like going to that" bit. It can really be All About Her and How She Feels At That Moment a lot, which is irritating.

We went out to the closest "authentic Mexican food" place we could find, which rather sucked. The waiter filled up her drink about four times, mine once. I also ordered flautas and he brought me enchiladas, and insisted that I had, in fact, ordered enchiladas. Okay, so there was (ahem) a language barrier, but mishearing a 2-syllable word for a 4-syllable word? Hill said it was my fault for mumbling. For once it was me wanting to leave a small tip and her wanting to add more money ("he refilled my drink"). Ah, the irony, because normally she starts dropping tip money if a waiter/tress screws up anything.

Undiluted 24-7 time has perhaps not been the best idea. I get annoyed when she gets picky, and lord knows I've annoyed her about every fifteen minutes because I've managed to do something MONUMENTALLY stupid. I am not kidding or exaggerating when I say this. In fact, all of y'all out there who tell me that I'm smart? I want you to stop it. I am not kidding. Because it has become very, very clear that I AM NOT SMART. I have done an astounding amount of STUPID STUPID STUPID in the last two days alone. I can't read a map or even tell where we are on one or where an exit is. I can't grab the right map (though in my defense, "The map! The map! THE MAP!!!" is not exactly very specific when I have eight maps next to me). I can't put the sun visor up right. I can't remember to do anything. I put the stuff in the wrong place every. single. time. I can't pick up anything. I do things that will cause disaster or at least mold. I don't understand anything she says to me for at least three different tries at saying it. I bungle everything I try. I want to smack myself over the head very, very badly. Not that it would help. I know she would have preferred to bring someone else with some actual fucking common sense instead of me on this trip, and I don't blame her a bit. She seems to bring out the STUPID in me far more than anyone else ever has, and it frightens me how utterly brain-dead I am all the time and that I don't know how to stop being like that.

It's been obvious to me for a long time that what occurs to me does not occur to other people, and consequently, what everyone else logically thinks of doesn't even remotely creep into my head. This is a major problem, and I have no idea how to work on fixing it.

And really, when someone has to explain something to me five times in a row, and I STILL don't understand it a bit more than I did the first time? I'm sorry, but that is just plain stupid. There is no way to be nice about it and say that the other person didn't explain it clearly enough. When I can't get it when explained in the dumbest possible terminology, I am clearly a moron.

Oh yeah, and did I mention that she wants to start us on Central time TONIGHT? As in, hell, she wants to get up by 5:30 a.m. CENTRAL, which means 4 fucking 30 a.m. here. And I'm still on California time, so going to bed at 9 here (which she tried to do, but she's up watching that Who Wants To Marry My Dad show in the dark) is really seven fucking o'clock to me. Yeah, there's no way I'm going to sleep tonight. WIDE awake.

Another thought: We were watching Malcolm in the Middle last night, and it was this episode about this major mommy's boy- "Mommy's boys and their mothers are laughing at you!"- who was shackled to his mother who'd give him a hairbrush for HER hair for his birthday. They steal the paintgun he got from his grandfather and take the kid paintballing, and when he's getting bullied there again he goes ballistic Rambo and yells at his mother when she comes in. She actually likes it (and well, UGH, seems turned on!!!).

See, every time I see some show like this, with someone being bullied and then getting pissed and fighting back, they suddenly are respected and liked by the bullier and everything is magically fine again. Does this seriously work for other people? Because it's just never been like that for me. If I yell, I just get yelled back at worse and it hasn't made a difference to get pissy and ranty in anyone's face.

(Pardon my bad mood, hopefully things will improve tomorrow.)

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