Chaos Attraction

The Great American Trailer Park Christmas Musical

2015-08-15, 1:03 a.m.

On Friday night we stayed on the Delta King again, which we did...I'm not sure how many summers ago. It was awesome-this time we ate outside on the deck and hung around on the deck reading and watching the various party boats (either with lights or super loud tacky music) floating by.

The next day, we woke up on the Delta King, had breakfast, and then went tooling around Old Sac because we didn't have to get her van out of valet parking until 4:30. We probably shopped way too much. I got a couple of cheap outfits on sale ($10 dress and $15 top), book, a mosaic thing, a glitter tattoo and glitter tattoo kit. The glitter tattoo is awesome, btw.

Then when we went to pick up the van, we ran into a problem: Mom is really short and always has to jam the seat up as far as it can be jammed to drive anything. She told whatever valet NOT TO touch the seat, but of course tall dudes can't possibly drive it without moving it—so he moved it all the way back and then we could not get the seat to move up again. I've never wanted to drive Mom's van, but under the circumstances I was forced to because I could actually reach the pedals. (Eventually Mom drove it home the next day with a whole lotta pillows, and then the neighbor fixed it.)

On Saturday night we went to see The Great American Trailer Park Christmas Musical. Yeah, that exists. It's a sequel to the original Great American Trailer Park Musical, which sadly I had never heard of when this theater company was putting it on. Anyway, that sort of thing is right up my alley.

You may be wondering why they're doing a Christmas show in August. Well, (1) it's an outdoor amphitheater, and (b) the weather in California in August feels like December in Florida, which is where the play is set. The area outside the stage was totally bedecked in Christmas stuff, which was awesome. Of course I got a T-shirt. Honestly, between the weather, the random chickens roaming Fair Oaks (link) and the handmade decorations (link), I really think someone in Kauai needs to put this on. In some ways this would really fit in there.

Songs in this include “Christmas In My Mobile Home,” “Christmas Is For Dummies,” “Twelve Days of Amnesia,” “Christmas Leather Love,” and “Black and Blue on Christmas Eve.” Of course I want the soundtrack for my collection. I also liked the country Christmas music they were playing before the show and at intermission.

The plot of this is that Armadillo Acres is up for an award from Mobile Homes and Gardens for their Christmas decorations, except one cranky tenant, Darlene “C-Word” Seward, refuses to decorate and hates everything and everybody. After figuring out that her neighbor Rufus is poaching her cable—and it appears to be tangled up with the Christmas tree between their trailers—she tries to undo it, shocks herself, and wakes up with easy amnesia and a nice personality. Since this happens on December 12, the rest of the trailer park encourages Darlene 's new interest in decorating and don't enlighten her about her usual personality. And she starts getting closer to Rufus and bonding over decorations. Until her boyfriend/boss Jackson returns from a business trip wanting to know what happened to her.

I haven't mentioned yet that Jackson runs a “breastaurant” called Stacks, and the waitresses wear aprons with sexy women on them and giant pancakes on their breasts.

Anyway, the inevitable “three ghosts” dream sequence happens after Darlene gets drunk on old”keg nog” and passes out, and we find out that Darlene's heart changed after her motorcycle-riding fiance Hank died when skidding on ice and she chalked it up to losing her mind to holiday madness. Maybe this electro-shock version of her is what she was intended to be? ...Nah, instead she gets engaged to Jackson, who plans to buy up the trailer park since they're all squatting anyway. And then some ancient spirit or other possesses the mud flap girl on the top of the tree, explaining that the reason Armadillo Acres is cursed at Christmas is because it thinks their decorations are trash....All right then. Anyway, Darlene comes out of it, breaks up with Jackson and dates Rufus, Jackson relents on the sale, and the trailer park wins the contest.

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