Went to bed at 10:15 last night. Slept in, work up sad. Read "Mr. Impossible" again to make myself feel better. Still felt pretty sad. Then got on Zoom with Dawn at noon to tell her all the shit. She's still trying to figure out where to move to, went to the periodontist this week and said it was safe, and then it turned into looking at patterns on Etsy. That helped. I looked for rude slogans involving "2020" and "dumpster fire."

I walked around the house for exercise and started reading "The Relentless Moon." I love Nicole Wargin. Very strategic lady. Page 90 has dirty space jokes. Excellent. I wish I remember what journal entry it was where I was watching an interview with the author and she said that astronauts make dirty space jokes all the time IRL. That said, it was exhausting and sad in bits and kind of hard to take today, but I plowed through it anyway. (And now kinda rethinking buying it as a gift for you-know-who, but too late now. Probably should have read the new book before ordering it.)

This song makes me sad.

You know what it's like when there are people that you want to talk to/hear from and well, can't? And then when people not in that category contact you, it's a letdown? I'm not hearing back and I'm sure they're busy and blah blah blah and I should keep my mouth shut.

I watched the latest Speak Up storytelling show at 4. Matthew Dicks started out the show with "Let's put everybody into breakout rooms so you can chat!" At least there was an option to decline, which I did (about half the audience declined, I think). No thank you, once again I don't want to camera up and put on Smiling Beautiful Face for strangers. (Which is not right now anyway. As Dawn keeps saying, "you don't look good.") Also, "let's have a conversation with randos for five minutes and then never again" makes no sense to me. I get that he's trying to recreate how their shows IRL work, but... eh..... I am so sick of being asked to turn on my camera and my smiling face. No smiles this week, y'all.

The theme of this show was "Letting Go."

Melissa Reeves: goes to a class on past lives, a hottie walks into the room. But he's black, and she was raised to be racist in Oklahoma. Referring to a black girl she went to school with, "I wanted to talk to her, but I was too busy being white milk." He asks her out. "And my heart says, just check out who he is." "He's perfect. But he's black." She turns him down for a date and marries a white guy for 25 years and two kids and then an ugly divorce. She wonders "what if" she had just stood up to the racists. OMG THIS IS SO SAD. (I was hoping she'd meet him again someday, but later in the show it turned out she had a guy, so. White one, I guess I should mention.)

This one made me cry, Again. SEE, THIS IS WHY NO FUCKING FACES ON ZOOM.

Ron Apter: ends up needing to get his fingers surgically reattached, there goes basketball season. I was still pretty upset from the last story to get the details.

Matthew Dicks: tells a story about Pluto the cat, who is yowling once in a while off camera. After losing several pets, he didn't want to get another, but in 2016 Elysha said, "I need a pet if I'm going to survive Donald Trump being president." She found cats in EGYPT. "I love this cat that I didn't want to love." Pluot had stones in his urethra and came back from death.... BUT THEY HAD TO DO GENDER REASSIGNMENT SURGERY ON THE CAT because I guess you can't remove them otherwise. "Losing your penis can't be good, I can't imagine." "How intertwined love and heartbreak are. That you can't have one without the other." The love makes it worth it. "Good job telling that sad story about our penis-less cat," says Elysha.

During intermission:
* They had everyone in the show do this Disney personality quiz. I was hoping for Rapunzel, came out as Flynn: "You're just like Flynn Rider from Tangled! You like to hide behind your wit and charming personality, but you're really a big softie. You're a very independent person who has big dreams and will do whatever it takes to make them a reality — even if that means causing a little trouble along the way." I'm good with this answer.
* The host lady was all, "Now I am googling for cat reassignment surgery." You gotta see this one. "I never thought I'd find myself in the position of having to purchase my cat a $1,500 life-saving pussy, but I guess that's just the page I was on in this choose-your-own-adventure we call life."
* Matthew: "I see my in-laws in here. It's so nice when old people figure out the Internets.'' "Watch your comments about older people, please," someone said.
* They also want people to take pictures of themselves watching. Again, no. "If you could have a nice face on." No.

Anne Purky: ironically given her name, she tells about trying to commit suicide at a treatment center by borrowing someone's blow dryer and chucking it in water, but all she causes is a blackout. She takes the medication and gets better.
Devan Sandiford: "I usually try to be pretty smart about the dumb decisions I make...." He's a black guy driving in racist Virginia, but a guy gives him directions instead of being scary.

I bought a viewing of "Marc Evan Jackson's Birthday Party," which aired last night but is online for like a week so I got around to it now. He's having a lot of his celebrity friends on over Zoom and some shot videos when they couldn't do it live. I think I vaguely heard that he was on"The Baby-Sitters Club," but I was not expecting that he'd have the entire cast of baby-sitters on the show for his 50th birthday. And be really into it. Like seriously he was VERY sweet and at one point is saying nice things to the girls who got close but didn't make the casting and how he's been there many times. Then he brings on Stephanie Beatriz, swooning over the books, and Busy Phillips, who bursts out with "Oh shit!" followed by "I forgot you were kids!" and said that she styles herself after Claudia and is broadcasting from her closet.

Other guests:
* Kirsten Vangstress, I haven't seen her in ages and she looks very glam and her cat is waving its tail a lot.
* Nathan Fillion: I swear his schumuckstashe from Comic-Con is EVEN BIGGER NOW. It's gonna eat his face.
* Thrilling Adventure Hour cast, I don't really remember, there were a lot of them. * Good Place cast. Jason has strange paintings and Jameela got a puppy.
* During Andy Samberg's video, he said, "When the pandemic's over in 17 years, I'll see you soon." Marc's response: "Oh, I wish you were wrong."
* Brooklyn 99 cast: Terry misses hugs. "I hug her too much now," he says about his wife. Andre on Cheddar: "You know how I struggle with that darling dog."
* Megan Mullaly claims that she and Marc had sex. Nick Offerman is all "Go fuck yourself!"
* Marc is visibly choked up when Ahmad Jamal made a birthday video for him. * Good Place cast part 2: Manny has also grown a schmuckstache, though not nearly as terrible as Nathan Fillion's. D'Arcy makes everyone touch their noses. Kristen has a dog named Frank. "My husband's in traction in the living room." The other dog ate chocolate and Kristen had to pour hydrogen peroxide down her throat. That's 2020. "I'm so used to 2020 at this point, I can handle 2020," she says. D'Arcy informs everyone that it's easy to steal a motorhome, just as Kristen is getting one. William has taken his dog to a dog psychic. Manny's dog is a "resident land hippo." Manny is in Australia and "people get to shake hands and sometimes they hug." Everyone else is utterly shocked. He had a 5-second hug the other day, it was great. Kristen says she will go to "any city who believes in wearing masks." So nowhere, then? Later, how is an "in traction" Dax able to wander over to the camera? Hmm."I'm not doing Misery," she says.
* "Clearly I'm in a coma and none of this is real," Marc says at the end, getting kind of sad about the state of the world at the end. "Take it sleazy. And while you're at it, do something good."

Drinking helps but I still cried five times.

Oh, and ah, my October Daye blog made it to Twitter. I am sooooooooooo not gonna check if it got any hits. I read Seanan's Twitter to look at cat pictures, which led to my finding out someone else has read it. That said, Seanan's reaction was "Holy shit, this site." So flattered! Well, one good thing today, I suppose.

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