This entry was intended to be some kind of liveblog and then I never got around to doing that. Ah well.

So I’m watching the streaming Hugo Awards tonight. Normally I don’t really give much of a crap about award stuff, but the whole Sad Rabid Puppies drama has annoyed me enough to care about watching the awards to see if good triumps over evil.

After the Death (from Discworld) and Redshirts opening, it was... well, award shows are boring, and take forever to start, and jeebus it’s 9 p.m. WHEN DOES THE DRAMA START ALREADY, THIS ISN’T THE FUCKING OSCARS WHY ARE YOU KILLING TIME AND HAVING THE HUGOS BLESSED.

Rabbi Robert Silverberg comes up to bless the event and tells us all about the Berkeley con in the 60’s where there was tear gas and weed and Hari Krishnas. He shakes his tambourine and chants the Hari Krishna chant. “Now don’t you all feel better? Let’s do it again.”

They bring up the guy who designed the base of the award to talk. Why? WTF? “Scalzi told me it looked like an armadillo, so let’s go with that.”

Here we go. Presumably starting at 9:10 p.m.

Campbell Award:
Puppies total: 0
Actual good writer winning something: 1!
Wesley Chu has on a star pin and a rainbow striped tie. Love it. He will get political! He’s running for GOP presidential candidate! The dude presenting the award has ZERO idea what to say to kill time as they wait around for Mur to emerge with a crown for Wesley.
He gives up and shakes a tambourine. They give up on Mur and just crown the guy anyway.

Oh, David Gerrold has a rainbow bow tie. Why did I not notice it?

9:17 p.m.: actual Hugo awards to be handed out. “Enough witty banter, David, let’s go!”

Best Fan Artist had no Puppy nominees, so woot! Anyway, someone won so good for her.

Best Fan Writer: the lone non-Puppy wins! 0/3! She has blue streaks in her hair, lovely. She talks about women getting abused online and thanks GRRM for signal boosting her. “There is room for all of us here.” She talks about disrespect in the community. Go Laura.

Best Podcast: Galactic Suburbia. 0/5

Best Fanzine: Journey Planet. 0/6. The girl in the best dress later puts on a Fred Flintstone short to give a speech for a missing person.

This Austrian girl who won a scholarship is reading ALL the awards--presumably no one else would do it--and she pronounces “semiprozine” ...interestingly.

Anyway, Best Semiprozine: Lightspeed wins. 0/7! “I’d like to thank the patriarchy,” says a girl with flame hair and a lovely shawl. Nina, I guess. In charge of the “____ Destroy Science Fiction” things, I gather, so good for her.

Oh, I guess we’re done with the Austrian girl and her accent now. Who’s left?

Best Related Work: NO AWARD! The cheers! 0/8! The tambourine is shaken. GRRM said himself if No Award doesn’t win here (all Puppy), it won’t win anywhere. So, huzzh!

Now the rolls of the dead, sigh.
And now the mandatory bylaws appearance by Connie Willis and the random tangent she will wander onto. She talks all about the things that can go wrong with the Hugos, down to a freaking broken award for Samuel R. Delany. She also relates the quote:
“My balls didn’t fall off, but my toilet seat broke.”
She razzes Gerrold for basically thinking of her as comedy relief and commenting on tangents. You can do a good job and still have things go to hell! Vague reference to Harlan Ellison that she cuts off.
“I wrote down my speech so I wouldn’t go off on a tangent...I got a rabies shot so I won’t get bitten by a bat again...” while she hasn’t gone vampire yet, “I’ve had this insatiable desire to read the Twilight books....” which are the best, most literary novels she’s read and why didn’t they all win Hugos?
“This year you could be bitten by a rabid marmot, or some random man could come up to you singing Hare Krishna...” or we may have to evacuate Spokane due to fire...or there could be some problem with the nominations themselves. Heck, in Brazil people claim they’re having novels written by channeling. Connie hands out Medals of Honor to the emcees.

“Please God, let there be winners. Did I say that out loud?”

Best Graphic Story: Ms. Marvel. 0/8!
Best Editor, Short Form: NO AWARD! 0/9!
Best Editor, Long Form: NO AWARD! 0/10!

“Man, it’s like juggling hand grenades up here.”

Best Professional Artist: Julie Dillon, 0/11!

The next presenter is a Dalek. Gerrold (dressed as several Doctors) whips out a sonic screwdriver and prevents him from taking out everyone, even the nominees who didn’t win and Scalzi. The Dalek says he likes Scalzi, exterminate him. “I do have a list of people, but I’ll talk to you later.”

“My eye is up here, David. Are you looking at my bumps?”

Best Dramatic Presentation, Short Form: Orphan Black.

The Dalek says, “This is enjoyable.” Despite losing.

Best Dramatic Presention: Long Form: Guardians of the Galaxy. Technically a slate winner, but I don’t think it counts as much for movies.

1/13, I guess.

Gerrold tells the Dalak to leave, and it says, “That’s okay, I must urinate.” Oh lord.

“Let’s hand out some more trophies and get out of here, there’s some parties to go to.” -Gerrold

Best Short Story: No Award! 1/14!

“Applause is appropriate, booing is not.” Nobody was booing.

Best Novelette: The Day The World Turned Upside Down. 1/15! Puppies continue to lose! The winner does not want to be woken up at the crack of dawn where he is in Europe, Pat Cadigan is amusing me reading his speech for him.

Best Novella: NO AWARD! 1/16! Huge applause.

Best Novel: “You think anyone really cares about that?” Actual presenter is an astronaut doing it from the ISS, for fuck’s sake. HOW THE HELL DID THEY GET HIM THE NEWS UP THERE? Three Body Problem wins. 1/17!

I feel better about humanity now.

“That’s the asterick for this award. We. Made. History.”

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