Chaos Attraction

Labor Day Hallmark Movie Reviews

2014-09-02, 2:50 p.m.

Okay, it looks like I didn't update since mid-month. So here we go:

(a) The plague is gone, huzzah.

(b) My mosaic class has gone so-so. One person apparently didn't like me from the getgo and never returned (sigh), and another one, well, I think his SO dragged him along because he didn't do much and hasn't shown for the last few weeks. And another person wasn't there for the first two weeks and THEN came in--but happily, she was an enthusiastic student and already knew how to cut class so she didn't need all that much help. So I basically had three people who were into the class, but all but one of those remaining said she can't come to the last week. On the last class, the remaining person and her boyfriend came--he watched the demo and then left. Ooookay then. Well, she at least finished her piece and it was lovely, so there you go.

(c) Mom has introduced me to a new friend of hers at work who's around my age, Angelica. We all get along splendidly. We went to the Scottish Games with her on Labor Day weekend and had a good time. I got a rainbow top hat, a rainbow-y sweater and a bodice/fake corset, and Angelica got a kilt.

(d) Other than that, I spent Sunday of Labor Day weekend lounging around watching MORE HALLMARK CHANNEL MOVIES and Monday I spent going to lunch with Jackie and going to tapping class. (Yes, we had class on Labor Day. Three of us returned from parts unknown, one from Burning Man. We're motivated.)

Which leads to....


I Married Who? Kellie Martin is one of those uptight, rigid chicks who doesn't want to drink even at her Vegas batchelorette party. However, SOMEHOW she got the rum drink and next thing you know, she eloped with the random movie star hanging out in the bar, Matt. How this happened is never really made clear to anyone, which made me wish someone had come up with some security footage of whatever drunken bonding moments Jordan (Kellie) was having with Matt.

The first hour of it is pretty much the agony of Jordan trying to get an annulment and Matt's agent saying he'll take care of everything, but not doing so because the elopement boosts Matt's movie career and his "rookie cop" movie into the stratosphere. Meanwhile, Jordan's fiance is generally insufferable and eventually breaks it off with her, thank goodness. Eventually Jordan and Matt start hanging out and having fun. After Matt finally puts the kibosh on the agent's shenanigans and gets a proper annulment, he immediately asks Jordan to go hang out with him at his parents' house. So yes, they did dating in a backwards kind of way. But it's sweet and gets to be more fun after awhile, so yay for that. I also deeply enjoyed the interview in which he praises his now ex-wife while saying that his movie was totally lame. Hah.

How To Fall In Love: The guy who played the rich stud on Ugly Betty is playing an accountant nerd with huge nerd glasses. He is a Hollywood Nerd who never got over his high school nerdiness. He is pondering getting a dating coach when he's re-introduced to the oblivious girl he had a crush on in high school. She's fallen on hard times (i.e. waitressing and living with her sister) and volunteers herself as a dating coach. She is very good at it, I have to say. And yes, the contacts and updated wardrobe are nice. Harold is a nice dude, albeit of a quieter variety and you can kind of see why the various dates he has are getting bored. He is mildly interesting, but nice and quiet and old school. But the high school crush starts enjoying him, so there you go. Worked for me.

The Makeover: This is kind of a male Pygmalion movie, but with sad elements. Julia Stiles(!) is a political candidate in Boston who lost to a TV weatherman because, guess what, he's the kind of guy you want to have a beer with and Hannah...isn't. She works in education and is well, Julia Stiles. Amusingly enough, she points out that 73% of his forecasts are wrong....and ten minutes later he gets struck by lightning while waving a flag around and dies.

Special election time! But instead of running again, Hannah and her partner (Camryn Manheim) pick a scruffy big guy with a severe case of Bahston Accent, clean him up and go through a course of the Harvard Yard In My Car accent work, and put him up for Congress instead. Because, guess what, he is literally the kind of guy you'd have a beer with. Which just made me sad that a capable woman (and yes, it's pointed out to her that her being female is A Problem that they can't fix) with tons of knowledge can't get elected, but any ol' random white guy bro can.

I watched a scene where he made her go bowling, she fell on her ass and it got a billion YouTube hits immediately, which is followed up by an interview about how doesn't it suck to not be the candidate any more, and btw, your ass is on YouTube. It was bumming me out. Ditto the part where a coworker of Elliot's say that if he can juggle three empty mini beer kegs, he's totally qualified for Congress. I need a drink.

Elliot loses, but he's fine with it. Of course, this leads to the women making drunken cracks about how they're going to release their charge back into his natural habitat....which are funny but mean as hell when he overhears them. Ouch.

I do like the speech where Elliot says that the biggest effect of the makeover on him was that he gets treated differently. No matter what, Colleen always treated him like a gentleman, but Hannah always treated him like an experiment. "For crying out loud, I treat everybody that way!" Hannah busts out....and then OOPS. She runs out. Elliot's sister slaps him and tells him to go after her, but I'm thinking, "Uh, he was totally right, maybe he shouldn't go after her. He does anyway, and he suggests that she run for mayor because she has great ideas, she just needs better people skills. And all of the videos of her online are now making her...gasp! "someone I'd like to have a beer with." She just needs someone to teach her how to have a beer....

Okay, I kinda like the ending of that. Yes, let's put Hannah back as a candidate, dammit.

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