Chaos Attraction

Missing Cat and Dumb Pete Davidson Jokes

2020-09-04, 8:12 p.m.

recently on Chaos Attraction
No - 2020-09-09
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The St. Francis Trick - 2020-09-05
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Cast list as of November 2019

Work made me tired. We got sent three long "error reports" that frankly, made no sense to me and I have no idea what the "errors" even ARE on this. Like I was brain dead exhausted by 2:30, I had to start in on eating more of the lasagna from last night because my energy was down the toilet. I'm still exhausted right now--I was going to work out after work, but hah, no--and I'm still hungry and having to raid the peanut butter for something more substantial than the vegetarian lasagna. (Honestly, this sort of thing is why I can't go full veg. Occasionally there's issues with all-vegetarian eating with me.)

Though on the good news side: (a) boss thinks hiring the new person will be done in about a week and a half. (b) my coworker's dog is doing a lot better. (c) After compiling a long-ass list of problems with one other office, I passed that off to my coworker with the dog's husband and he said he actually figured out what was wrong with those. So, whew, because i had no idea.

PG&E is asking us all to lay off on power usage this weekend again. Guess it's a good thing I cooked that lasagna last night.

I signed up for something like five things tomorrow to distract me. I haven't seen that much to do on Sunday (though I have to leave the house that day anyway...sigh) but I am going to finally do an escape room. I am still finalizing the list of things to do on Monday.

I also finally finished this dress tonight. Huzzah. It looks really cute.

Note: the rest of the entry below this is about what I watched tonight, but I feel very stupid and petty adding the end of this entry to after that even if it's sequential. I will just say that after watching the movie I mention below, I texted Scott to make some silly movie jokes and then found out that one of his cats (which at this point, except the injured one, are all living outdoors so they don't mess up the house) hasn't been seen since Tuesday and he's been crying about it. And it's a hugely busy time at the store over the weekend and nobody else is working weekends (and they haven't had time to work on hiring since the house burned down) so that's a crap time.

Now I really feel like I can't do anything over text.

Well, I did some things. I did the St. Francis request to bring back lost pets--hey, it's worked with neighborhood pets before--I tried some quickie spell off the Internet, and I emailed Shanna to see what she can do on her end. I may try enlisting Redhead Sarah tomorrow morning, I assume she isn't up this late these days so did not try her tonight. Not that he believes in this stuff because Muggle and probably thinks I am a crackpot (well, I am), but I had to try something. And you never know. Maybe in the morning the kitty will find her way back to the new house...hopefully she's not trying to find her way back to the old house or ran into wildlife or anything.

Now I really feel bad for him. Not to mention kinda asinine for making dumb Pete Davidson jokes earlier.

Tonight I rented The King Of Staten Island (down from $20 to 5, so I guess it worked out that I didn't get around to it faster). It's probably worth about $5?

Actual review: Pete Davidson* is about like Pete Davidson. Has Crohn's, smokes weed all the time, knows he's mentally ill, has ADD, dropped out of high school, couldn't concentrate, wants to have a restaurant/tattoo parlor even though everyone else this this is terrible.

* look, I know his character's named Scott after his real life dad, but...y'know, it's Pete Davidson had he not managed any kind of career and they're open about that.

Soooooo... the movie starts with him nearly crashing his car deliberately and then saying "I'm sorry."

* Ways to let off steam in this movie: go to the spa, get a therapist, get your nails done, murder somebody (i.e. they are watching The Purge).
* "The Purge is not enough for you?" "No!"
* "I've never been jerked off by any of my friends."
* Announcing that a guy has chlamydia. Classy folks here.
* "We talk about his dead dad all the time! Knock knock! Who''s there? Not your dad!"
* Pete, it doesn't work to give those weaselly answers when you already pork a girl.
* Honest answer: he's not okay,
* "I just thought she looked really good in those pants." Excuses, excuses, Pete. * "Her phone camera's broken but she sent me all these photos." I nth the "catfish" remark on this one.
* "He looks like he fucking sells crack under the bridge." This is absolutely true.
* "If you have money, why would you ever live in Staten Island?"
* "You know who went to Harvard? The Unabomber. You know who went to Temple? Bill Cosby." Bwahahahahah.
* "No one wants to go to restaurant and get tattooed while they eat! It's GROSS!" * "Are you probably going to hurt yourself?" "Probably!" "You should be worried."
* One thing I have always appreciated about Pete: blunt honesty. (I know he's playing another character and all, but.... thinly veiled, y'all.)
* "I work in an emergency room."
* "You could probably handle a good pillage."
* "Look, Fat Kanye, shut your damn mouth."
* "You're talking about us. Right in front of us."
* "We're like the only people New Jersey looks down on."
* "He made ice cubes out of milk. He was so classy."
* "No, I'm not going to let you tattoo me again." "Your work is mad inconsistent. Obama ain't right." "I ain't got no black friends any more."
* Oh lord, one of them has a cat butthole tat on his belly button. Did you sterilize ANYthing to do that? These are so the guys at the Gas n' Sip.
* A kid walks up, says he wants a tattoo, and Pete is fine with this? "Don''t worry, dude, this will be on you for the rest of your life." SERIOUSLY, KID, THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T HANG OUT WITH STRANGERS.
* "This is why i don't fuck with millennials, dude." "We ARE the millennials."
* "I regret my friendship with the guys."
* "Your son was down in the woods giving free tattoos." "He said he was 18." "HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S FOUR, YOU FUCKING MORON!" (Kid is 9) This is a ludicrous movie. I am laughing a lot.
* "I'm not a middle aged man, I'm a 24 year old man, and I'm going to my room because I fucking want to."
* "I thought I would get away with it. I thought he was at least 15."
* "I think I'm just stupid." Yes, yes you are. Seriously, girl, I realize the pickins on this island are slim, but if you move, you can do better.
* "I should have invited you to the party! I didn't realize it was a life event!"
* "My kid's being a fucking lunatic."...
* "He did the second worst thing you could do to a kid in the woods."
* "Is that a cocker spaniel?" "No, that's my daughter."
* "Kermit smoking a joke? I don't remember that episode of Sesame Street."
* "If the worst he ever did is a couple of tattoos...." Seriously, the kid (Harold's) dad is so trying to get into Pete's mom's pants that he's buttering her up by saying nice things about her totally dumb kid. Damn.
* They literally make people fight for their tips. "For the next 15 seconds, this friendship is OVER." "I don't think Jesus would want you to kick my ass." That was fast.
* "Why are you dating him secretly, you little slut?" It's actually rather sweet, the way he delivers that line. "I hope you're getting banged out really good." I'M GONNA TRY THIS OUT ON MY MOM ;)
* "What's postcoital?" "It's post-fucking, but it's your mom so I'm gonna be nice."
* "I'm real sorry for branding your kid."
* I'm not even going to recount the idea of Pete spitting in the food.
* "How do you like the job here?" "IT EATS ASS."
* "That's awesome. I'm glad you got laid a lot at your pizza place."
* I will not repeat Pete's definition of Crohn's.
* "Would you ask the kids of that lady who died in space if they want to be an astronaut?"
* "You're gonna make me babysit your kids? I do drugs!" "You know I'm a fucking bum, right?"
* Cut to Ray's ex-wife being told that Pete is gonna walk the kids to school. He totally agrees that this is a bad idea. "Are you a weirdo?" "Oh, the weirdest. Nobody's weirder than me." "See, a weirdo wouldn't say that, a weirdo would deny it." "I'm pretty sure he's not weird, but I could be wrong."
* "Have a great day at school, I hope it's not shitty."
* "I know Ray a little bit, he's kinda BANGING MY MOM."
* I'm not sure I get the point of apprenticing where you are the bitch of the tattoo artist, doing his car errands, for no pay and no touching people.
"She's not even wearing any underwear. She's going to burn her pussy."
* "You look like an anorexic panda." Yeah, pretty much.
* "So we're robbers now, that's our future?" This may possibly be where Pete draws the line? It is!
* Of course he brings up the time when Pete made him touch his nuts because he thought he had cancer.
* Pete, don't draw a butthole on the wall. This will not get you laid.
* "She gotta like, peruse some dick." "Mom doesn't need to peruse some dick." * "So Ray is Baby Hitler?"
* Uh-oh, he just joined in the heist. And was too busy playing games on his phone to be lookout.
* Yeah, great time to actually physically CALL your friends. While they are being shot at.
* "My mom hasn't gotten laid in 17 years, so the bar is pretty low."
* "He's got a beautiful cock. It's his only attribute."
* Two losers arguing over who's the bigger loser. This is going to go swell.
* Margery does the sensible thing and kicks both bums to the curb. Go Margery. * And whaling on electronics you can't replace is also going to go well.
* "You were the lookout who didn't look out."
* "You better look out for Sprinkles" (the cat, for 3-5 months).
* That catfish girl is real?!
* "Did you just fuck me for shelter?"
* "Thank you for the sex. It was wonderful. Until you started talking."
* "Dip your weed in NyQuil, you fucking addict."
* Uh....they have to do #2' s at Dunkin Donuts down the street?!
* "I got this one to impress a girl." "How'd that work out. "Not good. We been together 18 years."
* So Pete basically becomes the maid of the fire department.
* I will not repeat the intricacies of bedbug sex. "And you know who's there ironically, in the end? The bedbugs."
* "Why do I have to clean this thing anyway? It's just going to get fire on it." "You trying to show up all sexy to a fire?"
* I love how the fire guys get their living space sopping wet all the time just squirting Pete. I guess they''re just making sure he takes a shower.
* When did Pete learn to draw?!
* I love how his mom just laughs at him when he claims he worked really hard. "Eat a dick, Joy!" "I had one for breakfast, I'm full." Then Mom locks him out of the house. Muahahahahah.
* "If you don't get scared, there's something wrong with you. Your dad was never scared."
* "If you didn't know him, you'd think he was a crackhead." -on Pete's dad, "he got away with so much shit because he was so freaking likable."
* Welp, you know things have just gotten weird when Ray wants a tattoo.
* "You're just saying this because you're drunk, right?"
* (On tattoos) "This relaxes you? You ever think of taking a yoga class?"
* "My vape exploded in my pocket...."
* "Tell my sister I know she's my mother."
* I do not know what to make of Ray's ton of back tattoos. Well, at least one of them is sweet.
* "Dad really loved watching cartoons with you because he was tripping all the time." "Sounds like a good dad to me."
* I'm not sure if I root for him to get together with the girl or not? Like, it's sweet that he admits that he loves her and doesn't know what to say about it, but he's...y'know, him. Anyway, the movie just ends there. Hm.

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