Another blah day. Stayed in bed till noon. Read a book. Listened to audiobooks. Did manage to dredge through 90 minutes of walking. Felt tired all day.

I got a text in the morning saying that the package was out for delivery..and then a few hours later got another text saying it was at the post office. Whaaaaaaat? But by 6ish I got a text saying it's in the mailbox. Huzzah! Surprise gift accomplished, I hope he enjoys it. Whew. (Also, GO ST. ANTHONY!)

And in other news, the LNU Complex Fire is 95% contained, y'all.

Now back to depressionland here, I guess....

I had a Capital Storytelling Story Slam to go to at 5 but refused to tell a story (and they definitely had slots, but I don't think most people were in the mood because I recognized a lot of people but only 3 signed up and one was talked into spontaneously doing it). I could not put on Happy Camera Face today, even. Too tired. Then of course Loretta immediately emailed after to go, "Why didn't you tell a story?" I absolutely didn't want to no matter how many times they asked. I couldn't have even figured out which one to pick today. I just can't be funny or entertaining today.

Stories were: (a) A guy whose sister was doing weight loss--presumably in the 80's--and the guy wrote a letter to Richard Simmons about it. Richard called him up and wanted to visit the teacher...in her classroom, where he was of course the most enthusiastic. He also invited the family to be in an infomercial of his and go to Spago. They were told that Richard would be "late" and there were some Beautiful People in Spago ragging on them for not being anorexic, and they noticed that the waiter was snubbing them.... and then the guy noticed that THE WAITER WAS RICHARD SIMMONS. For those of you wondering if he could ever tone it down and go in disguise, yes, he could. Amazing.

(b) A guy who uh....told a sexual story about strawberries and bananas being turned into a smoothie. I don't know what to say about that.

(c) Betsaida, hosting the event, told a story about growing up Pentecostal and "feeling the spirit" (at one point her dad just hit a kid and didn't even notice the kid crying...and the mom was all "feeling the spirit!") and feeling weird about teaching workshops in that.

A fourth girl was talked into telling a story about a Polaroid camera, but I didn't hear it because Mom called to yell at me for not responding to her texts. Somehow she has started sending texts to my iPod (which has a tinier screen, so that's annoying to read) and not my phone and she blames it on me and kept telling me to look at "Messages" on my phone, which doesn't exist because it's an Android, and she didn't believe me because she never does and basically just kept yelling at me. All I could figure out to do was to turn off messaging on the iPod, and then she got mad because she couldn't send texts, even after I turned it back on. Hell if I know. I think it's her phone but of course she doesn't believe me. Sigh.

After that, I watched "Insects, Arachnids, and Fellow Travelers" because Seanan McGuire was doing it and if you can ever heard weird wildlife stories out of her, you should. She was on with the Bug Chicks.

* Seanan got into purple pillbugs at age 6. She mentioned seeing babies inside them, "And that was the worst thing I had ever seen, and that was incredible."
* Seanan loves mantises ("tiny murder machines") and had so much fun breeding 70 of them in elementary school and them ending up all over the school . "My teacher was less than thrilled with me, especially when they started killing and eating each other." They ended up with down to six mantises, one female...and all the males sacrificed themselves to her at the end of the year during mating season. They are now banned from Mountain View Elementary.
* "I make mealworm tacos. I make superworm tacos." -Kristie Reddick, Bug Chick.
* She also has a tarantula named Beyonce. They brought her out for closeups of her tiny furry toes, eyes, and well, butt so you can see the spinnerets.
* Seanan: "Beetle penises are like the most amazing kitchen supply store you've ever. Everything is a single use tool. Like my dick is a cheese grater! Mine is a garlic press! Well, in the case of the bedbug, my dick is an ice pick!" They basically have weapons for penises." "They gave up on the vagina a long time ago and impregnate the female from above." it's even worse from there.... "All bedbugs are created from traumatic chest rape of the female." The females have a fake vagina that isn't connected to their reproductive system.... wtf? Her mother walked in to hear this and was traumatized.
* Seanan can't write a book about villainous insects because she likes them too much. "I just finished a book in which a character has an emotional support spider." (I'm guessing the next Sarah book in InCryptid.) "His name is Greg. He's great."
* "Don't hand train a black widow." -Seanan.
* She also has a mantis called Asshole that refused to go on camera.
* Seanan told a story about a guy who saved a crocodile's life and the crocodile came and visited him every day for 30 years. On a biochemical level it's not the same, but they may love us.
* Seanan talked about owing Toby (her character October Daye) a debt because she made her up and if she forgets about her, she winks out of existence. Awww.
* Dragonflies scoop out other males' sperm and flick it out.

From Seanan's Twitter feed after this: "TIME FOR A DRAMATIC RECREATION OF TRAUMATIC BEDBUG INSEMINATION!"

I also ended up watching a video of corgi getting groomed and its butt being blow dried. Now I am looking at spider ass. THIS IS MY LIFE NOW. I HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO DO WITH MY LIFE THAN LOOK AT ANIMAL AND BUG ASS ON THE INTERNET.

Later that night I watched "In Love and Warcraft." which I guess is a partnership between SF and Alaska? That's a new one.

I opened it a half hour early as per their instructions and they had a pre-show of a radio station ("The Love Hour") going on, playing Carly Rae and that song with the "sweat dripping out my dirty laundry." Wow, it's been forever since I heard that one and I did not miss that lyric! Then on to "I Kissed A Girl," which went out to "Kitty, from the girl that you kissed at the TriDelt party. She wanted you to know that she liked it." There was another dedication to Raul from Monica, wanting to know why he ignores her texts. Hmmmmm. They then had a commercial in which a lady told a guy to wear a mask and the guy without a mask realizes he's risking everyone, including his family and his dog. Hah. Then they did another "standoff" commercial between the same two characters, in masks, a whole lot farther apart than six feet while some kind of intimidating standoff music played. They say hello to each other from a distance, she says she's been staying home, and they have a conversation while precariously circling each other so they can cross directions and keeping as far away from each other as possible and she literally runs away. Then he's all "That was Erica, right?" Love the mood music, as it were. They had trivia and cosplay shots and other slides going on the screen, which I appreciated.

The chat was on: "Hi (whoever)! How Are You???" "Sheltering." "Ditto!" They also did an ad for women to use lube on their first time and then played "Like A Virgin."

So it features, guess what, people playing World of Warcraft, and this girl Evie seems to be a relationship....advisor/expert or something? Basically a modern-day Cyrano writing apology texts/emails/messages/whatever for people. "Relationships aren't as complicated as they seem to be. You just have to know the right commands." To which her new client, Raul, is all "Really? It's that easy? His ex is Monica and he wants to get back together and she just dumped him for not responding to a text. Monica has A Temper and is Jealous and...ugh, one of those girls. They also have an off-and-on relationship..... Anyway, Evie has clearly never been in love before, so this gets awkward.

This is from her friend on wanting to break up with her boyfriend: 'He's a fucking weirdo." "Why?" "He said his fucking mother's name in bed this morning." WOW.

They had a hugging scene, in which the ladies' heads are cut off and one of them kissed the other's neck? Hmmmm. They are not very good at the cross-camera faking in this show. I did get amused when Kitty the girlfriend smacks Evie (in the middle off camera) when she finds out that Evie got Raul back together with his ex.

Anyway, Evie is sorta-online-dating some guy named Ryan she doesn't seem to like very much, who reacts poorly to finding out she likes Raul.

do not know what to make of the excerpt in which some girl has sex with a guy just to make her DivaCup fit. (Later during intermission, the guy dedicates "Love On Top" on the radio station to her.) Evie is apparently asexual if not aromantic, though she says she doesn't know and doesn't really seem to have any interest in doing it. "I just don't get the fascination about butts! Robert Burns never wrote about butts!" Evie yells. (She also claims Shakespeare never did, but at the start of Act 2 she's reading Shakespeare and complaining that yes, he did write about butts.) Kitty tries to make a move on her and is brutally disappointed. "I convert straight girls!" she yells. Then the show plays "I like big butts and I cannot lie...." There is a super awkward conversation between Evie and Raul about how she's not into sex and is into gaming and he's vice versa..and during intermission they play "I'll Make Love To You."

"What the hell advice can you give about relationships if you can't be in one?" Kitty says, which.... yeah.... There is a super awkward conversation Evie and Raul are having during watching Transformers 5, about him waking up with an erection and how she wants him to go have sex with someone else, and then the rest of the audience is all, "we're trying to watch a wholesome family film here," to which Evie is all "Yeah, and Megan Fox just took her top off."

Then cut to Evie going to the gynecologist saying that her vagina is broken. OH MY, CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SEEING A GYNECOLOGIST APPOINTMENT in a play in general, much less on Zoom. And when the gynecologist tells her she had an orgasm, WTF?

Evie talks with Charlotte, an engaged client who can't write her own vows and has been saving herself for marriage. Later, the wedding is just done in voiceover on a black screen. (How very Linda/Robin Hood.) Then Evie goes over to Raul's house all dressed up as her avatar, having decided to have sex with Raul.... except now Raul and Kitty have just had sex after running into each other in the bar. Hey Raul, telling your newly ex-girlfriend that she's dressed like a freak isn't going to help your case anyway....Seriously not liking Raul much. Like I sympathize with trying to figure out how to date an asexual, but still.

Some of the show actually takes place in WoW at this point.
"So real life didn't turn out well, did it?" "Real life sucks." "I hear ya."
I give Kitty points for taking up WoW to talk to Evie again. "/hug?" "/hug." And Raul's in there too! In the end, she's only turned on while IN WoW, I guess? I like the dance party ending to "Holding Out For A Hero," btw. And then they have a WoW version of the song playing during the credits! "I Need A Healer," har.

Overall, the plot is okay-ish, the staging of bodies together isn't great, but .... I'm not asexual, just have a friend or two along those lines (I don't think I am gonna ask Shanna about this), but they bring up the topic and then are all suddenly "oh, she's fine to have sex now!" outta nowhere at the end? What is the point of having this asexual plot? I don't get it.

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