Chaos Attraction

The Waiting Room

2019-09-25, 7:25 p.m.

Not much to say about today. Nobody did a lick of my work while I was gone (I was greeted by Lioness along the lines of “Everything has been on fire here and we are nine days behind and I couldn’t do any of your stuff”) and the usual is going on. I decided to work my way through the simple shit first and that means I still haven’t answered 99% of my emails (which are the worst shit). Sigh. The week is gonna be like that.

But hey, at least I got my fan fixed. I went back to CVS and the guy managed to get the cap off and fix the fan in about 2 minutes. Huzzah, since it’s 100 degrees out.

I sent an email last night about the Little Shop trip, mostly to find out from Jean wtf was going on with this carpool thing and she wrote back to say that she was just planning on driving alone with Sarah, not to run a carpool for all herself. I wrote her back privately to say something like “huh, I thought Robert said he was riding with you” but haven’t heard back on that one. I admit I’m still curious as to what the hell was going on there. I at least got around to notifying Mark we’re coming, so there’s that. Seriously I am not gonna organize SHIT with other people for like, months after this. Robert can do the next escape room organization as far as I’m concerned even if it's in my town. I feel like such a nag and I’m probably going to have to send more nags about what time and when everyone is going and blah blah blah....gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Jean also sent out an invite to everyone in TnT to go to the karaoke bar for a band she likes tomorrow and a few folks from TnT I don’t see much said they’d go, so I might go if I don’t feel like complete roadkill after work then. Vaguely discussed it with Robert last night along the lines of “even though the band is done by the time you’re out of rehearsal, I assume everyone else may still be hanging out for a bit if you want to drop by,” but...probably not, right? Of course not.

I have a lot of things I want to do in the next few days, it’s hard to pick one. There are like 5-6 plays I want to see and have to cram in within the next few weeks that overlap with each other. I’m going to go to a play both Friday and Saturday nights and festivals the rest of the week and I still need to figure out writing stuff... hm. I don’t want to say “writer’s block,” especially since I just finished reading a book that was basically wrecked by the narrator’s writer’s block going to ridiculous levels of self-sabotage and I’ve never been that bad, but I am not feeling what I want to write about as much, and what I want to write about isn’t baked and done yet. I tend to think writer’s block at times may be about not wanting to write what you should write or be writing, or that you want to be doing/writing something else.

In other news, I have decided not to volunteer at the CC this fall. I have been putting this off till the dead last minute, literally. Last night I emailed the coordinator to ask if there were shifts left (yes) and then I didn’t want to get back to her and I felt all oogy and bad all day about the topic and I finally came to the conclusion that might be a psychic thing, I just kept feeling like there was some reason why I should be keeping my schedule free. Which is dumb because yeah right, I did not get into that play, duh. I was planning on not returning if I had rehearsal all season, and now I have no excuse, and I still don’t want to.

I chatted with Mom about it and she asked how it’d been going lately and I said I used to love it until I got into plays and then going to the CC felt like a slog, and I haven’t had any friends around on shifts and I’ve either been the only one on shift or the only other one is being a flake and it just hasn’t been so fun. I’d rather be in plays now even though right now that’s still not an option. I wish it was. I seriously still wonder if I should believe Robert on this since he actually knows the lady and what’s likely to happen (am also debating texting Redhead Sarah to ask if she thinks that is plausible), but then there’s reality and knowing how my life goes.

Tarot card draw on this question got the Ace of Cups, which would be exactly what I’d want to hear on the hope front. But who knows. Every time I draw the Lovers as a daily draw, nothing happens, after all.

I am not fond of this limbo waiting period of life, I am not enjoying it so much. I feel like I’m in phase 3 of the theater universe, labeled “The Waiting Room” or something. I’m just waiting around for the next step of...whatever. I thought the waiting would end right about now, but it's still fucking going.


Not signing up at the CC just paid off: heard from Anita, offering me an extra role. Couple of scenes at the start and that's it, but hey, that's something :)

Welcome to Phase 4, y'all. Finally.

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