2011-10-14, 4:25 p.m.
recently on Chaos Attraction
So, following up from this entry awhile back...
I didn't really do anything regarding joining the new group. Mostly I just couldn't get over feeling weird about the whole situation. Like I was fine with people when they were there in person, but alone at home, I went back to feeling confused, weirded out, mad, etc. It was not pleasant. I eventually decided that come the fall, I'd start attending classes again and just see how things went. So I have and the class I went to was fun so far, has interesting people, etc. I have told some former class attendees I hang out with that it's back, so at least one of them will probably return.
And I do believe that the ex-mentor wants to be friends again. I (or me + Merry when she's there) have been hanging out with her after class on Wednesday and after my volunteer shift Thursdays, and I went out for drinks with her last week. She told me about grad school (huh, that is a lot less regimented than I thought), I told her about moving, which got the most enthusiastic reaction out of anyone so far. Not like that, hah.
With regards to the new group...I am not able to join it after all, as it turns out. Since I was conflicted on the issue anyway (really, should I be joining anything new when I am leaving in a year?), I guess it doesn't matter that much. Or something. But see below as to why this probably is.
However...I get the impression that ex-mentor has been having some kind of... relationship issue?...going on for the last year that might explain a lot of things. Namely, that her SO is "done" with the likes of me and most of everyone else in the original group, so, ah... well, I won't be going over to her house any time soon (not that I could with the lack of car and all). This is rather surprising, in its own way, but my shrink pointed out that it was none of my business and I shouldn't take it personally. People friend-dump all the fucking time, after all, that's just another example of it. And I am pleased that ex-mentor (I seriously can't recall if I mentioned her name on here or not? Probably not?) wants to come back, at least. Yay for that.
She also mentioned that my old driving instructor wanted to know if I was interested in doing car-related stuff, so I e-mailed her. But ex-mentor warned that she's had a death in the family, so I am not expecting to hear a reply on that.
As my shrink said, lowered expectations. Or really, I just shouldn't have any of anybody and take it as it comes in the moment. Enjoy it all while it lasts, however long or short that will be.