Chaos Attraction

Working While Incompetent, Day 4

2020-10-14, 8:03 p.m.

At the morning meeting, it was announced that the reason I was going to have to work during the break between Christmas and New Year's has been reasonably postponed until January. I'm not 100% sure if I am going to have to work then or not still, but at least it won't be enforced upon me, is what this boils down to. Though given the morning's discussion, I said that if anyone HAS to work (Grandboss keeps making noises about "services"), it might as well be me this year since I can't go anywhere or see anybody at all. It sounds like everyone else is going on VACATION!!!! anyway, mind you.... one person said she was going to have had to have managed technology from the beach (huh?). However, the giant org is Making Noises about Christmas furloughs, so we may not have to work anyway....and just be not getting paid, I guess. Nobody knows anything, of course. Someone asked if we should put in for vacation time and the answer was about "heck if we know."

....Yeah, I really don't look forward to being 100% alone for the family holidays, and said so, but Mom is just not gonna respect boundaries, plus how the hell would I see her? Stand outside on Roger's lawn in the cold and/or rain, afraid to take the mask off to eat as a family? There is no point in driving over an hour for that fun experience. I might as well work if someone has to, even though I don't want to. I want to have my legitimate time off without the workload making it worse, if possible, but at the same time, if I have to, this is the year.

No Emails, Day 4: Now I am getting multiple email complaints for not responding to the first batch of email emergencies on Monday. NOTHING I CAN DO, Y'ALL. I can't help you! No help! No help for you! Not even in an emergency! Which of course it is! You can't get help because I'm an incompetent idiot who can't be trusted with anything! I had to make my boss go over the emergency ones today. And the dreaded followup meeting has been scheduled for Friday, after my ombuds call. Since I am clearly not doing any better on the emails (80% of them are getting corrected), and I can't do anything right at all, I assume this will continue forever.

God, I hate myself so much. I just can't do anything right, even the slightest of things. All day long I have to think about how horrible I am and I can't forget about it every time I have to send an email that I can't send, I'm hampered in doing my job and there's a pile of shit piling up I can't do (I had to tell Lioness I can't write any email after she asked if I could just start answering emails already, whee), people are getting upset at me which leads to badness.... Just wishing for death, every workday. Maybe I should just go out and catch the virus already.

They sent out a survey for the giant org about what it's like to work here. (Probably because at some point I saw some article about how a lot of people have voluntarily left....unshocked!) I pointed out that while working for a giant org in general is really great and spoils you for the rest of the work world, it depends entirely on your individual office as to your actual happiness at working here. Does my job fit me as a person? Heck no and it gets worse every year on that. It used to be fine but now I just don't fit what they want. I wanted to laugh at questions about are we excited about the giant org's future (um, why?! Coronavirus? Impending furloughs! My impending firing?) and is there anything this survey can do to help. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA I WISH. I said what we need is more tech support.

So far we only have three positive cases at the giant org since "everyone came back." Huzzah! That's a bloody miracle!"

I did some outside walking/working on lines during breaks today, but Reggie came out at about 5:05 after work and I gave up on reading my lines outside since he did that. Not gonna get it done otherwise if he's chatting. I also unpacked the rest of my groceries.

In news of Mom, she texted to say that my cousins' cousin Randall's mother died (she was old, it was peaceful) and emailed the Robin Hood show to my cousin Linda. She hasn't watched it herself, of course. Linda's response: "This show was very different, but Jennifer was holding her own, which I thought was darn good. She has such versatility." Hahahahah. She also sent it to cousin Marianne(!), the response was " I really enjoyed seeing her singing and acting! She was very animated and seemed to really enjoy herself. During these crazy times how nice for Jennifer to meet new people and have an interest without subjecting herself to the covid-19 virus. Congratulate her for me!"

Note: apparently this is the email my mom is sending about: "Wanted to share the video of a virtual play Jen has been working on. She actually sings in this, had never heard her sing before! Since she has not really left her apartment since March 16 (only for 3 drs apts and having to drive her car to keep her battery going) so this is what is keeping her going. She is enjoying herself and “meeting” new friends thru this medium. Really fun for her!" " She has really been loving these productions. And I was blown away with her singing as well. She has not done this in the past. I am so glad she has this outlet to express herself especially since she is cooped up in her apt. Thanks for watching this."

After doing my lines, I watched Props to You: "Wait, Didn't We Vote On These Already?" a CalMatters presentation on the props that we've already voted on before, since I have no goddamned idea on the kidney thing.

Prop 14: keep doing stem cell research: They brought out old white guys to argue the pros and cons. The pros guy was all "My son died of juvenile diabetes, this can cure all sorts of things, and early intervention is important. I wanted to punch the SOB who was all "I'm FOR stem cell research, this just costs a lot of money." As someone who is highly likely to die slowly and horribly of some illness that could possibly be cured by stem cell research, FUCK YOU. He claims it has plenty of money and don't worry about Trump stopping it! The majority said they'd vote for stem cell research, thank god.

God, I'm so fucking sick of conservatives. Why can't we all just separate and create two countries: Hippieland and Bigotstan and just get it over with?

(Note: on a "hahahah universe laughing at me" moment, someone with Scott's uncommon last name asked a question during this thing. Not a relative, or that non-relative of his who used to stalk me around the Internet last summer.)

Prop 23: kidney dialysis clinics: This one brought on two kidney dialysis patients, on different sides. Whaaaat? Pro lady: been doing it for 12 years and quality of care has diminished, gotten infections, dirty clinics, patients pass out, she believes having a doctor around will save lives. Con (har) man: 10 years on dialysis, Thinks having a doctor is unnecessary and that nephrologists visit their patients there, they could hire ANY rando doctor who would not be involved in care, costs would cause some centers to close and/or make severe cuts. If you miss a session for whatever reason/have to go somewhere else, you may have to go to the emergency room.

Why do you need a doctor: Guy says they don't, they have a licensed medical director there already, 4-5 registered nurses. Pro lady: they can apply for an exception and get physician assistant/nurse practitioner instead if they can't get a doctor. Doctor will prevent deaths. Facilities are already cutting costs and taking shortcuts as is. "These clinics make four times more than a regular hospital." They can afford it, she says. The guy sounds like he has a great clinic, but "I'm lucky if I have two" nurses at hers. She said all kinds of shit happens and with no doctor there, they didn't realize she was stroking out, and nobody tells the ambulance drivers what is going on. WTF. "Con" guy is all "that does not happen at my clinic," "there's a shortage of doctors," particularly nephrologists, and then he starts telling a horror story of having to go to the ER where he got all kinds of bad/wrong treatment that nearly killed The bill should specify what type of doctor. (Well, good point.) .

Someone asked why isn't the state legislature regulating this: no shit. "Con" guy is all when you put this out to the general public, it's extremely dangerous and wrong and encourages union organization. This lost two years ago and they brought it back anyway. Pro lady points out again that they can get an exemption. Opposition is run by the dialysis industry.


Well, I am sold: I am voting yes on this. That helped a lot. In the poll, "yes" won, but not by a lot.

Prop 21: rent control. I didn't take notes during this because I was eating, but there's a lot of arguments about homelessness vs. "this doesn't actually do anything about homelessness." Most people are voting for rent control!

They have the rest of the presentations online that I did not go to (busy with play rehearsal last week) so I decided to watch. I still don't know what to think about affirmative action, rolled my eyes at a lady claiming that parole is part of the jail process and that parolees shouldn't vote because they haven't been paying rent lately and got free medical care, and I see no reason why 17-year-olds can't vote. I also wanted to nutpunch the guy arguing for Lyft/Uber to screw of their employees for being a weasel.

Anyway....I've now finished filling out my ballot and will drive it to a LEGITIMATE dropoff box on Sunday.

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