Chaos Attraction

Skipping the Holidays

2007-10-16, 3:26 p.m.

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In life news:

Ron made off with all of his stuff and Laurie was somehow shocked about it. My mom hasn't even wanted to talk to her yet, because she's thinking, "Um, DUH, WE TOLD YOU."

My friend's husband is getting out of the hospital today. She is not doing cartwheels of joy about it. Fuckadoodle.

However, there is some better news.

I decided, several months ago, that I don't feel like celebrating "the holidays" this year. I'm not particularly wanting to be around either side of the family any more. I don't feel like pretending I feel traditionally festive. All of the traditions I used to enjoy about the holidays have gotten destroyed by Dad's illness over the years, and there's nothing left. My family fries my brains. I just don't feel like doing any of it.

This year is going to be the OMG FIRST YEAR REALLY REALLY OFFICIALLY WITHOUT DAD, NOT JUST IN EVERYTHING BUT NAME ONLY year, and I'm not exactly expecting for it to not suck. I'm there to hold Mom while she cries, and that's it.

And if that's how it's going to go, well... I don't feel like shlepping to an aunt's house and pretending and piggybacking on someone else's day. Nor do I feel like knocking myself out for the entire month making handmade gifts for people who just don't care. I am not going to. Fuck it. I'll claim I'm too depressed to make gifts if someone asks, but I doubt anyone will notice.

I have been wanting to go elsewhere. I am not that particular as to where. Preferably not anyone's home in NorCal. Preferably not NorCal, period, but that's a stretch.

I told this to my shrink, but also said that since let's face it, this year I and Mom will not be parted, and she won't want to leave family, it wasn't going to happen. She was all, "Go take a trip before or after in NorCal if you have to." Makes sense. She suggested Nevada City, and I mentioned it to Mom, who is all for it.

But here's the thing: on Sunday, we were at Apple Hill in the bathroom line, having this conversation about the holidays. (She was pouting at a lack of attention from Aunt Susie again. I don't know why she is still surprised every time at this.) And I was all, "Do you want to spend the holidays with them?"



"...Because what else would we do?"

And, well... I think I have convinced her to go elsewhere for the holidays. She is going to see if the Hawaiian time share kicks in by Christmas, but she picked wanting to go to SF for Thanksgiving. She's already been told by someone or other that Ghiradelli Square's a good place to go for dinner...

I am crossing my fingers, but it looks hopeful that I'll actually get what I want on this one.

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