Chaos Attraction

Happy For You, Devastated For Me

2018-10-19, 8:09 p.m.

Well, my day was mostly very depressing and I am going to talk about it in reverse order. (Note that I am writing this on Sunday night recapping and some things have happened to influence this since then.)

At night: I drove down to the Bay Area to go see the silly farce "Don't Dress For Dinner," which is about a husband and wife trying to cheat on each other while still in the same house, and how the cook hired for the night gets mistaken for pretty much everybody and makes a whole lot of money off of all of their shenanigans. If you're into Noises Off, this is the same sort of thing. It was very distracting and I needed that and I think the actress playing Suzette had the best time. Afterwards we had a buffet because it was opening night.

We went to this with Mom's friend Pat (the dramatic one, not the one with the corgi), sort of, because Pat refused to get a ride with us and frankly, there seems to be Some Kind Of Drama going on there off and on for a few weeks/months. Mom said by the end of the weekend it was resolved.

Oh yeah, and Angelica finally got a new job and got to get the hell out of her old one. Ever notice how the good people can get other jobs and shitty people like myself cannot?

On the way home from work: I was walking home and ran into a girl that I taught a crochet class to once. I didn't remember her (she seemed fine with that) but she lives a few blocks down from me and well, apparently remembered me talking about my difficulties with work. She just started a new job and is already being bullied on week one and wanted to know how I've managed to survive it for so long. Answer: well, if you have no other options you can survive anything (or as my shrink would tell you, read "Man's Search for Meaning" for a good example of that). They obviously make fun of her behind her back and the supervisor knows about it because she asked if there was anything that this girl wanted her to do. I'm not sure what to tell her there.

I can't remember if I ever talked about this experience here--it was during the Lost Year of 2017 (I think?) and I can't find any mention of it at the moment-- but the last job interview I went on was for the same place Dawn works at, in a different department. I applied there because she wanted me to try her office, but she didn't know the supervisor there very well. It was rather weird--they wanted me to interview within 24 hours (awkward), and of the five people interviewing me, four of them only spoke when they absolutely had two. I asked about the office climate and the manager, well, she tried with that answer, I will say that. Stuff like "Well, I'm not UNhappy here..." and "We have a Christmas party..." But when I found out that all the angry people would be sent to me and I would have no managerial backup, I was all "nope, don't want this." They ended up hiring the person already temping for them, Dawn said later.

Well, apparently that didn't work out because this lady I was talking to today now got that same job. I'm in a bad situation myself (see below) but that was a big ol "well, dodged THAT bullet" moment. Everyone is already being mean on week one and you're never allowed to look at your cell phone or eat for even a second. Geeeeez. She was wondering how the hell to deal with this after just a week.

Amusingly enough, I ran into her again two days later when I ended up walking by her house when she was leaving it. I told her to try not to think about it, even if for me it's easier said than done on a Sunday night.

And today's bad news: my boss got another job and is moving to the other end of the state. Apparently they won't promote him here, so.... I'm happy for him and absolutely devastated for me. He said we'd still be friends, I can use him as a reference, etc. so that part is good. I told him to let me know if they had any jobs down there.

But I can't even overstate how much I am probably superfucked at this point.

1. Usually everyone is put under the supervision of one particular manager that everyone has a hard time with when anyone leaves (i.e. the one that fires people or has a lot of them quitting). I asked about this and he said they "probably" wouldn't do that because that manager has enough going on right now, but who knows.

2. They want to hire someone quickly. Now I dunno on how well they'd pull that off with the new regime, but I'm fucking terrified of a new manager that comes from the outside and doesn't know me. Who will likely be all "Let's have team meetings altogether and interact as a team! GO TEAM!" Or what will happen when the "anonymous person" finds out that once again I am fair game to do something else to to get me fired because I no longer have protection. And that's not even covering what happens if I get a bad boss that doesn't like me, i.e. I'm so fired. I've been lucky so far and these days in life it feels like my life, er, luck is running out as is to the point where my shrink thinks this town is out to get me. (Sounds dumb but uh, she might have a point with all the car vandalism and robbery and whatnot.)

And how the fuck am I going to explain that I'm a good employee but I manage to piss off my entire team every time I ever fucking speak at all to the point where I don't say "hi" or "bye" because that might piss them off too? And how everyone can't stand me? And how I'm trying and it's never ever good enough?

I'm so fired.

I don't even know what to do to save myself from this upcoming horror. How can this not end badly?

For the record, my boss says they don't hate me as much as I think and they are just put off by me speaking and they're "concerned" and I should ask them for help, I wouldn't ask them to put me out if I was on fire and they had fire extinguishers. I just don't think so. How could you not hate someone you literally can't stand to hear speak because everything she says is offensive to you?

Now I want to go drink again.

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