Chaos Attraction

I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues

2019-10-22, 10:56 p.m.

The following entry needs some fact checking for well, previous entries:
(a) Scott’s grandmother that just died was 100, not 95.
(b) Walt, the guy I have referred to as the “bar owner” apparently just owns the property, not the actual bar. Huh?
(c) The “bar owner’s” wife Cathy, according to Linda, was widowed last year. So we’re guessing she and Walt then? What is going on? We are all confused now. Even Sarah didn’t know those last two pieces of information.

I texted Scott after I got off work to ask if he ever got any news about the Badger/quitting situation. He said he ran into Matthew last night and he said it was all good. We reasonably assume that Badger being banned from all Tuesday night shows is probably because Badger went after Matthew’s mother. I was the first one there that night and asked Matthew when he was outside and he confirmed it. I asked if he thought they’d actually enforce it and he said well, if they don’t, he’s packing up and taking us all with him elsewhere!

So yeah, no Badger in the bar tonight. We are sort of assuming someone might have had a private talk with him since there wasn’t any like, bar invasion/fight going on or whatever.

We had some surprise guests tonight: my old director Linda and her husband Elliot came and had a great time. Linda said she’d heard Scott was a very good singer and wanted to hear him and where was everyone else and I said heck if I know but hopefully they’ll show up soon and indeed, they did (Scott came in about like a minute after I said that, followed by everyone else) and indeed, she was impressed and he got embarrassed when she said so. Heck, she even did a duet with Janene at one point, which was adorable. Janene also mentioned “Turn Around, Bright Eyes” to her, I love how this book has been going around. I told everyone that Heidi has the next show coming up and told Robert how the party went (“and then everyone broke out substances....”). His eyes bugged out a little. Yeah, me too!

Linda also got into the idea of karaoke enough to wonder if there were any plays out there that had karaoke in them, and was trying to remember a play she’d seen last year with lip syncing in it. I managed to track that down, because (a) as long as it’s on the Internet, (b) doesn’t require hacking, and (c) isn’t on Facebook, I can find almost everything. Then this morning I managed to find a bunch of karaoke theater/play shows, mostly along the lines of “karaoke murder mystery.” Since the yearly dinner theater show, other than the TnT year, is usually some kind of murder mystery, I think she will like that. She was thrilled to get the email from me with all of that in it! I am hoping that ends up being the show. Especially the one I saw involving the words “trailer trash.” I absolutely would do that one.

We also found out that next year’s Christmas show is going to be The Sound Of Music. I was all, “I dunno if I can sing but I could qualify to be a nun.” Scott laughed at that (make of that what you will under the circumstances). Sarah wants her kids in it (though I think they’d be a bit small still and neither of ‘em is a girl to play Liesl) and to actually nanny ALL the kids herself. All things considered I doubt I’d end up in an actual straight up musical and probably won’t audition...oh well, hopefully this show will get the Christmas show bug out of me, right?

Linda, Janene and I discussed the 10 minute play festival. Janene wants to audition, I said I’ll audition but who knows if I’ll ever finish my play idea. Janene said to write it out and then see if a better idea comes along, and she’s willing to look at it. We’ll see.

However, after all of this conversation, I’m now pondering writing a karaoke play. I mean, god knows there’s been plotlines (of sorts) during the six months* I’ve been doing this. And I guess the only real “competition” for this sort of thing is a bunch of murder mysteries and the movie Duets, which I guess sucked according to the reviews. Of course, if one bases things off of real life, that could lead to some interesting social awkwardness around one’s friends if one’s play is picked. Ahem. So uh....I’d have to think about that one. Robert suggested doing a 10 minute karaoke play and then I thought, “wouldn’t 2 songs take up most of the 10 minutes?” I’m also thinking if I just adapted the piece I was doing at the storytelling festivals/conference into something, that might work...but if I did that in public at this point, that would be Even Weirder regarding a certain someone. Oy vey. The joys of using your truth in your writing, y’all.

* I’m writing this on 10/23 and realized that it’s my six month karaokeversary.... yeah, like THAT’s a thing that clearly I just made up. It’s also almost been seven months since I auditioned for TnT. This whole thing has been going on for seven months?!

Quotes from the evening:
“You’re a star.” Frank to me.
“You’re a sweetie.” Cathy to me.
“I’m everybody’s biggest fan.” Cathy to Linda (guess they already knew each other)

I did “Wish I Knew You When I Was Young” a few weeks ago and it inspired another girl to do it. I was delighted and told her so. We basically squeed at each other.

Sarah found some rather broken (or at least it didn’t zoom successfully across the table) motorcycle toy and kept fooling with it and revving it over and over and over and over again. I declared it her new fidget spinner. At one point I asked if she was working out rage issues and she said, “I just want it to work!”

I did “Remedy” by Little Boots. Then after Sarah did “Like A Prayer,” I was inspired to do “Into The Groove” in response, also to do bouncy stuff in front of Linda. Everyone else did “Dammit Janet” while I was paying my bar tab. Thanks, folks. Grrr.

Walt usually does “My Way” (fun fact: a song that will get you killed in the Phillippines for....some reason), but Scott asked to do it and did, of course, an excellent job. I was slightly distracted by the time he got back to the table because I was talking to Linda about all the aforementioned play/karaoke stuff, but he was getting choked up and Janene went over and hugged him and I didn’t even notice until that. Which I feel bad about. They are going to play that song at his grandmother’s funeral (though he said he wasn’t going to sing it. That’s a shame), and I remember hearing the word “Saturday.” So I guess the funeral is Saturday after all.

I know this sounds fucked up, but it must be nice in a sense to still have emotions when people die? Seriously, I burned out years ago and I rarely feel any feelings on that stuff any more. Watching your father die slowly and excruciatingly for ten years will do that to you, I guess. Exhaustion.

Anyway. I feel bad that I wasn’t exactly comforting in a moment of distress, but there was an audience around, he probably didn’t want me to given the circumstances, etc. About the best I could come up with was to do “I Guess That’s Why They Call It The Blues” for my last number, if that makes any sense. Which it may not. It was what I could think of at the time. Who knows if he regarded it as such, but I did see him looking over at one point while I was singing and he normally doesn’t do that at all, so....again, make of that what you will. And I have been listening to that song on repeat all damn day (Wednesday while I’m writing) now. Sigh.

And hell, it’s not like I’m anything more to him to be able to do anything much about it, right? I’m not. I may be a “dear friend” per his own words, but...y’know, not like that. Even if we had another one of Those Moments of eye contact toward the end of the night, briefly. I’m not even sure how to describe that sort of experience if you haven’t done it yourself. There's just...something that doesn't go on with anyone else. Something that pulls you in, rivets you just looking at him at times. A warmth in the eyes. Or in this particular time, a kind of knowing that was just him and me and not anyone else.

I wonder what the hell he sees in my eyes. I would suspect a vacancy sign personally, but hell if I know there.

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