Chaos Attraction

Hallmark Movie Reviews: Divorce Drama and Dying Trees

2021-10-24, 7:13 p.m.

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Hallmark movies are back! I'm actually attempting to watch them as they come out instead of the usual late December cram. "Crashing Through The Snow" was apparently a "Christmas in July" one. Amy Acker (Maggie), a divorcee, is somehow invited along with her ex-husband to his new girlfriend Kate's "Aspen estate" so she won't be separated from her kids. Maggie's hot brother Sam has also flown in from Tokyo and is a bit annoyed that Maggie got assigned his room and private sauna. Then he wants to hire her for a job.

This is one of those "the girl is a total klutz" tropes, sigh. "I'm sure we can find something fun to do that doesn't involve skis, right?" In Aspen.
Maggie also gets to sing "Christmas Wrapping" a lot, at one point in a bathrobe singing into a candy cane.

Maggie's ex Jeff is...um, giving off gay vibes to me, so him with a new hotter girlfriend seems strange. He's also a wee bit resentful of Maggie being there. Just a wee. Of course, he's trying to propose at some point, so the ex-wife around might slightly be weird. When she finds that out she's all "why didn't you tell me?' and he's all "I thought Kate should be the first to know." Good point.

"I don't want to be the enemy! I want to be part of her family!" -Kate, the new girlfriend, who is All In on welcoming people. Which is sweet, albeit weird when Kate goes to get one girl's ears pierced and Maggie is disappointed. Anyway, a lot of the plot is polite passive fighting over who gets to play with the kids. As for me, I think it's very nice that all these people want these kids and to be with them and support them.

This movie features swimming in a very large spa in the rain/snow, which is just so weird. "Does this work on all the other women you brought here?"

I gather Jeff proposed off camera and one of the kids "runs away...." to a spa. There is one hilarious line about how Sam says that when he found out his dad was getting remarried, he hopped on a plane to Japan and the monks taught him everything he knew. Hey, at least the kid didn't leave the country, he says. Dad is all, "Is there anything you can't do?"

Kate actually asks Maggie for permission to join her family, also kinda indicating that Jeff asking her dad's permission wasn't really a thing that needed to be done.

Mostly I'm just bored with this one, though? Maybe it's just my malaise today, though Amy Acker is always a gem. Sam comes off as a bit...I dunno, smug, I guess? I don't think he's supposed to, I just wasn't into them as a couple (though certainly still an improvement from her ex--she admits it was a case of best friends marrying and they never really had any zing).

"You, Me and the Christmas Trees." Danica McKellar as an arborist romancing a farmer who has mysteriously withering trees. I note that it's a week before Christmas and all the pine needles are suddenly coming off after being cut and I'm all, wouldn't you need more lead time to fix a plant problem of that nature?

Anyway, she heads over to the farm and has some car trouble ("I hit her car." "That's a great start, Jack."), which puts off her having to go home to some gala in her hometown. I'm amused at her delivery of "Drat the luck!" He's all, "I feel like you're not really in a rush to go home."

I honestly have no idea what's wrong with the tree that was cut after 2 days, other than the color of it appears to be lime green rather than the usual forest green. Lime green tree? I thought the trees were suddenly losing their needles? Not that I'm an arborist. Anyway, Olivia is there to work, but the cidery people are immediately hitting her up to try samples. I will note that tree stuff....takes awhile in this movie. Like at one point people just sit there and wait for something to happen. Olivia comes up with "extended release medicine" to put into the trees' water after being cut to keep them alive for a week this year, and hopefully she can figure out what the heck is happening by next year since nothing obvious is happening.

I just cracked up at Olivia suggesting an outdoor craft fair in December in New England (she needs some barn space to do her work). Um....don't y'all have weather and snow? Wouldn't that be a problem? I guess not, in Hallmark.

"I didn't forget, I just didn't remember on time." is an excellent line that I should remember to use. I'm amused that when he suggests they date, she's all "I'm an hour away" and he's all "we'll figure it out" and I'm all "the last movie I saw here, the guy lived in Tokyo...." Everything's happy, and then....HOW DID THAT TREE JUST GO BROWN IN PUBLIC?!?! It looks even WORSE! Oh look, there's the suspicious rival Christmas tree seller...

"I'm a woman who has pine needles in her hair and dirt under her fingernails." -Olivia finally telling her parents she's not so into their country club life. Olivia coincidentally walks by two guys who work for the rival tree seller, snickering over whatever it is they've done. She's all "oh hai, Wayne and I go way back, wanna selfie?" (Seriously? No reason to selfie, but there they go) and she manages to take a picture of the culprits and a GIANT BUCKET OF HERBICIDE behind them. Wayne is delightedly busted, with the tree seller guy's mom being all "your mom always cheated at hearts" and the head guy being all "I'd rather have NO tree than one from you!" and then a cop comes. "Tree lady. Well played," Wayne says.


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