Work: in office today, very quiet. The most exciting bits were (a) going to the library and getting books on the scandals of Grover Cleveland and Warren Harding :P (I need a life, right?), and (b) talking to a manager (not in my section) who is all "I'm coming back to work, five days a week, it sucks, but I'm retiring in December." She can't wait to get out. "I gave them a year's notice and they still can't hire anyone."

As for the evening: (a) Dawn came over to drop off the stuff for the turtle cross stitch--she actually made me up little indexed baggies for the yarn, how sweet! All I had in return was "Look, I started your duster!" (b) I talked to Melinda about the Scott situation, (c) talked to Mom about the show we're going to tomorrow, (d) watched Lucifer with Jess and Mike while starting the turtle project.

Melinda gave some very good advice: “Then ask him out.” “I am interested in you, either you’re interested in me this way or you’re not.” are you capable of this relationship that I need? “why not just get it all out on the table?” Can you be friends with him at this point if he says he’s not capable? He may give you a maybe. Are you ok with maybe? Everything’s a maybe anyway. “You don’t know what’s going to happen until it happens.”

“I think it matters more that you clarify what you need.” This is the kind of relationship that I’m looking for, I don’t expect it immediately. He’s not going to tell you no, I don’t like you. You don’t have to worry about whether or not he’s friends with you. he’s friends with you. people have had a harder time than they are willing to admit. He’s got a lot he’s going through that has nothing to do with you. You’ve opened the door a little, go ahead and go through it. Either you go forward with this or it’s where it’s at and it’s not a bad place to be, being friends with him.

She doesn’t think I’d be pushing him. “I don’t want you to feel any pressure.” This is another person, not your ex, who is dealing with a lot of shit. He has been affectionate towards you. You decide what your response is to yes, no, or maybe “You’re not the person you were when you were going out with the other guy.”

Probably the best you can hope for is for him to say I’ll try. if you don’t give him the opportunity he can’t consider it, if he needs it more spelled out, he needs it more spelled out, you get it spelled out for yourself. His response sounds like an opening to her.

Also, “don’t listen to the psychic.” You do know that nothing is set in stone, don’t put a lot of stock in it, she’s not in the situation. You have to go with your own gut. “I take some kind of action that’s different than what I did before. Wendy said not this guy and it’ll be a couple of years, but it’s been a couple of years, maybe it’s this guy now. Wendy’s been wrong before, also pre-pandemic. it could be him, you don’t know, the psychic doesn’t know that. Nobody sees the future, they just get glimpses of it. This is not a gravity issue that you can’t change. What do you have to lose at this point? it may not go terribly, it just may not go the way you want it to “I have faith in you, I think you can handle this.” If he says let me think about that, give him a deadline of 2 weeks an see how he feels. You don’t know what a place is until you’re there.

I ended up being up in the middle of the night on Etsy/Ravelry trying to figure out what to make him for Christmas: (a) "The Riker Maneuver" cross stitch--love this, but don't know what I'd put it on (a shirt? I try to avoid buying people anything that needs sizing 'cause hell if I know on other people's sizes), and probably reminds him of the ex again. (b) Star Trek socks. He'd probably love this, but I am not a sock knitter. Also a clothing item. (c) Rocky Horror crochet blanket--I love this best of all, but do I have the time to get it done? It's also color work in crochet, which I haven't done. (d) Rocky Horror dollies--love these but not sure I want to always be giving dolls? I did end up buying him a Frank N Furter Christmas card (guess where the candy cane is located) off Etsy, though. Which is apparently located in England, which I did not notice.

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